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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Whats the deal with online dating?

40 replies

Itsnotmyday · 05/06/2017 19:58

Finally plucked up the courage to go on a date saturday night, went well.. said he had a really nice time and wanted a 2nd date.. then hardly anything..whats all that about? It that normal? Before the date he was constantly messaging me. So to go from that to nothing is odd! I havent messaged to ask why but its just odd to me x

OP posts:

SleightOfHand · 05/06/2017 21:43

Stuck16 That's rough, doesn't make sense does it! I don't get it, I really don't, I wasn't hard enough to keep the OLD up for more than a few weeks.

HildaOg · 05/06/2017 21:59

Stuck16; he sounds hideous. I would say that video calls are a great way to test that someone is genuine. You can see their body language and see that they are as they present. A lot of people will use old photos of themselves or photos of someone else, develop a 'relationship', chat on the phone, get into it and arrange a date before canceling at the last minute because they have to as they're not who they pretended to be.

There's a lot of weirdos on these sites, mostly harmless, lonely ones but you need to recognise that so that you know that it's them and nothing personal about you.

Don't let that one experience put you off. There really are lots of nice, normal men, you just have to sift through a few weirdos and creeps to find them!!!

Also a coffee or lunch date is better for the first meet as you can get away quickly if necessary!!!!

Stuck16 · 05/06/2017 22:12

He was the only "normal" guy I'd come across- I seem to attract oddballs and blokes with fetishes 😂😂

Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 05/06/2017 22:14

Oh good lord thats awful! Definatly sounds like he got cold feet.. maybe he wasnt who he said he was? The ones i speak more to i tend to have a fb stalk 👀 no shame

OP posts:

HildaOg · 05/06/2017 22:25

Stuck; What site are you on and what's your profile like? Is it possible that your putting something in your profile that's turning the normal ones off while greenlighting you for the crazies? I find that the crazies and creeps are about 20-30 percent but most men are genuine and nice.

Stuck16 · 05/06/2017 22:35

I did Facebook stalk him- profile matched what he was telling me.

I'm on plenty of fish and ok cupid.
My profile on both sites is fairly similar just says about how I have 2 kids, a bit about my interests- reading, socialising etc nothing out of the ordinary.
Only thing I mention that is a bit odd on pof is that I don't drink tea!

I've had one bloke with a cuckold fetish, two daddy doms, a whole load of dick pics and messages saying they want to cum on my face, loads with no pictures at all etc

Most blokes mention how innocent I look and how lovely my face is in their message- I can't change my face though 😂

HildaOg · 05/06/2017 22:40

It must be your area!!!! That's so strange!

SleightOfHand · 05/06/2017 23:22

Jeez, you've gone through the mill Stuck16

LellyMcKelly · 05/06/2017 23:47

Look at OLD as a way to meet new people and take you out of your comfort zone. Treat it as fun, and hopefully an enjoyable way to spend an hour or two. Until you meet someone and agree to go 'exclusive' always assume that they will be dating other people, and so should you. Don't get too invested in people too early - it's just fun and interesting. And if they don't want to see you again it's not you - it's them - and vice versa. I once went on a very enjoyable date to a gig with a really nice man, but he had the same accent as my loathed ex boss and as soon as he opened his mouth I knew I didn't fancy him. I also went on 6 dates in 5 days (just coffee/lunch/drinks). That was a killer.

Top tips: Don't do too much talking online before you go on a date. There's no point in wading through months of hilarious text exchanges before meeting, only to discover he smells like old socks in real life. Do sit down and work out what you bring to the table. You are quite negative about yourself thanks to your ex - what do you like? You have a great face, kind, articulate etc. And take nothing for granted until you and they delete their profile. Until then, you're a free agent.

user1486956786 · 06/06/2017 00:04

Don't take it personally! I've been on dates before where I've thought they were great, got on great, they looked great, just didn't feel a 'spark' with them so didn't see a need to continue. I haven't done online dating before but it sounds as though people develop thick skins, and the more dates you go on the more ruthless people can be.

Worrynot1 · 07/06/2017 14:11

From a male point of view of OLD, we get the same but without the dodgy photos. Asked if I wanted a second date, said yes then silent treatment. The no shows , although when they did not confirm I did not go. Those that don't offer to buy a drink , and the ones who turn up where their photo is from 4-5 stone ago. Saying that I have met some lovely ladies where the spark is not there and had perfectly pleasant evening out and been completely honest at the end of the evening. Thick skin and slight amusement is the way to tackle the mad mad World of OLD and never take anything at face value.

Tenshidarkangel · 07/06/2017 14:34

They are a weird breed.

Had one who clearly wasn't intrested message me out of the blue asking for a second chance on Sunday. Agreed. Everything had been fine.
Woke up to find I'd been blocked this morning.

I have no idea anymore.

gunsandbanjos · 07/06/2017 17:43

Keep at it! I started off doing OLD in a quite old fashioned way, would only go on one date at a time to see what happened.

Then I thought fuck it!

Had a date with guy 1 on Tuesday, guy 2 on Friday night, guy 3 for coffee Saturday, guy 1 again for dinner on Saturday, guy 4 on Sunday.

Well that was the plan anyway, went to the Tuesday date and he was ok but no spark, went on the Friday date and cancelled everything else! That was a year ago and we're head over heels and planning to get married. He's the most amazing man I've ever met and I'm so grateful he's in my life.

user1496682959 · 08/06/2017 17:42

Omg gunsandbanjos how amazing, so it can work? Ive almost given up , i keep being let down, i think ive met the perfect bloke then it all goes to pot !!
Congratulations 🍾

gunsandbanjos · 08/06/2017 21:13

100% works, friends brother is marrying a lady he met online in a few weeks.
From my perspective I met several guys who were all lovely (and I'm super picky), I'd definitely rather be single than in a shit relationship.

My boyfriend is 1 in a million and I'm sickeningly, disgustingly in love with him.

Don't give up, but also don't settle, there's a load of morons on OLD too! I just didn't engage with them.

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