AIBU to want to say he's my boyfriend?

[Confusedandgettingold]

I'm a bit embarrassed to even post this as I'm a middle aged woman (40) and struggling to get beyond this relationship stage!

I've been in several long term relationships, the longest one being 10years that ended a year ago.

I met current love interest 8 months ago and we've been dating (and sleeping with each other) for about 6 months.

We agreed about 6 weeks in that we were exclusively seeing each other and I have no reason to think that he has changed his mind.

BUT...he won't call me his girlfriend. His friends know about me and I have met his closest pals. However I haven't met his family yet. Nor am I rushing to do so. I'm perfectly happy to take things slowly and see where it all goes.

However it does play on my mind that he doesn't want to say we're a couple.

I think I'm too old to be playing this particular game and don't want to waste anymore time.

Is this a red flag? And should I cut my losses and move on?

I think I'm falling in love but it's all beginning to feel frustrating and frankly a bit immature.

AIBU?

When you say immature - you mean your reaction or what you think he is doing.
You have only been 'exclusive' for 6 weeks. And you are around 40.
Surely, other than labels you can tell if things are becoming more serious?

It's a bit odd. I'm your age(ish) and been with DP 7 months. Exclusive from day 1 though. We haven't really met families yet but have met most of each other's friends. See each other once or twice a week. Our families know about us and are nattering to meet etc.

He's refered to me as his girlfriend since about a month in, why wouldn't he? That's what I am. I'd find that a bit strange and I'd feel that was a bit of a red flag too. My ex was a bit like this. Turned out he was having an EA with someone at work

Sorry if my OP wasn't very clear. We've been exclusive for nearly 5 months. We agreed that in the first six weeks.

Is it just the term girlfriend he doesn't like? Or is he denying being in a relationship?

JK your relationship sounds like mine. Except he freaks out at calling me his girlfriend

Nah thats weird. I became friends with my current boyfriend in February and we got together in April and he calls me his girlfriend to everyone, and I've met his parents (he hasn't met mine yet for certain reasons, nothing bad and he will meet them soon). I haven't met his friends yet but they know about me.

So yeah thats weird and maybe you should tell him that. He needs to decide if you are his girlfriend or not.

Herestonevergrowingup
Good question. He definitely acknowledges we're in a relationship. Talks about me to his friends. In a good way. But doesn't seem to want to say we're a couple.

What does he refer to you as then? Surely if you are exclusive you are his girlfriend?'

I feel weird at my age (mid thirties) calling anyone 'boyfriend'. It makes me cringe because I'm way too old for a boyfriend, that's what you have in your teens/twenties. He's not a boy, I'm not a girl... Post thirty, I prefer the term partner but that suggests a serious relationship which at eight months isn't at the settling down stage. I don't think it's anything personal to you. He probably just feels a bit icky referring to you with a term that describes you as a girl.

Womanfriend maybe????

And manfriend???

Partner is a business term to me.

Other half implies you are so insecure you consider yourself to be a fraction of a person unless you are in a relationship.

Anyone I am dating is referred to as a boyfriend and I am in my fifties.

How does he introduce you? What would he say if someone asked if you were a couple? I would be mightily vexed by this.

I agree with you happy

He just introduces me by my name. It hasn't happened in front of me yet but I imagine if someone asked him whether we're a couple, he would answer that we're seeing each other.

OP - other than the intoriduction issue - are you happy together? Have fun, a connection, etc.?
If it was me - as long as all the other aspects of the relationship work

• labels don't matter.

But the way you seem to be fixated on that small issue - i wonder if it's an indication that something else is going on that makes you insecure in this relationship. (

I've been with my man bout 16 months, we actually live together now but in the beginning he always referred to me as a friend. Did bug me a bit but think he was just being cautious as had been extremely hurt. Everyone saw through it and realised he was my boyfriend. I would say relax it will happen.

It's not so much needing to label the relationship as such. It's that he is an attractive man and does get a fair bit of female attention. And has been asked out at least a couple of times. He hasn't, at least to my knowledge anyway, reciprocated interest. But neither, again to my knowledge, does he say that he's got a girlfriend. Which I think is tantamount to giving the impression that he is available, just not interested yet.

Does that make sense?

Confused, I'm in the same situation except we are younger. Although I haven't met his friends. He has some kind of objection to naming this as a relationship. I'm beginning to question whether this is to ensure he remains looking "available", whether it's because he's still weighing up his options and there may be others, or whether my feelings just do not matter enough to him. Whichever way, it's becoming apparent that I probably need to let him go, because until it's a relationship, there's no real way forward.

He's leaving his options open, I'd exercise the option to walk away.

Could be he doesn't like the word. I never use the word boyfriend as it sounds a bit young. I use partner because everyone around me seems to use that word - I know lots of long term unmarrieds. But I guess it's a bit too soon to use that . Maybe he prefers to say ' I'm in a relationship ' or just use your name. I wouldn't worry.

I agree with Hilda & others that it seems weird to use the term gf beyond a certain age but too soon to say partner - there doesn't seem to be an appropriate term - 'seeing someone'? After a year I refer to my significant other as my partner elsewhere but not to him (we've never discussed terminology!). He could be doing that though you sound a bit insecure about him beyond this?

I've been with someone since January, and when we met I made it clear that I was not looking for a new husband or even to move in with anyone or anything, just a bit of fun really. He said that was fine with him :)
Anyway, partly because of that and partly because he is over 50, he doesn't call himself my boyfriend. To me he says I am his "lover", to others he calls me a new love interest or an "amore". There are ways to get round the phrasing and at least hint that this is not just a random acquaintance.

What does he have to say for himself?

Can you not just speak to him about it?

Again, I am in the same situation. I am younger and just like Token I'm not sure if it's to make him still seem available.

He's met my family, we socialise together in one group and I have now met his family, but he continues to introduce me by name and sometimes "his friend"

Maybe it's just the word that these guys don't like? I don't know, I never understood it but it seems quite common.

I think if a relationship is good & you're happy, does it really matter what it's badged up as?

I guess so Naze.

My boyf doesn't correct anyone if they call me his wife... hasn't done since it first happened a few months after we met.

Boyfriend/girlfriend IS difficult in terms of terminology when like me you're clinging on to the very last threads of the in your 40s and 50s

It does feel a bit dippy, but there's no other terms that adequately describe two people in a loving relationship that aren't married or living together

I hate the word partner, always have done.