So so scared of summer holiday loneliness

[Scared000]

Namechanged as feeling silly about this. I know I am extremely lucky to have long summer holidays (teacher in independent sector) but I am so scared.

H walked out 3 months ago to live with OW. She is pregnant. I feel desparately lonely most of the time, but thinking of those 7 weeks makes me panic, actually physically shaking. I am struggling at the moment and it's only a week half term! Work is the only thing that is keeping me going at the moment. I a have few friends, but all of them have families, husbands, children. They have plans and I doubt I'd be seeing much of them. I feels like this black hole is approaching that I am falling into.

I have no money to travel. H left me with the house to sort out, solicitors fees etc. No family nearby either (I would have to fly to see them). What the fuck do I do? I have gotten myself into a flat panic and can't get unstuck mentally.

(And I realise how pathetic this sounds.)

It doesn't sound silly at all - 7 weeks is a long time especially after the full on nature of termtime (I'm a teacher too!). Can you look into volunteering? Maybe with children's holiday clubs or similar as you have a DBS. Or something totally unrelated to teaching?

It doesn't sound pathetic. It sounds really difficult. I took up running when I was going through a rough time and it's got me through a lot.

It doesn't sound pathetic. I agree with peeps about looking at working at a holiday club in the summer. It'll keep you busy and you'll get some additional funds. Also maybe look at tutoring. Also join a gym or take up a new sport that'll enable you to meet new local people - badminton, hockey, netball, cycling etc. It'll be fun and increase your fitness which will increase your feel good endorphins.

Really good idea to do a holiday club. Try your local schools.

Is it too late to apply for exam marking?

It is hard and you are not pathetic. I look forward to going back to school after the summer holidays myself as I find the break so long and miss the people and the routine.

Everything Cric ^ says. Keep busy and hopefully earn some extra money too. Good luck

You're a teacher, could you tutor? Maybe a start training to run a marathon or swim the channel at your local pool project. Redecorate your house. Dog walking if you like dogs, you'd be surprised how much time that takes up plus you get paid and you're exhausted at the end.

I'm sorry, I can read your sadness in your OP. It WILL get better as cliched as that is

And I would find a way to fly to my family if you get on well with them stick it on a credit card

I'm so sorry you feel like this and its NOT pathetic at all. Its hard being single when all your friends have families. Please don't let that stop you trying to arrange things with them. I am going through a separation at the moment but have 2 DC to keep me busy. I do have single friends though and always made time for them, even when i was still with STBXP. Many Mums welcome the thought of a break away from the kids (I know I do) so can't you suggest to some of your friends to have a spa day or something or even just lunch out? Talk to them about how you're feeling and I'm sure they will go out of their way to include you in things.
I agree with the other posters that you need to focus on filling this time, instead of worrying about it. Look at volunteering. What about food banks etc? Join the gym or start running. Join a class. There is a website called meetup.com (I think) which might be worth looking at too.
I know this is all easier said than done but, if you want to change things, only you can do this.

You are not pathetic at all! I'm another one who finds the summer hols long and lonely and that's without going through what you are.

Where roughly do you live OP? Things I have done in the past:
Temp work
Voluntary work
One summer I got a bar job
Travel within the UK so it's cheap

I know people who timetable their holidays to make sure they're not getting in a rut. Look up places you could go for walks. Museums? Parks? Anywhere really. I often buy a day bus ticket and just go off with a bag full of food and explore.

What do you enjoy doing?

Do you live near a city? I have seen adverts in my area for bar staff for events, one off days or weekends. Ideal for someone flexible and sociable too.

The holidays are really long if you're on your own, volunteering is a great idea, how about befriending an elderly person or
I also think doing a hobby and doing something to keep you fit and help your emotional well being and help you meet new friends

I completely see where you are coming from- I am also a teacher and often get the holiday blues, especially if I spend a few days on my own without seeing people. I don't have that many friends, but find social interaction really boosts my mood. If I'm feeling low I sit and make a list of all the people I could potentially meet up with, and get in contact with them all. Some will respond and then I can schedule in some social activities. Also, how about looking into groups that meet locally- have you tried WI or ladies circle? For me, getting out of the house and having some sort of social interaction definitely keeps me sane in the long breaks!

Also, don't be afraid to contact your friends with husbands and families- they probably don't want to spend every hour together! Try suggesting specific activities to do, e.g. Meeting for a picnic, go round to yours to do craft/baking, go to a quiz night, visit a national trust property. They can only say no, and the likelihood is that they won't all say no! Where abouts in the country are you based?

Thank you, everyone for your kindness.

I live in the south west so lots of opportunity to explore. Guess I am a little scared to do it on my own. I will make a list of stuff I want to visit to start with and plan a few days out. I could stretch to that financially.

I am already doing exam marking but that's towards the end of term. My subject is rather niche and only at A-Level so tutoring won't work (unless I give extra lessons to my own pupils )

Bar jobs etc are hard to come by here as there is a university close by and they are filled by students.

I am looking into BorrowMyDoggy at the moment and MeetUp.

Volunteering is a good idea. Ideally I would like to do something non children related but what????

I would like to get back into running, have gained a bit of weight so will be hard. I am a little scared of the running clubs as they all seem so fit.

God, listen to me...when did I become so scared of the world?

Have you seen a solicitor about a divorce? I'm concerned that you have been left with all the financial problems - that shouldn't be the case.

And yes, Bubble, not having enough social interaction is worrying me. Maybe I should start a meetup group for teachers with holiday blues.

Check if your local running club do C25k, mine do them regularly. Also has different running groups to accommodate people. They're really friendly and keen for new members, contact them you never know. They have socials and things too.

Does your teaching subject have a strand on Quora? That can be an interesting online place to hang out.

Yes, have seen a solicitor, Imperial. I am bying h out of house, which I can afford if I cut back for a bit. My salary covers it all fine, it's just the fees etc. which are hitting hard a little at the moment. Once I am over that, I will be fine.

He's been an absolute prick. Took what he wanted from the house but left all his rubbish, old stuff etc. Just shoved it in the garage and there it sits now. He said he's not going to deal with it as it's not his problem anymore.

I'm also in the southwest! If you're near Bristol, I would definitely be up for a beat-the-holiday-blues-teacher meetup!

I am on the Devon/Cornwall border so quite a way from Bristol, Bubble.

Bless you, they are crying out for volunteers for children in difficult circumstances abroad, it's rewarding fun and great way to meet friends hard to push yourself when you are feeling down but it's worth it.

What an arsehole. Lots of good ideas on things to do on here. Just wanted to say that the apprehension may be kind of rational in that you know that grieving is coming and has been put off by working. I'm a teacher too (just supply now) and noticed how even my body would wait till the holidays to get sick as if it knew I couldn't afford to collapse till half term when I'd be laid up in bed - joy!

I guess the same applies to having to do emotional work - you keep busy working and distracting till there is a 'safe time' to do it. Reality is it has to be done, we can't out run pain and grieving really. Do you think this is part of the fear - knowing that you have put off really feeling yet?

I wonder if it's possible to get some counselling or something in place for summer? I know it's expensive when you're skint - I wonder if relate would help? Are you close to your family? If so i think it'd be worth finding money for those flights x

It sounds shit! Is there any skill you have always wanted? To paint, take a decent photo, run a mile, learn a language? Any chance you could find a focus and end up with a skill or achievement that you have always wanted? (I know that is soooo much easier said than done, but worth a thought).

Can you ask your family to pay for your plane ticket as a birthday/Christmas present? If I knew one of my kids was feeling this bad, I would be sad if they didn't ask.

There are quite a few animal rescue centres in that area. Give them all a ring and see if they need help. Lots of regular volunteers in all sectors need the summer off to look after their kids, so I'm sure most places would be glad of holiday cover.