So so scared of summer holiday loneliness

[Scared000]

Namechanged as feeling silly about this. I know I am extremely lucky to have long summer holidays (teacher in independent sector) but I am so scared.

H walked out 3 months ago to live with OW. She is pregnant. I feel desparately lonely most of the time, but thinking of those 7 weeks makes me panic, actually physically shaking. I am struggling at the moment and it's only a week half term! Work is the only thing that is keeping me going at the moment. I a have few friends, but all of them have families, husbands, children. They have plans and I doubt I'd be seeing much of them. I feels like this black hole is approaching that I am falling into.

I have no money to travel. H left me with the house to sort out, solicitors fees etc. No family nearby either (I would have to fly to see them). What the fuck do I do? I have gotten myself into a flat panic and can't get unstuck mentally.

(And I realise how pathetic this sounds.)

Could you book in some house clearance people and get them to take away all his crap. Then you won't have it lurking in your garage irritating you and reminding you of him?

I would get some paint and decorate a room. Fresh start and gives you a bit of control over your house.

Plan some fun things, empty that fucking garage (local dump ahoy ) , repaint some rooms. Trying meet up sounds good. It will fly by if you come up with a list of things to do and do them.

Check out YHA and National trust for volunteering opportunities. Make a list of things you can do, now the ex has gone (decorate the house purple! Adopt a hen! Mambo in the garden!). Find out if the runners club has a beginner section - everyone there started at the bottom once. I also recommend the C25k app and run, zombie, run.

If you like live music you could volunteer at music festivals from July to September- you get free entry, staff camping (& showers :) ) and some meals when on shift. I've found its a great way to get to hear live music if you can't persuade people to go(!) You are part of a group & you work with/get to know some other stewards but its also fine to listen to bands by yourself - which I would find hard in an enclosed venue.
PM me if you'd like further details.

If you're looking for local volunteering opportunities try your library, ours has a list of everything local you can get involved in.

I know money is tight, but when you're back on your feet why don't you hire a man with a van, get all your XH's shit out of the garage and have it dumped in front of his new house?? I bet that makes you feel better too.
Why not volunteer at a local food bank or homeless shelter/soup kitchen. Also they are crying out for people to befriend elderly lonely people.

You don't need a running club to go running. I have never been in a running club (I don't actually like the idea of running with other people), just get your trainers on and go for a short jog.
I think the summer will seem less daunting if you sit down and actually have a plan in place of things you're going to do.
And PLEASE contact your friends and get things arranged. I know you can't afford much at the moment but groupon and living social websites often have good deals on mini spa days/treatments.

Definitely dump his stuff! Fill your car a few times and get rid of it all at the tip.

A holiday with a company like exodus (I thinj it was... When I was newly single teacher I looked at activity holidays which appealed to singles without being a "singles holiday"!)

If you're skint, how about a working holiday?

My friend does this - she's lovely and meets lots of other people.

The national trust and similar organisations have volunteer 'holidays' where you can go and learn to build drystone walls etc with teams ofother people.

It might be good to go and do something social - with other adults. You need to see that there is another life waiting for you out there - and a complete distraction.

I would absolutely dump all his stuff in his front garden. What a fucking bastard.

How about taking something like a language class? You can sometimes find classes sponsered by the local council that are quite reasonable. I used to take a yoga one but language is better as you have to chat to people.

Goodasgoldilox - you beat me to it! I was going to suggest a National Trust working holiday. I have done one - a short break - and it was great fun and I met some really nice people (and someone shagged the organiser...). I would also suggest walking groups and looking on MeetUp for things to do with other adults. You can go on the dog walking ones even if you don't have a dog!

Poor OP doesn't want to do more things with children in the holidays - she's a teacher!

On the no money issue. A friend of mine was left in this position and her solicitor told her to buy a sports car. You don't want communal financial assets left lying around to divide up, do you...?

There're still some great well paid overseas teachers jobs up for grabs. Could you maybe rent your house out and upsticks over the summer to begin a new job in September for a year or two? New experience to look forward to and a bit of distance between yourself and the heartache??? I've been teaching overseas for three years now and really enjoy it. Not sure if I could go back-and I was a real homebird before, but a similarly awful family situation spurred us into making the leap!

Facebook for his stuff, post it as an Ex sale, and open the garage wide, just think how much fun you can have on the cash, after all £10 is a movie and popcorn, or a facial or spare day,

also people will come and get it and take to the tip if rubbish.

Is there something that particularly interests you? A historical event or a particular time/place for example. You could set yourself up to do a sort of project, involving reading, visiting significant places, taking photos, creating artwork in response to it, writing, finding others who are also interested (even if just an online forum). It might get you out and about and, particularly if it's a local thing, not cost too much and may lead to meeting other people.

Haven't rtft so someone might have suggested it already but

www.helpx.net

Is a fun site, you don't need any money except travel to where you're going. I had a great few summers at university in France and Canada - I was a kind of au pair for a French family and helped at a kayak school in Vancouver for 3 months.

I feel for you, op, I remember splitting up with someone which was a Friday. He says he'd pop by the next day for a chat. I literally did not know what to do with myself and didn't sleep, watching the clock tick durn. He didn't come round the next day, he was too busy. I still had Saturday night and all of Sunday to fill just to go back to work (which I hated, but was preferable to being alone) and it was the worst time ever. Obviously that was just early days but I felt this complete void in front of me.

Personally what helped was doing every evening class going in the gym (just for something to attend at a specific time, and to be near other people in a class not just visiting the gym), starting to look after myself (baths, manicures etc) and cooking new receives, again for something to do as a project.

Longer term I changed my job, decorated and found some new hobbies.

But initially you need to find some small achievable distractions whilst thinking about bigger picture stuff. Event yellow you'll see it as liberating - a whole summer off and nobody to answer to?! Brilliant! (I know it doesn't feel like that, but... it will 🙂)

*which was on a Friday! He wasn't a Friday!

I understand where you're coming from OP, I'm also a teacher. I went on a day trip during the Easter holidays with a friend and we met two fellow teachers (separately) on the train. They were both single and travelling alone. I wouldn't personally be brave enough to do this but they loved it and had some great stories to tell. Most of their travels were within the UK. They both said that it was great being able to do exactly as they pleased. Could you consider doing the same?

Oh wow. I didn't expect so may replies; thank you. I will try and answer some of them.

Ex's stuff. I love the idea of an open garage sale . I might start looking into it. I have emailed him one last time, asking for the stuff to be removed. I will also start thinking about redecorating some rooms, starting with the bedroom. I have a few B&Q voucher so will buy paint etc.

Working holidays. I didn't know these existed - some look really interesting. Will seriously look into them.

Seeing family. I have just had a chat with my mum and she has offered to pay for my flights. Due to health, my dad can't travel at the moment otherwise they would have come to see me. I am close to them so look forward to seeing them at the end of July.

Teaching abroad/new job. I think I will hold off doing anything too big at the moment. I love where I am living, love my current job (opportunities for career progress coming up too) and I have lovely supportive neighbours. For the time being I need this safetey net.

I will look into local volunteering and sports courses/running.

I am starting to feel a little more positive now. I think planning will be key. A PP is right, I am a little scared of the emotional impact too. I have used work as a distraction but, with all that time off coming up, I know I will have to address some of the emotional/grieving work. It has to be done but it's scary.

Universities and private schools often have summer schools and are on the look out for Lecturers and teachers, could you give that a try?

I know a teacher taking early retirement and she got paid very well to do 6 weeks teaching assistant support at a local posh private school, the food was fantastic too.

Do you know any families that need holiday child care? I would jump at some adhoc child care from a teacher in holidays.

Also have you any decorating to do? that's therapeutic, also lots of exercise? dog walking as you suggested is good idea.

My message just crossed with your update. Great that you are more positive!

that was me. i am so glad you're going to see your family - will help to be safe and have close people around and hopefully let it all out a bit.

i also think you're wise to hold off on big decisions/massive changes right now. you will be fine i'm sure but yes, i bet there's plenty that you haven't let out and have been stuffing down with work and routine.

redecorating/reclaiming house sounds like a great plan

Summer reading thing at library? My library has volunteers who deliver books to the housebound which I've just signed up for. Meals on wheels? Food bank?

I've had to set myself to be up and lucid before midday in half term else I'd just languish. It's worked so far but it was quite a biggy for me.

The summer holidays can be a horrible time for so many people.

Oooh - volunteering at a national trust place? Just thought of that!!