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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

His stinginess has killed off our relationship!!

108 replies

Amarielle · 31/05/2017 05:29

Dear All,

I need advice.

I am in a relationship with a very stingy man, everything else seems ok from the beginning, except that his stinginess is starting to affect our relationship. The stinginess has really put me off the man, last night I refused to eat a meal together. I am generous and I have my standards. I am not young and life is too short to save 1p on bread or walk across town to look for bargains. It's the opportunity costs, energy and time involved in looking at saving 1p here or there.

The previous night, he had visited a friend's house, only to bring their stale bread back instead of buying a fresh bread (they were going to throw it away). He has told me that money was not a problem - obviously, money is a problem or he would have bought a shop owned brand instead of bringing back a mouldy and stale bread

The man will not spend money on food but he is not shy to eat the food that I have bought and cooked, I have sat him down and had a conversation that he should contribute his share towards shopping. He told me that he prefer to do the shopping and that I should write everything down, but as I do most of the cooking, I pointed out that he should give me his share so I can do a weekly shopping, he refused.

Three days ago, he texted and asked if I wanted anything, I gave him a list but he told me that his bag was too small, he was on the other side of town. Sainsbury's is five minutes walk from my house and I prefer to shop in Sainsbury's because I believe in shopping local. He has refused to do a weekly shopping in Sainsbury's because it's too expensive!

Thank God, the long weekend is over. I will do as much as possible to avoid spending time together. This is because it does not feel like home, I am resentful that I have to pay for everything.

Is there anything worst than a stingy man? Why is it that stingy people want to eat and drink well as long as it's at other people's expense?

I am sorry for the rant!

OP posts:
Cupcake1315 · 02/06/2017 09:54

I dated someone like this for about two months, he was a nice guy but his stinginess killed it for me. Never wanting to eat out, always heading to the reduced aisle in Morrisons, never wanting to do activities outside, preferring to stay home but if I bought take away or food he'd gladly eat the lot moaning about how expensive it was even though he hadn't bought it. He was in a really good job and made triple what I made. Was pestering me to move in with me. He would walk around my flat and turn all the switches off. Yet he would spend a small fortune weekly on cigarettes and alcohol. He was so cheap he would top up his meters £3 each, and I said once for goodness sake put at least a fiver on, he went into a detailed explanation why that would be a waste of money, so I returned to his cold flat, where he proceeded to put the heater on and then put his washing on the heater, as we couldn't waste the heat. I was wearing my coat mind you. So yes please leave him. Don't tolerate this and what made this even worse, the bastard was a millionaire and was always ready to tell me what was in his account. It wasn't like he needed to count his pennies. If he's not making you happy find someone who will. I'm so much happier now.

Chloe84 · 02/06/2017 10:11

OP, pack his bags for him and put them outside.

Does he have a key?

Ellisandra · 02/06/2017 10:27

So - have you actually split up with him then? Your posts are a little cryptic.
Don't be a miser with the facts Grin

Hopefully you have told him it's over despite your ambiguous post.

But stop hoping he'll leave - give him a week's notice (24 hours if he already has other accommodation) and tell him to be gone.

And think long and hard why you stayed in this to the point of moving him in, as you're in danger of doing it again if you don't work out why you put up with so much shit and how to stop it happening with someone else.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 03/06/2017 00:58

Yup! Freedom programme for you, dear lady.

Inexperiencedchick · 03/06/2017 06:31

Asked someone in the past: "Would you like to go to cinema?"
He said: "We need to think about it"
I went to cinema myself, and he is in the past.

You can leave him in the past, and have a future without him.

AddToBasket · 03/06/2017 07:03

Good for you, OP. There'sa better life out there away from his control.

hellsbellsmelons · 05/06/2017 10:53

hopefully, he will just pack his bags and leave
Not a feckin' chance OP.
Why would he.
Free room and board and a little woman to abuse.
Why oh why haven't you kicked his sorry stingy abusive arse to the curb yet?
Please contact Womens Aid.

Jellyheadbang · 05/06/2017 11:04

Every single man I've ever been out with has been stingy. I hate it and it is a huge turn off, usually (ime) equates to being a selfish lover too. My latest on/off distaster is iffy with money, I'm way more generous despite my financial constraints.

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