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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

His stinginess has killed off our relationship!!

108 replies

Amarielle · 31/05/2017 05:29

Dear All,

I need advice.

I am in a relationship with a very stingy man, everything else seems ok from the beginning, except that his stinginess is starting to affect our relationship. The stinginess has really put me off the man, last night I refused to eat a meal together. I am generous and I have my standards. I am not young and life is too short to save 1p on bread or walk across town to look for bargains. It's the opportunity costs, energy and time involved in looking at saving 1p here or there.

The previous night, he had visited a friend's house, only to bring their stale bread back instead of buying a fresh bread (they were going to throw it away). He has told me that money was not a problem - obviously, money is a problem or he would have bought a shop owned brand instead of bringing back a mouldy and stale bread

The man will not spend money on food but he is not shy to eat the food that I have bought and cooked, I have sat him down and had a conversation that he should contribute his share towards shopping. He told me that he prefer to do the shopping and that I should write everything down, but as I do most of the cooking, I pointed out that he should give me his share so I can do a weekly shopping, he refused.

Three days ago, he texted and asked if I wanted anything, I gave him a list but he told me that his bag was too small, he was on the other side of town. Sainsbury's is five minutes walk from my house and I prefer to shop in Sainsbury's because I believe in shopping local. He has refused to do a weekly shopping in Sainsbury's because it's too expensive!

Thank God, the long weekend is over. I will do as much as possible to avoid spending time together. This is because it does not feel like home, I am resentful that I have to pay for everything.

Is there anything worst than a stingy man? Why is it that stingy people want to eat and drink well as long as it's at other people's expense?

I am sorry for the rant!

OP posts:
Seeeeriously · 31/05/2017 06:50

But are you leaving this man?

artycakemaker · 31/05/2017 06:52

I think it will be too debilitating to stay with him if he is counting the pennies all the time like that. I have a friend who I really like and enjiy spending time with, but all she talks about is saving money and how expensive everything is. (She is NOT short of money at all) It gets so draining. It's bad enough in a friend ,it would be impossible to live with in a partner.

JoJoSM2 · 31/05/2017 06:57

If he's genuinely tight with bills, outings, holidays, birthday presents etc then I'd find it annoying and question the relationship. However, choosing to shop in Lidl or Aldi over Sainsbury's is a personal preference that you should respect.

Primamadonna · 31/05/2017 06:58

Financial meanness = emotional meanness
If someone (who you actually share your life with) thinks you are only good enough to be given stale bread and ignores your shopping list on account of a 'too small bag' I'd be pretty sure they don't really give a shit.

Kiwiinkits · 31/05/2017 07:18

Future you: I'm thinking of going to Italy for a holiday
Future him: That will cost too much, let's stay home

DUMP!!

luckylucky24 · 31/05/2017 07:20

*Sainsburys is about 10% more expensive than tesco/asda. Either step up to m&s or save with aldi/lidl

Not helpful, sorry*

Not actually true. I always go on mysupermarket to see where is cheaper for my shop and there is never more than £1/2 difference for a £50 shop between Sainsbury's and Asda.

Deathraystare · 31/05/2017 07:23

How come he is eating at yours so often?

I think it is very obvious - he saves money that way

Shayelle · 31/05/2017 07:28

Get him out!! Obviously!

icanteven · 31/05/2017 07:29

Not the point of the thread, but it sounds like it would be much cheaper for you to do your shopping online, given your description of where you live. You would have far more choice too, and no lugging at all.

I don't see any particular reason for you to be essentially supporting your boyfriend, and if you are living together you should be splitting agreed food costs. He sounds like an utter deadweight though, and you would be quite reasonable to dump.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/05/2017 07:34

Stinginess is an unattractive trait in a person. How is it that you and he got together at all let alone now live together?. Just as importantly why is your own relationship bar this low in the first place that this bloke was allowed into your life?. He sees you as plain stupid. Cocklodgers and or associated freeloaders are never good relationship material.

He needs to be gone from your life today.

Vroomster · 31/05/2017 07:56

Stale bread makes an excellent bread pudding misses point.

SparklyMagpie · 31/05/2017 08:21

So are you just going to continue putting up with this and ranting?

Or are you going to dump him?

hellsbellsmelons · 31/05/2017 08:37

You live together but do you own the house together?
Mortgage together or rent?

Donthate · 31/05/2017 08:41

Who pays the bills.

gleam · 31/05/2017 08:45

You could shop online from Asda or Tesco. My shopping was £1 delivery on a £40 minimum spend.

Amarielle · 31/05/2017 08:51

Yes, we could shop online, but he refuses to give me any money (his share) towards the shopping. He wants to be in control of the shopping without actually doing the shopping.

OP posts:
justkeeponsmiling · 31/05/2017 08:55

Meanness is a horrible trait. I could not spend my life with somebody like this!

Primamadonna · 31/05/2017 08:57

Amarielle, he sounds like he expects you to believe that this is normal behaviour - it's not. He's treating you badly.
There are men around who pay their way, don't put up with this.

WatchingFromTheWings · 31/05/2017 08:59

I'd be putting MY food in a lockable cupboard. Stop cooking for him if he's not contributing to the food. He can fend for himself.

Maudlinmaud · 31/05/2017 09:05

Op I would find that difficult too. If you love the man and see a future together then talk to him about this, if not then cut your losses and walk away now.
I can sense your resentment about the situation and I imagine he's so set in his ways he will resent you too.

Shoxfordian · 31/05/2017 09:20

Did not realise that you lived together! (How did that happen?!)

Definitely get rid

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 31/05/2017 09:24

WatchingFromTheWings' suggestion is good, but frankly if it has to come to that, your relationship is over. It's not just stinginess: it's control. He has to control how much he and you spend, or even your standards of what is reasonable time and expenditure. It's his way or the highway, innit?

And I speak as somebody who loves getting a bargain and have my tightwad moments. What you describe is nothing like that, and no way to live. Choose the highway.

fortunacookie · 31/05/2017 10:07

Can't do with tight men...my absolute bugbear along with smoking

samsonthecat · 31/05/2017 10:14

If it's your house tell him to leave. This is not acceptable behaviour in a loving relationship.
My DP doesn't live with me but will always ask if I need any milk, bread etc before he comes over.

pdjimjams · 31/05/2017 10:24

Tight men = less sex appeal. Who eats mouldy bread, unless they absolutely have to, that is?

He's sponging off of you.

It's going to be great to be free of the twerp!