Wwyd- throwing books at bed time...

[doijusthavetolovewithit]

Best version....I called H a fascist in a discussion about the Manchester bombing i was totally unreasonable and wouldn't listen to him as I disagreed and was offended (I'm a minority he is not). I told him I could have this conversation and left the room. He was so offended that whilst i sdid bed time He threw a cup of water at me and threw every book in the room at me (maybe 100) whilst my children watched and cried.
I am definitely annoying/opinionated but how do I get our family help with anger it feels like it's seeping into all of us. I'm sure you'll tell me I have a responsibility to leave but he's the home maker! I would see the children less.

I know I will will vastly reduce our income if I do all this too and that's very scary I've worked hard and to finl stability would be very frightening.

I'm not dismissing the importance of financial stability, but it's no substitute for emotional stability.

By saying this is partly your fault, you're giving yourself the illusion of have some control over the situation, when you clearly don't. This is untenable, OP. You can bury yourself in denial, but it's still wrong to expose your dcs to this.

OP

We are all tricky people. I certainly am. I am opinionated and emotional. I've had depression in the past and had to be off work for some years
I've been married for 20 years; together for 28 and not once, not once has my DH spoke to me like your DH speaks to you

The only reason there is friction is because you are attempting to be yourself in a difficult situation - the only time there is 6not6 friction is when you are tip-toeing around, or he's ignoring you. That's not normal and it's not your fault.

Yes, the relationship is toxic and you may need to work out why it happened like that and why you persisted with it for so long. But for now, you are doing your best. And he is not

Thinking 'Oh well he's not violent' is a low bar to set. It's a very low bar to set for your children

People who know about alcoholism will tell you that the alcoholic's primary relationship is with alcohol. So how could that not be a toxic relationship?

What I'm really looking for is a way to fix this not give up. But your messages are all pretty clear I've run out of answers/attempts. It's a waiting game now leaving should be possible caugust.

You can't fix it. No matter what you do, he'll be an abusive person.

You're not giving up. Your giving your kids the chance to not have a fucked up childhood and therefore adulthood.

But he is killing the real you, the one who can't speak freely it make choices for herself because of his reaction.

You will be fixing it my getting away from him.