We have to sell our house and I feel bereft

[Saffastisat]

Slightly embarrassed at posting this as compared to some of the problems people have this is nothing. But it does fall into the remit of relationships.

10 years ago we bought what we thought was our forever home. The moment I walked in I saw myself living there when I was 80 years old and sitting at a seat by the window in the living room watching the goings on down below. It's a beautiful period building in a lovely city, and we restored it from crumbling, decorated it and settled there.

I brought my DC home from the hospital to the house, and they've grown up there so far (they're still young - under 5.) I spent my first night as a new mother there with DD1, in the living room, holding her on my chest feeling the weight of responsibility, but also feeling elated and grown up.

Every time I have felt sad or depressed the house has been a retreat for me, and I feel very peaceful and safe there. It's the first house I have ever "owned" too, as I could only afford a joint mortgage with DH.

Anyway, thanks to DH making some poor investment decisions, we are struggling. We've investigated a lot of options, but the only option seems to be to sell our house.

DH is trying to be very matter of fact about it and telling me I have to want what's best for our family and what's best right now is that we have enough to bridge our financial gap. Which is true. He says that even talking about it or investing emotion in it is a waste of time and does not benefit us.

But every time I think about losing the house or selling it, I want to bite my cheek hard inside my mouth. The thought of it is unbearable.

I am also angry at DH and I don't know if i can get over his decisions which led to the events where we had to sell this house. But it's more loss that I feel than anger.

We had a lot of parties there, friends would drop round as it was the centre of town. Lots of memories, family, events, working from home. The house was so tied up in my identity.

I'm just wondering if anyone's got some words of consolation. Even a kick up the ass. Or telling me why I am feeling this way about the house.

DH keeps telling me that our family is our family - the 5 of us - not the house. That wherever we go will be our home. And of course I agree with that, that's what that matters.

But I just feel like what I thought was my future has disappeared in front of my eyes.

Is that justified?

Taking away the ifs and buts if you decide that selling the house is the only way forward. The way I got over losing my home which I believed all my memories were tied to, albeit for different reasons but ultimately I had no choice and no notice is...

I accepted it's bricks and mortar things the memories you will take the most precious things are my children, they were safe more memories will be made.

You have to work out if you can get over his mistakes rather than a material object

Lots of harsh responses about him.
Nature of investments. I wouldn't be so quick to hang him without the details. Could be they've had some pretty good years from him previous decisions. Even specialist knowledge isn't right every time.

OP, you sound so sad - I'm really sorry for you

I lost a beautiful home through divorce - the bedroom where I first rocked my baby to sleep. To add insult to injury my XH still has it, so I get to drop my daughter off there all the bloody time - and listen to her chat about the amazing garden, that is huge. Treehouse etc. Now, another woman opens the door with the custom glass that I designed, and lets my child in to go bounce on the massive trampoline that I bought, that doesn't fit my new garden. Do I miss my home? Yes. Does it feel unfair that I lost it (via losing my marriage) because he cheated? Yes.

My small house now...?

Four years on... it's the home I first walked my child to school from.
It's the small garden that we went camping in - just because.
It's the garden where I first kissed my fiancé.
It's the home where my child first wrote a letter to Santa.

It isn't just bricks and mortar, it's memories and a change of future. But you won't lose the memories - and I promise you'll build new ones.

(and I quite like having half the council tax bill now )

It's the nature of investments, which is why you never ever invest the equity in your house.

Where has the OP gone

Also the OP could look at going back to work. With low income they would qualify for tax credits to help with childcare costs. Also, could family help out with either a roof or childcare if they can't help monitarily.

You could also look at alternate shift work so you minimize your childcare costs.

Could you let it? Air bnb it until you get back on your feet?