How do I get help for DS who has feelings towards his sister?

[NiamhJensen]

I know this is a really odd post and trust me, it's really embarrassing.

I'm just wondering if there is any help out there. He's 12.

Thank you.

Can you be more specific?

What has he actually said to you about it? What is his behaviour like around her?

A 12 year old has told you this?

No, he hasn't outright told me. He displays behaviours that clearly shows he does - some things as simple as his language used.

How old is his sister?

10

What kind of feelings? How does he act around her? Has he actually done/said anything?

You really need to keep an eye on them. Without explaining specifically what language he's using it's difficult for us to help.

NSPCC?

Do you have an example of things he says? Some sitting are just naturally affectionate & protective. Are they blood related?

Some sibblings* sorry dumb phone :)

I don't want to write stuff that's too explicit, but an example is something like "when will your boobs grow".

I know this sounds odd, so just report if you need to, but I'm so desperate for some advice.

If I phone the NSPCC, do you think they'll think it's our fault?

Are you sure this is him having feelings and not being curious?

I'm sure that the NSPCC won't think it's your fault.

As people said, I would keep an eye on the situation and make sure that your DD has privacy from her brother.

Phone the NSPCC for advice. Asking his sister when her boobs will grow could be innocent, but only you know the context and the other things he's said. Make sure your daughter knows that if there's anything that ever bothers her, she can tell you without getting in trouble (always a good thing, regardless of what you think may be going on anyway!).

Maybe hes learning about puberty at school?

That just sounds like a question.

Given that he's 12, have you actually had a proper facts-of-life chat with him? In which he might have learned that asking your sister about boobs isn't appropriate?

It's hard to give advice without all the information OP. The boobs comment sounds like a normal boy question to me, but it's obviously out of context

A schoolfriend told me her brother asked if she had hair 'down there' yet! I don't think anything happend . He was just asking!

I agree, just a normal question.

You're not giving much to go on. Sounds to me like he's just sensitive and curious about girls bodies which is normal? Unless I'm missing something...

Agree with BigGrannyPants. What's the more explicit stuff that he's said?

It does sound like curiosity to me

I'd speak to NSPCC. This could be all innocent. Only you know exactly what is said and done.

make sure your dd knows her body is private and hers and I would encourage some modesty at home. In that I mean to say some families all walk around naked and think it is fine.

My son is adopted (6) and birth dd is 12. We were encouraged not to have joint baths etc because he is adopted and there is a big age gap. So we encourage kids to change in their rooms, or bathroom, not to walk about naked etc. I know to some families it is prudey but that is what we were encouraged to do and that is what we stick to.

I think talking to a professional will help you work out what is going on.

Going on, as in natural curiosity about females generally or something specific about his sister.

This must be tough and worrying so well done for grasping the nettle and getting advice.

When my son was 6 he asked his 10 year old sister if she would grow a hairy "Nani" like Mum has.
Didn't worry me in the slightest so unless it's a lot more explicit or there is a backstory it sounds pretty normal

If you're concerned, then it's absolutely worth phoning professionals like the NSPCC. It's always good to listen to your gut instinct in these situations. It could be an innocent question but none of us were there. We won't have seen the context or his tone of voice; how he was looking at his sister.; previous patterns of behaviour. It could be he's learning sex Ed at school or that he lacks the appropriate social skills.

You will get a million people telling you the exact opposite in terms of information. With situations like this, a question to a professional is worth far more than 900 replies on Mumsnet.