How do I get help for DS who has feelings towards his sister?

[NiamhJensen]

I know this is a really odd post and trust me, it's really embarrassing.

I'm just wondering if there is any help out there. He's 12.

Thank you.

You need to be more specific.

Is your son doing sex education at school? His question could be scientific curiousity. After all, it's amazing how different teen bodies can be. My ds is a 5'11 beanpole. His best friend is 6'5 rugby physique while his classmate who I've known since primary is 5'2 and would look out of place at a primary school.

Just tell your son that it's an inappropriate question which nobody can answer as it varies massively. Tell your dd that her body is her business and she has every right to keep it private.

Talk to someone at the NSPCC for advice about whether or not he is being inappropriate.

What you've posted sounds like a curiosity based question to me. He will also be going through changes and will be aware that girls do to. What else is happening which makes you feel anxious about him?

Have you spoken to your son about what is and isn't appriopriate to ask his sister/ talk about?

It may be that he just doesnt understand the bounderies yet, maybe that's a first port of call?

There is a massive stigma around the nspcc & social services but these services were set up to find the best solution for children/parents/families and their goal is to do this & keep you all together as a family. They may ask if you know if he has seen or heard anything explicit but will never assume its your fault. He is of an age where more material may be accessable if he chooses to look & also going through puberty. My son has asked me about my boobs & why his younger sister has not got any etc because they are curious & unless they ask, they wont know! Id rather he asked me than his friends. Its easy to see the bad in things that are completly innocent to children because we are no longer innocent. I once saw a child make hand gesture & i worried but a friend pointed out, unless the child knows what we think it is, is it really bad or are we just seeing the bad?

The nspcc also have a fantastic poster called 'the pants rule' this gives you a guide in what to say whilst explaining the safety around the issue of abuse. This could be a good way of approaching the typical of boundries.

On the basis of what you have told us, all seems entirely normal. You should hear my GC siblings asking each other things and chatting about periods and so on, both boys and girls. No problem.

My guess is that something more fundamental has happened that has caused you to have a concern; or you would not be posting here.

If it really is at the level of basic curiosity, you may be worrying unnecessarily. What makes you think he has "feelings"?

I'd say this sounds like normal curiosity too. I remember asking my brother when he would get hair down below.

I think the worrying bit is you thinking your son has feelings for your daughter. What else has he said or done?

I think the worrying bit is you thinking your son has feelings for your daughter. What else has he said or done?

I agree.

Has there been inappropriate touching or anything?

Agree there is healthy curiosity and that you need to have a good facts of life chat with both of them.

That sounds like normal curiosity to me. He is approaching adolescence and is starting to see girls as separate and different from boys. His sister is there so he can ask these questions in a way he couldn't ask his female peers. Unless there is a lot more you are not telling us it doesn't sound worrying. Is he displaying any overtly sexualise behaviour towards her?

He asks if she ever touches herself. I think that really is crossing the boundaries.

This is a very odd over-reaction to what is quite a standard/innocuous question from a child going through puberty. Very odd indeed.

This is the Brooke Advisory Traffic Light tool to help people understand and categorise potentially concerning sexual behaviours and/or comments. It's very useful
www.brook.org.uk/our-work/the-sexual-behaviours-traffic-light-tool

Please don't post at any more detail OP, we don't need any examples.

You've had good advice re phoning nspcc, I think that would be my first step

I did say report me... Where else was I supposed to go for advice. Yes, I then thought NSPCC, but then I got floods of how it's an overreaction.

If this is a genuine worry then you really need to speak to trained professionals who are used to dealing with sensitive queries like this, and are best placed to advise you - not a bunch of randomers on the internet. PP have suggested NSPCC and this would be a good place to start.

I think based on that one question alone (about boobs) people feel that it's fairly normal. However, you have said that is only one example and you are reluctant to elaborate further (totally your choice) and something has obviously given you that gut feeling that there is something not right so I think phoning the NSPCC is absolutely the right call. As long as you tell them everything that has occurred to make you feel uneasy, don't hold back like you feel you have to here, and they will be able to give you advice and guidance if necessary - or set your mind at rest. Far better to ring them unnecessarily than to leave it and find out that something has happened and your fears are realised.

Your son asking do you touch yourself in itself is normal if he's asking another child but he's asked your 10 year old daughter and that's very wrong. If that was me I'd be having a serious word with him.

I meant another child of his age

If I phone the NSPCC, do you think they'll think it's our fault?

Yeah because that's the most important thing.

Please don't couch it in terms if his having feelings for her.

Be a parent and protect your daughter.

OP I don't think NSPCC will think it is your fault at all. Even if there is any fault at all.

Please do not listen to any negative and sarcastic comments here. It took courage to post here about a personal topic and sarcastic comments are really not on!

No one knows the full story or what has been said and we do not need more explanations.

You have been very brave to broach such a difficult topic. Good luck.

Make the call. XXXX

Agree with Italiangreyhound. It was very brave of you to post here and this is a very sensitive subject. I think the best thing to do would be to contact NSPCC as suggested by others. They would better be able to advise you on next steps. Best wishes x