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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Hand hold please.

90 replies

Sphygmomanometer · 18/05/2017 12:24

I think my DP is about to end our relationship Sad

He has messaged saying he'll speak to me later as he is at work just now. So now I'm at home pulling my hair out with worry.

Things have been tough recently but I can't face losing him.

All our friends are mutual so I don't have anyone to sound off to.

OP posts:
DestinationSofa · 20/05/2017 07:27

There is no logical reason for sharing a bed with another female ! Get rid.

Patsy99 · 20/05/2017 07:32

I wouldn't think this could get any worse and then you find out he's been messaging a girl from a dating website.

So sorry op, you sound mad about him, but yes that needs to be the end of it Flowers.

And it sounds like he just threw the having a baby idea in to pacify you/reel you back in after spending the night with his friend.

PowerPantsRule · 20/05/2017 08:20

Sympathy sphyg. You must be very hurt.

Original poster
Sphygmomanometer · 20/05/2017 09:22

Thanks everyone Flowers

OP posts:
SparklingRaspberry · 20/05/2017 10:46

Hope you're okay sphyg

You can do much better than him

Original poster
Sphygmomanometer · 20/05/2017 11:59

He's asleep just now, and I'm going out with my mum in a little while. Hoping some freah air and someone to talk to will help and I can speak to him when DS is in bed.

I don't want to lose him but I can't continue getting hurt.

OP posts:
broodynmoody · 20/05/2017 13:52

You go girl OP and leave him!
Itll be so hard cos you love him, but this man has no respect for you what's so ever.
You dont want to be one of them sad desperate women who will put up with all this shit because they dont want to be on their own!
Leave him,head up high, and in future youll meet someone who deserves you

bear28 · 20/05/2017 14:10

I don't understand why THEY had to stay elsewhere and HE had to share a bed with her. SHE might have had to stay elsewhere. she is an adult but there was no reason for him to stay with her if he has a home with you!! something not 100% there. Trust your instincts and look out for yourself OP!

Original poster
Sphygmomanometer · 24/05/2017 03:51

Basically because she doesn't know his family or have any other friends here we thought she'd be a bit more comfortable that way- I just didn't realise how comfortable.

She couldn't afford a hotel.

He has lied to me about someone he has been messaging- I saw over his shoulder (normal for both of us to have a nosey at what the other is doing) and asked who it was and he said he didn't know her, she had just randomly added/messaged him. I knew from the snippet of conversation I saw that they had been messaging on another app before fb. He hasn't realised I have cottoned onto this and is pleading ignorance when I have said I know he is lying.

Why the fuck can't I find it in me to walk away? None of this matches up to the person I know at all. Especially the lies. We are trundling along and on the surface back to "normal" after the horrible weekend his friend was here.

I've found this girl on facebook and she lives miles away, very little possibility of them meeting up so why is he lying to me about her?

OP posts:
ptumbi · 24/05/2017 07:30

Why are you 'trundling along' OP?

Why don't you take it out of his hands, and finish with him? He is playing you. You know this, but are still holding on - for what? He will not change. he will always be a lying, cheating person - you cannot change that.

Do yourself a favour. He is not worth your love.

ems137 · 24/05/2017 07:51

Look, he's shown you what he's like and you need to find the strength to take control and get rid of him.

He's a compulsive liar who's clearly seeking opportunities elsewhere. This is not a loving relationship and you deserve way better.

If you stay with him this is how your life will be every single day from now on. Trying to second guess what he's up to now. You'll fall for all his lies even though you know they're bullshit. You need to be strong. You deserve better.

UnicornSparkles1 · 24/05/2017 08:30

So this man shares a bed with another woman despite there being alternative options and despite promising you that bedsharing was the one thing that would never happen.

He messages and FB friends at least one woman from a dating site.

But he's honest and never lies? Uh-hu, gotcha.

I hope your mum can talk some sense into you. You are acting like a doormat when you deserve so much more. You are also letting this man set an appalling example to your DS about how a man should treat a woman in a relationship.

Original poster
Sphygmomanometer · 24/05/2017 09:14

I guess I'm in denial.

We were so happy and it's all turned sour. I gave up alot to move in with him, at his request. I went against everyone's advice and now I feel stupid.

I really can't believe what's happening.

OP posts:
UnicornSparkles1 · 24/05/2017 09:16

You're not stupid, you've been lied to and now you're hurting. That doesn't make you stupid Flowers

Delphi2022 · 24/05/2017 12:23

Hi Op,

I agree with unicorn you are not stupid but don't make the mistakes i made in the past and try and learn from this situation.

In other words - your friends gave you advice and you ignored their red flag warning messages and went ahead anyway and you are unable to see past the advice you are receiving on here! I realised that in the past i just didn't value myself enough and also had commitment issues, so would fall into these situation but not anymore!!

You need to find the strength in order that you can always protect your son from situations like this. Do you value yourself?

Good luck

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