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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

what to do.

102 replies

user1492256457 · 17/05/2017 19:07

About 7 months ago my family hired a guy to do some jobs for them.
cutting a long story short, me and this guy have made a real connection. its like we are from the same mould.BUT !!!!! he is in a very difficult relationship, he's no kids to this woman, nor his he married.
over the few months I've known him he has confided in me, told me a lot about how difficult his relationship is. he is putting wheels in motion to leave. the issue is, or it may not be an issue, I've grown really fond of him.And I find myself thinking about what will happen once he leaves, because there is massive chemistry between us, which we have managed to not acted upon.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1492256457 · 17/05/2017 22:54

I'm not dim at all. We all have our breaking point. And who would walk out of a relationship with nothing,no money no where to go.

OP posts:
SaltySalt · 17/05/2017 22:57

So if he did have money would he leave her for you?

NotTheBelleoftheBall · 17/05/2017 22:58

I know a guy who fits that description - builder, very charming, on the face of it a serial monogamist, but but always has a new person as a backup (usually a client). If his initials are RC it could be the same one!

Original poster
user1492256457 · 17/05/2017 22:59

I wouldn't want him you for me.if he leaves this time it will be the second time he's left.

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blankiesandunicorns · 17/05/2017 23:02

And this time he's waiting until he's got enough money and fed you enough lines to ensure you're there waiting for him. He sounds like a real treat, OP Hmm

HildaOg · 17/05/2017 23:06

I had a friend who was seeing someone who was saying the exact same things about his partner being crazy, wanting to get away etc... His wedding photos were all over Facebook last week, he was filling her with bullshit the day before he got married.

What they will do and say about her they will eventually do and say about you. These men are always liars.

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 17/05/2017 23:13

Have some self respect for yourself and don't engage with the entitled prick.

Tiredbutnotyetretired · 17/05/2017 23:17

If you've fallen deeply in love with someone money would not be an issue, i left a relationship prepared to walk away with the clothes on my back and get a tent for me and my child as i was so desperately unhappy. Hes talking shit, you need to give yourself some space away from him and clue yourself up on toxic men. Yes they are very charming and believable but what you will be left with if he does leave his 'bipolar girlfriend' is a man you could never trust, each time he goes to work in the back of your mind you will be worried history will repeat itself. They get bored and they move on to the next one. And the girlfriend will be fine financially without him, people manage, they always do when there are children to consider, also she will get help from the government, probably more so if she is declared to be then living alone and only a single income. Please give yourself some space from him

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 17/05/2017 23:18

Lots of people leave relationships with nothing and nowhere to go. It's kind of the normal situation if you live together. Sometimes you agree to split up then one or both of you looks for a new place to live while you sell / wait for the notice period to expire.

How has it worked when you've split up with someone?

SuiteHarmony · 17/05/2017 23:19

Do NOT give him escape money in case you were thinking this

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 17/05/2017 23:20

Poor misunderstood soul. If only, if only Hmm

He's full of shit. You're a delusional fool. Even if what he says about his girlfriend being crazy and about being hard up for money is true it's not, wake up, you idiot he sounds like a cunt. Sliming around with some random woman behind his girlfriends back. Delightful. Don't kid yourself, you'd only ever be convenient. Set your bar higher.

DownTownAbbey · 17/05/2017 23:32

Do you or your family have money? Is he hinting/hoping you'll help him out?

Original poster
user1492256457 · 17/05/2017 23:35

I'm not that silly. I've worked too hard for what I have.

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SuiteHarmony · 17/05/2017 23:39

^^ good.

I'm not saying you are silly; just be alert.

AyeAmarok · 17/05/2017 23:44

I think too much about myself too do that.

Really, do you? You don't seem to.

if I'm to take his word on everything he tells me, his gfr sounds bipolar.

How comically predictable.

and its so easy to say, I'm going to END it. but saying it and doing it is two diff things.

Yep. It's easy to say. But actually doing it would mean he wouldn't be able to have his cake and eat it.

my understanding is, he needed money in place, and some where to go.

Let's cut straight to the end of this saga, where he still hasn't managed to sort out somewhere to live, so he just moves straight in with you. But doesn't pay any bills because he can't put any money aside. Sob.

Yawn.

Original poster
user1492256457 · 17/05/2017 23:48

I've just grown close to someone that maybe I shouldn't have. And after a convo with him it's left me thinking. What if !!!! I don't know the in's and out's of his relationship. I only know what he choose to tell me. Like I've said there's two sides to every story. I just can't seem to stop thinking what if !!!

OP posts:
Original poster
user1492256457 · 17/05/2017 23:51

Lol no he wouldn't be moving in with me.

OP posts:
Hekabe · 18/05/2017 00:00

  1. back off. The girlfriend could be bipolar, or mother Teresa. it really has nothing to do with you. If they break up then one. It the moment you are the other woman and not helping a relationship that currently has a crack in it. It'll either mend,
    Or break off in its own time.

  2. Troll?! I'm wondering! You don't seem to listen to anyone- and I bet you most people on here have known a guy like him and a girl like you. I know I have! So what more do you want from us??

  3. honestly, it probably feels marvellous having this connection. It's not right. It's not faithful, and you're doing your self a disservice.

Tiredbutnotyetretired · 18/05/2017 00:11

What if? Hes just filling u full of shit?

LellyMcKelly · 18/05/2017 01:22

He's not married. He has no kids. He could walk away tomorrow if he wanted. He hasn't.

blankmind · 18/05/2017 02:11

Sorry OP, I don't think he's on the level. I wonder how long it will be before he hints that you could help him financially to start again, maybe with a loan, which of course he'd repay as soon as his circumstances improve Hmm

Except all you'll be is a shedload of your hard-earned out of pocket.

BubblingUp · 18/05/2017 03:39

Just keep your distance. If he separates, he will show back up. As long as he is still together with the gf and he is getting attention from you at the same time, he is getting his cake and eating it too. It doesn't have to involve sex or anything physical. His ego is getting stroked just from being with you and/or chatting with you. Don't let him use you anymore.

If he separates, then think about a relationship with him, but keep in mind he is the type of man who likes to line up the next one while he is still with the current one.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 18/05/2017 06:22

Does it not put you off him that he's doing this to his girlfriend behind her back? That would put me right off a bloke.

DownTownAbbey · 18/05/2017 06:39

Ok, so you're not daft enough to give him cash or let him move in and mooch. Great! Does he knows that? He might think he can charm the birds out of the trees. Because frankly his excuse for not leaving his 'crazy' girlfriend is ridiculous.

Original poster
user1492256457 · 18/05/2017 07:01

We have all stayed in relationships when they have clearly be pass there sell by date.

I know someone who stayed in an abusive marriage for years because she didn't have the funds to leave.

What I'm saying is we all have our breaking point where we say no more. And a man can be in a abusive relationship, just has much as a woman. And from what he's told me that's what I'd say he's in weather she is bipolar or not.but of course I just have his side of the relationship. I've told him many times, that only one person can change things, and that is himself. I know I've crossed a line by being emotially involved with him.

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