Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

what to do.

102 replies

user1492256457 · 17/05/2017 19:07

About 7 months ago my family hired a guy to do some jobs for them.
cutting a long story short, me and this guy have made a real connection. its like we are from the same mould.BUT !!!!! he is in a very difficult relationship, he's no kids to this woman, nor his he married.
over the few months I've known him he has confided in me, told me a lot about how difficult his relationship is. he is putting wheels in motion to leave. the issue is, or it may not be an issue, I've grown really fond of him.And I find myself thinking about what will happen once he leaves, because there is massive chemistry between us, which we have managed to not acted upon.

OP posts:
Tiredbutnotyetretired · 17/05/2017 21:00

Ill hedge bets that his girlfriend is not bipolar, do you not know anyone who knows her personally? X

Tiredbutnotyetretired · 17/05/2017 21:02

Although if hes a liar, maybe shes acting 'bipolar' theres always a reason behind a woman being explained as unhinged, bipolar, crazy etc

RebelRogue · 17/05/2017 21:03

Unicorn aww poor menz being chased by irresistible women. How are they supposed to resist?

OP odds are he's spinning you a lot of shit. The only way he isn't is if he takes some time away,breaks it off and comes back. Men that say I'll leave her when insert excuse here rarely do.

Original poster
user1492256457 · 17/05/2017 21:03

yes i do know someone who knows her, and she confirmed to me what he had said about her.

OP posts:
Want2beme · 17/05/2017 21:05

What category12 says. This happened to me, being the DP, now X - it's bullshit!

Original poster
user1492256457 · 17/05/2017 21:05

I am well aware of that. woman don't acted out for no reason.

OP posts:
Whiskwarrior · 17/05/2017 21:07

Of course they confirmed it all for you.

You're waiting for someone here to give you the green light, aren't you?

Or you're on a windup.

Either way, you're not listening to any of us.

unicornpoopoop · 17/05/2017 21:10

I'm not saying poor men at all... I'm just saying it always baffles me that women treat other women like this...

Or approve of men treating women like this when they clearly wouldn't like it to happen to themselves...

I would never knowingly cross the line with an attached man like this (and however the op wants to view it, a 7 month ea is clearly crossing the line).

There's how many men in the world and you're counting down the days for this one to leave his partner...

Like everyone else has said, he's spinning you a lie and leading you on. Maybe if he wasn't so invested in you, he would be putting some more effort into making things work with his wife.

Original poster
user1492256457 · 17/05/2017 21:13

He is not married.

OP posts:
unicornpoopoop · 17/05/2017 21:15

Ok my mistake my calling her 'wife' but I still stand by what I say.

She obviously thinks he's committed to her

LedaP · 17/05/2017 21:21

'She is mental'
'She doesnt understand me'
' you understand me'
'We are so similar'
'She knows i am not happy'
'Its been over a long time'
'I am just staying for the kids/money/ because she isnt well'

Its all bullshit.

He would have got money tigetger and walked a long time ago if he wanted to.

HeddaGarbled · 17/05/2017 21:24

This is what I think you should do:

Stop all contact with him right now. He is not single and by allowing him to slag his partner off to you, stroking his ego, and making it clear that you are up for a relationship with him, you will be responsible for him leaving his partner, if he ever does.

If at some point in the future, he does leave his partner, then you can go ahead with a clear conscience. But if he leaves her for you, then he is a cheat and you are culpable in the break up of their relationship.

Google search emotional affairs. That's what you are doing. Just because you haven't had sex (yet) doesn't make either of you innocent.

If he's genuine, he needs to finish the current relationship before lining up the next one.

ChicRock · 17/05/2017 21:31

Ah you're one of those people/women that believe that as long as you haven't dropped your knickers for him yet then it's all ok and above board and you haven't done anything wrong.

Original poster
user1492256457 · 17/05/2017 21:31

i know I'm guilty of an emotional affair.
but it has been him doing all the calling,

OP posts:
Whiskwarrior · 17/05/2017 21:31

Oh, give over, OP.

Original poster
user1492256457 · 17/05/2017 21:32

no, i actually don't think its ok.chicrock

OP posts:
runningintothelight · 17/05/2017 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 17/05/2017 21:47

Why does he need money to leave? People leave crazy partners all the time and sofa surf or stay in a bedsit while saving a deposit. Why's he not doing that? What logic has he given you for that?

Does his girlfriend knows that he has dumped her and is telling other people about it?

LightYears · 17/05/2017 21:50

7 months is long enough for him to sort things out and end it. He hasn't, because he doesn't really want to. Leave him to it OP. That's the only way you're going to find out the truth. If you explain to him, you don't want to be a part of an emotional affair anymore. Maybe in the future if you're both free you could maybe meet up again but until then you both need to part ways.

Original poster
user1492256457 · 17/05/2017 22:14

I'm guessing he needs money to find and set up some where to live. He's the only one being an income in to the house. So I guess that makes it hard to put money aside.
His gfr has two children from an other relationship.

OP posts:
RunRabbitRunRabbit · 17/05/2017 22:23

Does she know he is telling people she's dumped and crazy? What's he planning on telling the children?

How old are you OP? Have you ever had a normal relationship?

blankiesandunicorns · 17/05/2017 22:28

And what right do you have to say his girlfriend sounds bipolar?

Haffiana · 17/05/2017 22:31

How old are you, OP? I am sorry, you sound either very, VERY young or very dim. He is earning money but can't leave because he can't put it aside?

Have you ever been in a relationship? If no, then take it from us who have been in many, that this is bollocks. If you have been in a relationship, then please try to remember how you still stayed earning your money when you finished the relationship.

You are being spun a line. Actually a really pathetic, corny line. I know you feel it is 'not like that' and that this is something special and that we don't understand and all that, but you are about to be taken advantage of. One day when you are older, you will be toe-curlingly embarrassed when you remember this.

Want2beme · 17/05/2017 22:42

How many more times is this scenario gonna occur?

Would you be ok with this happening to you? If not, then move on and tell him you're not interested. If you do actually have a relationship with him, it won't be long until he betrays you whilst carrying out jobs at someone else's house. It happens all the bloody time.

Boooring · 17/05/2017 22:46

What qualifications do you have that enable you to diagnose someone you have never met with a mental illness?

Swipe left for the next trending thread