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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Difficult daughter

74 replies

user1493107576 · 16/05/2017 20:16

I have a very difficult relationship with my daughter . This has been going on for some time and has now come to a head because she is getting married soon and she is refusing to invite my sister at the wedding. My sister and I had not talked for a while due to a family rift but we have recently made contact again and I implored my daughter to let her come to the wedding but to no avail.
She knows she is upsetting me but is not prepared to grant me that request so that day will be tinged with sadness for me and also I cannot accept such an intransigeant attitude.
My daughter is also jealous of her brother who is older than her ; I suppose I can go through the wedding day and pretend everything is ok to keep up front but what after that ? We do not have the close relationship I would have liked , I have been to counselling and been advised to try and communicate more which I try but my daughter always ends up shouting at me
So I don t know what to do any more , should I just accept that I will never have a good relationship with my daughter ? Please advise

OP posts:

TheSparrowhawk · 16/05/2017 20:19

The wedding isn't about you, so stop being a brat about your sister.

Why is she jealous of her brother?

RockPaperCut · 16/05/2017 20:20

It sounds like it's all about you. Your feelings. Your wishes. Your expectations of her big day.

Reow · 16/05/2017 20:21

It's not your wedding. It's hers, she can invite who she likes.

If she doesn't have a close relationship with your sister why should she invite her?

magoria · 16/05/2017 20:22

The wedding is soon as you say yourself. Why should your DD invite your sister with whom there was a family rift just because you have made up and say she should? What happens if you fall out again before the wedding? Does she un-invite her then?

Do you have a closer relationship with your DS than your DD?

MissBax · 16/05/2017 20:22

It's her wedding.

kittybiscuits · 16/05/2017 20:23

What do you think your part in the difficult relationship is?

PookieDo · 16/05/2017 20:23

It's her wedding. There is no faster way to misery by demanding she invite someone when she doesn't want to!
You shouldn't spend the whole day sad, your daughter is getting married. It's a happy occasion.

ImpetuousBride · 16/05/2017 20:24

Have you asked why she doesn't want your sister there? Perhaps there is a good reason but either way it's her wedding, she'll invite whomever she wants.

ShiningArmour · 16/05/2017 20:27

Yes, it's her wedding.

Original poster

user1493107576 · 16/05/2017 20:29

Please don t use words like brat , it is not helpful

OP posts:

TheSparrowhawk · 16/05/2017 20:30

Ok stop being a controlling whiner.

Original poster

user1493107576 · 16/05/2017 20:31

Finding all answers very disappointing and unhelpful , feeling judged and attacked; was expecting better from mumsnet

OP posts:

HilariousGuitar · 16/05/2017 20:31

Not helpful? Neither is asking for help, saying that your daughter is "difficult" then going on to complain that she won't invite someone to her wedding on your say so, and you feel she is jealous of her brother...

WatchingFromTheWings · 16/05/2017 20:32

It's her wedding, she can invite who she wants.....or not invite who she wants.

HmmOkay · 16/05/2017 20:32

I'm guessing that your daughter doesn't like your sister much. Maybe you told your daughter your side of the story when there was a rift and she has a low opinion of her aunt as a result.

It is your daughter's wedding. She gets to decide who to invite. If you make a big deal about it and don't go to the wedding then it is hard to see how either of you could come back from that.

Say nothing, go to the wedding, be nice.

LineysRun · 16/05/2017 20:34

It would be helpful if you could answer the questions asked by previous posters, usernamenumberperson, because tbh they're the ones I'd have asked, too, in order to try to help you get to the bottom of this.

Are you able to elaborate at all?

Gooseygoosey12345 · 16/05/2017 20:37

She's not a difficult daughter, you're a difficult mother. Don't be so selfish, it's her wedding. If you want to be able to invite people to a wedding then have your own. And to slate people who have responded because you didn't get the answer you wanted to back up your selfish ideas just shows exactly what sort of person you are and quite frankly, it sounds like you're lucky to get an invite yourself! Stop projecting your shit onto your kids!

TurnipCake · 16/05/2017 20:38

Were you expecting us to tell you what you wanted to hear?

AnyFucker · 16/05/2017 20:38

I'm with your daughter

You have no right to insist on who comes to her wedding. Suck it up or sack it off...but expect to lose your relationship with her if you carry on in this selfish vein

pinkhorse · 16/05/2017 20:40

Why would she invite someone to her wedding just on your say so?

Dragongirl10 · 16/05/2017 20:40

Op the replies may seem harsh, but it is rally up to your daughter who she invites to her wedding, sorry.

There may be lots of other issues but on this one it is not for you to comment or expect her to consider your wishes.

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 16/05/2017 20:43

I still feel annoyed at my mil for making us invite 'family' to our wedding we didnt want to. Besides the fact it cost us an extra 1k, we never seen them or heard from them, they never even congratulated us on our child. One person caused us hassle before it because her daughter wasnt invited. On the day her partner just didnt turn up at a loss of 75 pounds to us and she never even apologised or explained why and on the day when i walked up to talk to them she never even acknowledged me or said hi.

People should invite who they want at their own wedding. You need to accept she doesnt want her there.

What has being jealous of her brother got to do with you and her relationship and how close you are? Or to do with her wedding day?

billybullshitterz1 · 16/05/2017 20:59

You sound like an absolute nightmare! It's her wedding so stop making demands

Allabitmuchisntit · 16/05/2017 21:02

It's her wedding.

Can you give an example of the type of thing you might say to her, when you're trying to communicate and she ends up shouting?

Onsiequeen · 16/05/2017 21:10

Although I appreciate you might be very hurt you've got to understand it is her wedding and although it probably means a lot right now, is it really worth the argument? You gave birth to her and raised her, would be a real shame for another family rift to occur over 1 day. Maybe once the the wedding has happened you could try and heal the rift then? Why did they fall out in the first place if you don't mind me asking?

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