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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've just asked my DP to leave

57 replies

Emergencynamechange123 · 14/05/2017 14:12

Because this morning, when my DD was being annoying (she's 11) he picked her up by her arms, moved her across the room, dropped her and smacked her bum. I was horrified.

I love(d) him very much, but this isn't acceptable is it? This isn't a difference of parenting styles. He's saying I am crazy and overprotective and being stupid.

I don't want to be one of those people who put their relationship over their children. This is not ok.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emergencynamechange123 · 14/05/2017 15:12

Please. Would someone talk to me?

OP posts:
Reow · 14/05/2017 15:13

No it's not on. He smacked your child!

You did the right thing.

Beelzebop · 14/05/2017 15:13

Hello! I think you have good reason to be outraged at him. What happened in the lead up to the incident? Hope your daughter is OK? Xxx

CiderwithBuda · 14/05/2017 15:13

You did the right thing. I take it he is not her father?

Gallavich · 14/05/2017 15:14

You are right. Has he smacked her before? It's almost worst if he hasn't because that's just random violence coming from nowhere.

PastysPrincess · 14/05/2017 15:14

From your description it doesn't sound at all acceptable. If you fear for your childs safety then definitely asking him to leave is the right thing.

HCantThinkOfAUsername · 14/05/2017 15:15

You've done the right thing Flowers

Quartz2208 · 14/05/2017 15:22

You did the right thing (I assume he is not her father) and it's crossing a line

Aquamarine1029 · 14/05/2017 15:52

You did the right thing. Don't let him gaslight you into believing you're overprotective. You're not.

Alexandra87 · 14/05/2017 15:53

100% did the right thing.

isitjustme2017 · 14/05/2017 15:58

Is this the first incident like this? Not that I'm excusing it, especially if he says you are over-reacting. But if your DD is 11 then I'd be surprised if this is the first time he's done something physical.
There really is no excuse for this behaviour. Was she upset? Did he hurt her?

Original poster
Emergencynamechange123 · 14/05/2017 15:58

No. He's not her dad.

He's a big, strong guy and he's been over physical with her once or twice, but never to this extent.

He didn't hit her hard, but he scared her (and me). He said it was his right because she was getting in his face and sitting on him when he didn't want her to and he had a right to physically eject her from the room.

I thought we would be together until one of us dropped.

He isn't perfect. He doesn't work much, he tells the odd lie, but he was very kind to me and no one ever really loved me before. I know that's pathetic.

OP posts:
Misstic · 14/05/2017 16:06

It's hard to say. She was being physical with him and he picked her up and moved her to another room and gave her a no-hard smack on the bottom.

In his shoes and given what you just described now, I might have done the same.

ModreB · 14/05/2017 16:13
  1. You know that the minute he laid hands on her, it's domestic violence.
  1. You said that no one ever loved you, well, your children will until you let them down. Then they still will love you, but as they get older will see how you failed to protect them. Is a man worth that?
  1. Protect your children. If you don't have their back, who will?

Sorry if I seem harsh, but I was the child in this situation. And what my mother did would have made a difference. If she had done it.

Original poster
Emergencynamechange123 · 14/05/2017 16:14

She'd stopped, and was sitting next to him. I asked her to get moving and get dressed and she didn't. I asked her again and she didn't and then he furiously grabbed her and moved her as I described.

It was the anger as much as anything I think think.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emergencynamechange123 · 14/05/2017 16:15

Thank you ModreB. You're not being harsh, you're being real.

I know what the right thing to do is, but it is hurting rather more than I expected

OP posts:
Original poster
Emergencynamechange123 · 14/05/2017 16:15

Sorry. Not v coherent.

OP posts:
Reachingout1 · 14/05/2017 16:21

OP, on the pure fact he is not her father that is unacceptable!
If it was maybe her actual dads partner I am sure you would have something to say!
I would go absolute burrserk if anyone paid a finger on my child other than me or my daughters dad as in a little tap on the bum ( in no way hard ) when needed.
Hope you're ok x

fannydaggerz · 14/05/2017 16:26

My husband would have been booted out the door if he did that.

Absolutely not on.

Misstic · 14/05/2017 16:46

If I give my child a light smack on the bottom for misbehaving, this is domestic violence? Really?

OP, in the future make it clear to your new partner that as they are not your child's father you do not expect them to get involved in discipline and they must leave patenting of your daughter to you.

Based on your clarification, his response seems inappropriate.

Beyondworried · 14/05/2017 16:47

Bollox to that. If a man laid a single finger on my child they would be gone in an instant.

Intransige · 14/05/2017 16:49

It's the anger that's the problem. She was frightened and that's not ok, particularly since he's so much bigger than her. It's also an awful message to give a young girl - people bigger than you can physically force you to do things Sad

Jtaylor143 · 14/05/2017 16:51

Unacceptable if he's not her father, you did the right thing in my opinion. Hope you're ok

dirtywindows · 14/05/2017 17:13

Sorry you're going through this. I think you know yourself that you're doing the right thing as hard as it is. Stay strong Flowers

KarmaNoMore · 14/05/2017 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.