have i really lost her

[eddie86c]

Hi all,
I know im probably gonna get a lot of stick on here and I know its well deserved.

So 2 months ago the mother of my child left me and rightly took our son with her. The reason she left was due to my aggression (I would like to make it clear I never phyisically hurt her or little man but I did loose my temper and shout and even broke a mirror I know that doesn't make things any better). The other reasons she left was me being very down and depressive, taking this out on her along with smoking a lot of weed. I'm not excusing my behaviour

I have written to her to apologise for my behaviour. She lets me have our son every weekend and I do give her money for him.

When she first left I was very needy and couldn't let go (yet more bad behaviour on my part). She has subsequently told me she only wants to talk if it is about little man and that she no longer loves me.

This has all been a major wake up call for me I've stoped the weed (fags aswell for that matter) and am generally trying to improve myself have started to exercise every day and have seen Dr to get help with depression and anger management (appointments start on 2nd June). I have always worked but am doing a lot of overtime in addition now. I'm doing all this to be a better person and a better dad to out son.

The thing is I do still love her a great deal and would like someday o be given a 2nd chance at happiness with her am I being unrealistic in this hope or is it a dream worth hanging on to. I really can't see myself ever being with someone else. I really don't know where to go from here to prove that i can be a better man and that I'm worth giving a 2nd chance to.

Dude, get your shit together. Stop blaming "unconscious" forces on your own bad behaviour and focus on getting clean, being an active and involved father and take responsibility for any harm you have caused.

Yes you've probably lost her, personally I think she was a bit a loon rocket for having kids with a dope head with an unpleasant way of treating people in the first place.

I would gather you both probably have to have a sit down with yourselves and examine what choices you have made and why. However it's never too late to embark on a journey of self knowledge and discovery. Props for kicking the habit, and props for her for extracating out of an terrible situation for your son.

I find it a positive thing you saying you are not interested in anyone other than your ex, you can step up and prioritise being an active and involved dad, and fix yourself.

God, just reading this guy's posts is giving me that anxious, knotted feeling.
He won't be back now I expect so none of us will have to listen to the self indulgent cringy drivel any more.
I will give a HUGE round of applause to his ex though... it takes some of us A LOT longer to pluck up the courage. Well done, love

Op won't come back.

I think Poverty hit the nail on the head.

They think we're bloody stupid, don't they?

I almost wish my ex would try this stunt so he could similarly be annihilated.

Homity Your post is terrifying! Was he known to be a psychopath? I was kind of taken in by OP so I must be naïve. Everyone else sees him for what he is.

I almost wish my ex would try this stunt so he could similarly be annihilated

Heh I had the same thought earlier I was nowhere near anything resembling a mumsnet back then though.

Same shit, same script it's scary how many of them are they.

Scary how op can justify his aggression by claiming he had no choice. Of course he has a choice!

Was he known to be a psychopath?

All abusive men are on some level. I don't believe they can change. I was very very uneasy when this woman went back.

OP: I left a 21 year relationship similar to the one you described. Good times, peppered with emotional and verbal abuse (once physical), 2 wonderful kids, alcohol dependency, anxiety issues, depression.

It was the hardest decision of my life, clouded with fear, doubt, guilt and obligation. You see, for some reason i still love the bastard. I left 3 months ago. I left my beautiful home we built together, I have disrupted the kids lives, I have cried more tears than you can imagine.

He won't believe its truely over, and to some degree that is my fault, because I am trying to keep things as amicable as possible. He keeps love bombing me, then reverting to type when he doesn't get the response he believes he should have, and turns nasty and angry again. Yesterday I visited some mutual friends and told him, he was pissed I went. I knew he would be, he feels left out, isolated etc. He is still trying to control me.

The best thing he could have done was tell me he understood why I left, give me space to work on my own issues, and remain pleasant but distant. Of course that was never going to happen. If he had done that and shown me he was making great strides towards dealing with HIS issues (that he projected onto me), IF......there might have been a tiny tiny chance. But all he has done has cemented why I left in the first place.

His behaviour over our relationship has left me with anxiety ( i am a happy go lucky person usually), low self worth, disorded relationships with other people, and a whole heap of ongoing thoughts about what I deserve and don't. You will have damaged her beyond your imagination. She has shown huge strength of character to leave you and you should be proud of the mother of your child for that.

The best advice I can give you, is try remain amicable, deal with your issues and do not expect anything. If she moves on, deal with it. You had your chance. You need to unpick what happened so you don't repeat the same mistakes again and show your child what a strong father is, who respects all women in his life.

Leave her alone.