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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Cant get over a married coworker!! Frustated:(

86 replies

perplexed89 · 13/05/2017 02:03

I am a happily married women, married 6 years ago. When i say happily married, i really mean it.I am in a travelling job, travelling every week for 4 days. I have been doing this for the last 10 years. Everything was fine until few months back a guy(lets call him David) joined the company as my new boss. I dont know when but i have developed a strong crush on him.
I recently came to know he is married and has a 4 year old son. I dont know anything about his wife / their relation.

I am getting mixed signals from him. He is an anti social guy. We only talk about work related stuff in office and otherwise. Nothing else. However, he is very charming and warm. Or may be i feel that way!!

We sometimes have office parties and he always casually asks me if i am going. But my response doesnt change his decision anyway. Anyway we had a recent party to which i went and he was also there He opened up a bit and told me that i was dong good in my work etc etc. then all of a sudden he asked when i was going to show him my hubbyz photo. I just said sometime soon. Then we generally spoke about my husbandz work and i was praising my husband and he asked , you think your husband is better than me?? i just ignored the comment.

As the party progressed, i think he got a bit drunk and started giving hi fis though he was giving it to other people too. However, he did talk to me about random stuff.

I dont think of this all this is a big deal but at last i was sitting and he sat very very close to me. When i moved farther he asked me why i was moving and not sitting clos. I told him bcoz there so much space here. To be honest, i was liking him sitting next to me but there were other people so i couldnt help. Anyway as i pushed farther he got up.

Sometime later i went home.
Later i messaged him that i liked speakIng to him and he said he was very glad that i came.

I dont think there is anything great about the conversation we had but david usually is very reserved and speaks only when spoken to and never talks much other than work. However during the party he opened up the conversation and even made sure i had the right equipement to play the game we all were playing as a group

Hey tease me a lot with his sarcasm and i have found him looking at me sometimes.

I am not sure what to make of this. I am already feeling guilty of cheating my husband but i cant get him out of my mind. I dont think i want any relation with david but his i like when he pays attention to me.

I want to vent this frustation out, so writing here. He is a leo cusp.

I cant change my job and dont know how to get over him

OP posts:
user1479302027 · 14/05/2017 08:32

Regret - reject

sunnydaysss · 14/05/2017 08:36

You like having your ego stroked don't you, are you feeling insecure?! Grow up and stop asking dumb questions about a married "man"

MaisyPops · 14/05/2017 08:49

Most people feel a little ego boost when someone finds them attractive.
(It's only on MN where some people think you never find anyone attractive ever and you're never a little bit flattered by some attention because if you are then you're clearly a homewrecker).

OP, you can't control attraction but you can control your actions.
I'd stop rehashing this "I feel so guilty" thing because it's making a mountain out of a molehill. You found a guy attractive. He may or may not find you attractive but has flattered you. Keep it professional and move on. The more head space you give to it the more likely you are to push it

DesertSky · 14/05/2017 19:35

I do think OP that you are seeing into things that aren't there because you want your boss to be after you. You're playing a very dangerous game, and if things are as good as you claim they are in your marriage then you will leave well alone. Please do not try to send signals or encourage this man. Focus in your marriage - how long have you been together? Maybe you need to make more time for each other i.e., date nights? It sounds like you're a bit bored tbh.

perplexed89 · 14/05/2017 23:57

User1479 - many guys have made advances during my entire career and I have successfully ignored them all. However, somehow i couldnt stop myself this time.

Since it is not too late, i am now diverting my attention away from him.
Travelling to work location again tomorrow but now determined to ignore him.

OP posts:
FreeNiki · 15/05/2017 00:01

When i say happily married, i really mean it

You're really not happy in your marriage if you want to cheat.

He is a leo cusp.

I have four things to say about that:

  1. Yeah
  2. And
  3. So
  4. What

Have you drawn up astro charts on compatibility?

purplecollar · 15/05/2017 00:04

He's a player. He enjoys roping people in. Don't be that weak, soppy person. It won't end well.

perplexed89 · 15/05/2017 00:04

Freeniki - i havent indicated anywhere that i want to cheat.

OP posts:
user1471545174 · 15/05/2017 00:06

What MaisyPops said.

FreeNiki · 15/05/2017 00:10

the fact you're fantasising about this man says you want to cheat

perplexed89 · 15/05/2017 00:17

The beauty of speaking to strangers is they help you see what went wrong and what you can do to make things right, without being biased.

Past is past! Atleast, I know what i should be doing going forward.

OP posts:
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