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Original poster

Cant get over a married coworker!! Frustated:(

86 replies

perplexed89 · 13/05/2017 02:03

I am a happily married women, married 6 years ago. When i say happily married, i really mean it.I am in a travelling job, travelling every week for 4 days. I have been doing this for the last 10 years. Everything was fine until few months back a guy(lets call him David) joined the company as my new boss. I dont know when but i have developed a strong crush on him.
I recently came to know he is married and has a 4 year old son. I dont know anything about his wife / their relation.

I am getting mixed signals from him. He is an anti social guy. We only talk about work related stuff in office and otherwise. Nothing else. However, he is very charming and warm. Or may be i feel that way!!

We sometimes have office parties and he always casually asks me if i am going. But my response doesnt change his decision anyway. Anyway we had a recent party to which i went and he was also there He opened up a bit and told me that i was dong good in my work etc etc. then all of a sudden he asked when i was going to show him my hubbyz photo. I just said sometime soon. Then we generally spoke about my husbandz work and i was praising my husband and he asked , you think your husband is better than me?? i just ignored the comment.

As the party progressed, i think he got a bit drunk and started giving hi fis though he was giving it to other people too. However, he did talk to me about random stuff.

I dont think of this all this is a big deal but at last i was sitting and he sat very very close to me. When i moved farther he asked me why i was moving and not sitting clos. I told him bcoz there so much space here. To be honest, i was liking him sitting next to me but there were other people so i couldnt help. Anyway as i pushed farther he got up.

Sometime later i went home.
Later i messaged him that i liked speakIng to him and he said he was very glad that i came.

I dont think there is anything great about the conversation we had but david usually is very reserved and speaks only when spoken to and never talks much other than work. However during the party he opened up the conversation and even made sure i had the right equipement to play the game we all were playing as a group

Hey tease me a lot with his sarcasm and i have found him looking at me sometimes.

I am not sure what to make of this. I am already feeling guilty of cheating my husband but i cant get him out of my mind. I dont think i want any relation with david but his i like when he pays attention to me.

I want to vent this frustation out, so writing here. He is a leo cusp.

I cant change my job and dont know how to get over him

OP posts:
duxb · 13/05/2017 04:48

Is this for real?

The spelling and explanation of the apparent scenario at the party scream "teenage" to me.

Glastokitty · 13/05/2017 05:02

A leo cusp you say?Hmm Sounds painful. Grin

Catherinebee85 · 13/05/2017 05:15

You sound like a school girl experiencing her first crush. Analysing every word and gesture.

But you're a grown up, married woman. You dint have to 'get over' him. You're not in love with him. You're probably drawn in by the attention.

Nothing has happened. Why are you even considering that families would be 'broken'. Sounds like you want it to be a bigger deal than it is!

sonlypuppyfat · 13/05/2017 06:22

I was also confused about the Leo cusp what the hell is that

Jaynebxl · 13/05/2017 06:33

Focus on the fact that he's the kind of man who would cheat on his wife and daughter, and needs to big himself up by comparing himself to your dh. That should help him appear more ugly. Then you can look at him with slight distaste when you next see him.
And what's a Leo cusp? Or did you mean he's a righf cunt?

justkeeponsmiling · 13/05/2017 06:34

Spot on duxb

CiliatedEpithelium · 13/05/2017 06:38

You sound like you have ten bob each way on yourself OP. A little humility might be better. Never was a grip emoticon more needed.

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings · 13/05/2017 06:43

Oh, he's a Leo cusp? Well you should definitely shag him then. It's one of the star signs that make your marriage vows null and void. You should've led with that really and all the previous posters would've already told you this.

MistySparrow · 13/05/2017 06:53

He sounds very strange, and a creep.

Leo cusp Hmm

innagazing · 13/05/2017 07:03

He is a leo cusp.
Grin
Sorry, nothing useful to add to this.

lula4444 · 13/05/2017 07:10

You are saying you don't want to be a home wrecker and yet all that's happened is he's made one comment to you. It's not like he's tried it on in any way with you Confused definitely leave it where it is!

MaisyPops · 13/05/2017 07:14

I think you're getting a hard time OP.
You don't sound to me like you want to act on it. You're just after some advice.

It's perfectly normal to find other people attractive. I don't think you can worry too much about that.

I think you're making thr situation worse for yourself by feeling guilty if cheating when no thing's happened, which seems to then lead to you into over analysing everything this man does or says.

It's fine to find somebody else attractive but keep everything strictly professional from now, and don't waste time/energy thinking what if...

intheknickersoftime · 13/05/2017 07:26

I also think you're getting a bit of a hard time. It is very normal to feel attracted to a coworker. You just have to put it in box and forget about it.

CiliatedEpithelium · 13/05/2017 07:27

Ahhh soz. Missed the Leo cusp bit. As you were OP, crack on.

TheNaze73 · 13/05/2017 07:42

I'm sure people saying that the op is getting a hard time, would be equally sympathetic to their partners if they were doing the same?

MaisyPops · 13/05/2017 07:49

TheNaze73
She's not actually doing anything other than finding him attractive (and going into school girl mode over it).

I also think this "I found him attractive so I'm practically having an emotional affair" is what probably ends up driving things like this because it becomes secretive.

Much healthier to think "Daniel is an attractive man. I enjoy his company at work. Keep it professional". Simple.

And yes. I'd have no issue with my husband finding a colleague attractive as long as he behaved professionally. You can't control attraction. You can control you actions.

natienka · 13/05/2017 07:50

Sometimes things like that happen - it's only been in the realm of thoughts and some miscommunicated words. Don't beat yourself up so much over this cos you're human - many people don't even stop and refect when you did and then say 'things just happened'.
So well done for facing this when you did, don't let others shame you cos life isn't black and white, just keep thinking ahead rather than in the moment. What you want your life to be. If you want to stay happily married, consciously avoid word plays and uncertain situations. Good luck love!

CaoNiMartacus · 13/05/2017 08:03

Well, if he's a "leo cusp" then go for it. Destiny.

Hmm
user1479302027 · 13/05/2017 08:05

Hi op, are you sure he is charming? Your descriptions of his behaviour suggest creepy! They are straight out of the player's handbook, which every socially dysfunctional creep will try. Every office has one from time to time, and onlookers sympathise with the poor apprentice who falls for it, let alone the married mum. Your relationship with your partner sounds much more romantic!

Ktown · 13/05/2017 08:12

Just imagine the bill you and he will be paying once you break up two families.
Living in a bed sit with him won't be so attractive then.
I would avoid sending texts - they have a tendency to be discovered and if I was his wife I would be ripping into the two of you for messaging like teenagers.

Cricrichan · 13/05/2017 08:32

Many people have little crushes on people they get on with or have a spark with. You're also probably feeling a bit special because he talks to you in a way he doesn't to other people and been made to feel special. If that's all there is then don't take it any further . If there's an issue in your marriage then deal with that one way or the other and if you do end up single then don't end up with a married man with a young child! Nothing's happened..don't let it.

DeeDooDee · 13/05/2017 08:32

This sounds like an odd post. Hmm
How old are you?

DownTownAbbey · 13/05/2017 08:38

I too think he sounds socially disfunctional. He's not Heathcliff or Mr Rochester (or Christian sodding Grey) he's just a plain ordinary idiot who you happen to find attractive at the moment. He doesn't sound like a very nice drunk, either.

ApocalypseNowt · 13/05/2017 08:39

I think you should have opened with leo cusp......

To be honest though OP leo cusp is absolutely no help unless we know what you are too? Then we can check if you're compatible.

I'm asparagus rising if it helps.

RockyBird · 13/05/2017 08:49

Star signs are utter bollocks, OP. The fact you know his and think it means something is an indicator to how far in your own head in you are in with your stupid crush on a creepy arsehole

Give yourself a shake and stop being a bam.

Crushes are normal, but thinking they are something is not.

If you want to shag your boss, be a love and let your husband know first.