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Original poster

Cant get over a married coworker!! Frustated:(

86 replies

perplexed89 · 13/05/2017 02:03

I am a happily married women, married 6 years ago. When i say happily married, i really mean it.I am in a travelling job, travelling every week for 4 days. I have been doing this for the last 10 years. Everything was fine until few months back a guy(lets call him David) joined the company as my new boss. I dont know when but i have developed a strong crush on him.
I recently came to know he is married and has a 4 year old son. I dont know anything about his wife / their relation.

I am getting mixed signals from him. He is an anti social guy. We only talk about work related stuff in office and otherwise. Nothing else. However, he is very charming and warm. Or may be i feel that way!!

We sometimes have office parties and he always casually asks me if i am going. But my response doesnt change his decision anyway. Anyway we had a recent party to which i went and he was also there He opened up a bit and told me that i was dong good in my work etc etc. then all of a sudden he asked when i was going to show him my hubbyz photo. I just said sometime soon. Then we generally spoke about my husbandz work and i was praising my husband and he asked , you think your husband is better than me?? i just ignored the comment.

As the party progressed, i think he got a bit drunk and started giving hi fis though he was giving it to other people too. However, he did talk to me about random stuff.

I dont think of this all this is a big deal but at last i was sitting and he sat very very close to me. When i moved farther he asked me why i was moving and not sitting clos. I told him bcoz there so much space here. To be honest, i was liking him sitting next to me but there were other people so i couldnt help. Anyway as i pushed farther he got up.

Sometime later i went home.
Later i messaged him that i liked speakIng to him and he said he was very glad that i came.

I dont think there is anything great about the conversation we had but david usually is very reserved and speaks only when spoken to and never talks much other than work. However during the party he opened up the conversation and even made sure i had the right equipement to play the game we all were playing as a group

Hey tease me a lot with his sarcasm and i have found him looking at me sometimes.

I am not sure what to make of this. I am already feeling guilty of cheating my husband but i cant get him out of my mind. I dont think i want any relation with david but his i like when he pays attention to me.

I want to vent this frustation out, so writing here. He is a leo cusp.

I cant change my job and dont know how to get over him

OP posts:
Chucklecheeksagain · 13/05/2017 09:47

I don't want to break my family

You've already done that OP, you just haven't had the common decency to tell DH.

He simply doesn't know it's broken. Tell him the truth, let him decide if it can be fixed.

Thinkingofausername1 · 13/05/2017 12:30

Sounds like a sleaze to me. You need to set up boundaries.

Cricrichan · 13/05/2017 12:34

Rocky bird don't be ridiculous! She's got a bit of a crush - nothings happened and from what she's said we don't even know if her boss is just a bit socially awkward and finds her easy to talk to. Jeez.

RebornSlippy · 13/05/2017 12:34

Ah, he's a leo cusp. That explains it all. Crystal.

Huskylover1 · 13/05/2017 13:03

You're not really in love with your husband, if you are day dreaming about your boss. You might think you are, but you're really, really not.

Huskylover1 · 13/05/2017 13:05

Oh and star signs are a load of crap. Do you really think that Mystic Meg would be working for The Sun, if she had the power to predict what was going to happen to everyone next week? No.

Palomb · 13/05/2017 13:08

Have you posted about this before Op?

HildaOg · 13/05/2017 13:12

Feelings are irrelevant, we all have inappropriate crushes, adults are perfectly capable of keeping that to themselves. Behave professionally, don't flirt, don't text him on personal time and focus on your work at work and your husband at home.

He's responding to the signals you're giving him, when you stop the flirting and chasing him, he'll back off.

fiftyplustwo · 13/05/2017 13:19

Maybe he's the one who has currently written to The Guardian's Family section, "Problem Solved", with the question "I’ve fallen in love with a colleague – but I’m married with children" - some guy who has developed a crush on some colleague at his office.

ddssdd · 13/05/2017 14:04

There are two types of bosses: professional and unprofessional. But seeing as you're the one who has started a thread, I'll deal with you.

You are treading on dangerous ground. Where is your self-respect? And why are you texting him telling him you like talking to him. Sounds to me like you are the one making something out of nothing.

My boss has my mobile number, as I have his; but I would feel extremely angry & let down if he text me telling me like he liked talking to me Hmm. And it seems like he's only reacting to your antics, flimsy, nonetheless.

Stop this now.

RockyBird · 13/05/2017 14:05

Cricrichan

I'm the one being ridiculous on this thread? GrinGrinGrin

Off you fuck, m'dear.

PS I'm a Taurus, HTH

FrenchMartiniTime · 13/05/2017 14:11

You just keep telling yourself that you're "happily married" and I'm sure it will all be fine.

Hmm
SafeToCross · 13/05/2017 15:04

It will pass if you keep good boundaries. And maybe consider if working away is having a negative effect on your relationship.

Original poster
perplexed89 · 13/05/2017 17:33

I know i am at fault here and i am trying hard to stop it.
I didnt want my feelings to be bottled up but rather needed someone to share this with. I cant tell this to my family and friends as i am too embarrassed of my actions.

Reading all the posts here and feeling the disgust, is already making me way stronger than i was yesterday.

OP posts:
Ship0fFools · 13/05/2017 18:56

Rockybird
I have a feeling Cricrichan may have been mistaken and was referring to chucklecheeksagain post.

Frustrationstations · 13/05/2017 19:03

It's handy to know he's a Leo cusp. In my experience most Leo cusps have a very small penis and always flirt with women to get close to their husbands. I saw David on the Pride march earlier today and he told me he's only getting close to u so he can see ur hubz photo. ALL Leo cusps are like this. I promise you, keep a close eye on your husbandz all women who know Leo cusp men.

Frustrationstations · 13/05/2017 19:05

NO JOKEZ. Respect da hororrscopez.
I am libra scorpionz rising btw. With the beginninz of gum disease appaz.
My camera never liez and neither do the starz

Hth SmileSmileSmile

PeanutButterBunny · 13/05/2017 20:18

Its lust not love. You will get over it and dont shit where you work.

BubblingUp · 13/05/2017 20:32

It doesn't matter what he thinks or doesn't think. How he acts or doesn't act. What he says drunk or sober. He may like you. He may not. It just doesn't matter. All that matters is your self control.

It's okay to have a man like you, and you not reciprocate - even if you have a crush on him. You can say No. You don't have to get involved. Even if you do discover he likes you and chases after you, you can say No.

Original poster
perplexed89 · 13/05/2017 20:45

Thank you for the support natienka:) Appreciate it

OP posts:
Original poster
perplexed89 · 13/05/2017 20:48

Thanks again all for your suggestions and support. It is a good day today... i have deleted all the text messages. I am feeling determined to end this crazy feeling for ever.

OP posts:
RudeDog · 13/05/2017 20:51

I think some people are being very harsh to you.
I don't think we teach people how to deal with situations like this. We are human and we have emotions.
It's a daft crush, you will get over it and I promise one day when it's over you will be able to clearly see him for the twat he is. You're just caught up with it at the moment.

user1494743274 · 14/05/2017 08:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

user1479302027 · 14/05/2017 08:21

User149, are you phishing?

user1479302027 · 14/05/2017 08:31

Have you had much attention at work before? My dw had an affair, and when I asked her why she couldn't regret this office advance like all previous ones, she said no-one had come on to her at work before. I was surprised, as I thought unwanted advances were part of office life.

In any case, I think her unpreparedness made the advances seem more special, more romantic, than they would to someone who deals with it on a regular basis.

But the techniques were similar - talk about the husband (so you can latch on to any negative narratives about him), sitting too close (so she doesn't go rigid, you can push it further), etc etc. Keep pushing it a bit at a time, until you are rooted in their space It was pretty sordid from the outside, and seemed so once he was found out and told his wife, the boss and friends of both in our community.

Now that I have a four year old, the idea of predating at work and jeopardizing home life is horrifying, if it wasn't already. I'm just not sure this guy of yours is the George Clooney type that would tempt the saints!