Found out two colleagues are having an affair. What would you do?

[Selena88]

Husband and wife both work for the same company (on the same site but in different offices). Husband is having affair with another colleague on a different site. OW is not known to the wife.

What would you do in the circumstances?

1. Ignore it and pretend you don't know?
2. Tell the husband you know?
3. Tell the wife you know?

For background, husband has form for cheating, once previously almost having an affair with a colleague but wife found out and put a stop to it. Full blown affair with at least one other person outside of work.

I want to stay out of this, can't see any good coming from telling anyone (professionally or personally) but another colleague who knows about this wants to clue the wife in. In an ideal world I'd maybe tell the husband I knew, but in the circumstances don't see how this could work.

Just to clarify a few details here because this thread has gone a bit batshit, the husband is my friend (although I'm not liking him a lot right now obviously), the wife is my friend because of my friendship with the husband. Neither are what I'd call close friends.

I was asking this question originally because I had never early planned on saying anything for reasons already mentioned on the thread by others - basically it's not my relationship, it's not up to me what any of them do, the wife (for whatever reason) has chosen to stay in a relationship with a man who cheats and also, selfishly, I am worried about the ramifications for my career if I was to spill the beans.

I am 100% sure that the affair is happening, I can't give masses of details on this because it's potentially outing but I am certain.

I am not going to say anything, although I can't speak for my other colleague. She is not friends with any of the people involved so maybe feels more disconnect, I don't know.

And before anyone tries to suggest it, because there have been a few nasty responses to my original post, I am absolutely not interested romantically in my colleague/friend - am very happily with my OH and two DCs.

It's probably been said before but option 1.

Friend or no friend, it's best not to get involved.

Worst case scenario, you will either end up losing friends, or leave the job because of the awkwardness or as has been the case in one of my old workplaces, HR get involved.

Just be there for them once it goes belly up because with this all happening in the same place, it will inevitably come out.

Option 1 is what you should do. In practice if I was in your situation I'd likely send the wife an anonymous email.

Friend or no friend, it's best not to get involved.

Unless of course if friend finds out you already knew, possibly for some length of time, and hadn't said anything.

Can't imagine there have been too many people who, in that situation, have thanked the people who knew but said nothing for not divulging.

Stay out of it
Not your business.

Be different if you were best friends, or family etc.

You don't wanna be that person

Found out two colleagues are having an affair. What would you do?

Gossip.

I'd tell the husband I knew about the affair...and then blackmail the fuck out of him £££££

Let things proceed as they are. But

1. Not interfering means not ringing the spouse and saying "John's shagging Harriet by the way" but also means not covering for John and Harriet either. So if asked anything, be honest. Also, just talk about events at work to the spouse exactly as you would in any other circumstances. You don't need to be discreet either. If engaging in general conversation, talk freely even if a mention that "John and Harriet where out of the office a long time on Wednesday, pissed the receptionist right off as she couldn't get anyone to answer a query" would make the spouse suspicious. If that's the kind of thing you talk about anyway.

1. Zero tolerance for any impact this might have on work performance or work relationships. So no favoritism, absences, late deadlines, decisions made in favour of shag partner etc. This could involve seeking advice from e.g. Line manager or HR.

So don't go out of your way to do something. But don't take it on yourself to purposefully avoid doing something either, and don't make up for any performance issues either- including feeling uncomfortable due to shennagins.