Found out two colleagues are having an affair. What would you do?

[Selena88]

Husband and wife both work for the same company (on the same site but in different offices). Husband is having affair with another colleague on a different site. OW is not known to the wife.

What would you do in the circumstances?

1. Ignore it and pretend you don't know?
2. Tell the husband you know?
3. Tell the wife you know?

For background, husband has form for cheating, once previously almost having an affair with a colleague but wife found out and put a stop to it. Full blown affair with at least one other person outside of work.

I want to stay out of this, can't see any good coming from telling anyone (professionally or personally) but another colleague who knows about this wants to clue the wife in. In an ideal world I'd maybe tell the husband I knew, but in the circumstances don't see how this could work.

You really can't start sending libelous, anonymous notes to people at work. That is a fast route to a disciplinary and creepy as fuck.

Stay out. They are not your friends, they are colleagues. Although I'd get great pleasure dropping hints that I know to both of them. Watch them sweat!

I know my boss has had at least one affair and I'll take it to the grave.

I feel sorry for the wife. How horrible for her when she finds out about her husband's cheating and then that people knew. I'd tell her.
Me too.

If I were the wife I'd like to know. The only reason not to do anything is to protect yourself. Personally I don't think that's as important as ensuring another woman has the knowledge she needs to make an informed decision about her future, even if that's staying but insulating herself emotionally against her husband.

The world it full of women who wish they'd known or left sooner, and of plenty more people who knew but didn't say.

Don't say a word. Not your circus...

Do the cheating spouse and the OW manage each other. If so, then HR may need to be made aware (depending on how hot the organisation is on dealing with potential nepotism).

I think that the betrayed spouse should be told, because it makes things all the worse for them when they realise everyone kept the cheating couple's secret. And as pp out it, she needs to be able to make choices about her life as it really is, not based on lies.

As you say a colleague is about to tell her, then you need not meddle in order to protect the affair.

I I was in this position several years ago. My good friend was the OW and we all worked together although I didn't work closely with the man she was having an affair with or his wife.

I said nothing. I didn't want to get involved and would the wife have believed me anyway? It was my place of work and I wanted to maintain professionalism.

I told the OW several times that he would never be hers and that she was destroying a family. I also made the point that if it hadn't been her it would have been someone else, i.e. She was the right person at the right time. She was totally besotted and in love with him and everything I said fell on deaf ears. She felt he was different and he had "said things to her". Once I'd said my piece though I left her to it. However she would come to me for advise, she wanted me to indulge her. I could only speak honestly and say things she didn't want to hear. It ruined our friendship in the end because she couldn't understand why I wasn't supportive of their romance. In the end her dumped her.

Everything ends. You just have to steel yourself and try to ignore.

If I were the wife I'd like to know. The only reason not to do anything is to protect yourself. Personally I don't think that's as important as ensuring another woman has the knowledge she needs to make an informed decision about her future, even if that's staying but insulating herself emotionally against her husband.

The world it full of women who wish they'd known or left sooner, and of plenty more people who knew but didn't say.

This. If it were me, I'd want to know. In fact, I'm pretty sure 'd'h has had at least one affair. If someone had proof of that, I'd want them to tell me so that I could make a more informed choice about our relationship.

I'd be tempted to message her anonymously that you've heard he's having an affair with the name of the other woman. Then it's up to the wife to keep an eye out. No person deserves to be with a serial cheat.

Part of me agrees with the anonymous letter but imagine being on receiving end. Being told that but no evidence.

What have you actually seen?

I would agree with those who say the wife needs to know, but I'm not sure how you go about telling her.

She should be given the chance to leave sooner rather than later and also to avoid any further humiliation of colleagues knowing and gossiping about her.

Ignore. If you are the manager of one of them, be prepared for the inevitable fall out. Seek HR input when there is fall out. Ignore. It is not your business and only your problem if you are their manager or on the same team and are directly affected.
If there is bullying and other bad behaviour, report that.

What would be the point in telling the husband? He's shagging someone at work, is obviously not a decent guy, you'd just be giving him the chance to gaslight his wife. There's nothing to stop him taking responsibility for his own actions and telling his wife himself.
I would probably not tell the wife unless I knew her well and if it was widely known at work. I've seen the fallout from similar situations where the wife was most hurt because every single colleague, including ones she saw socially, knew about the affair and said nothing.
I would keep quiet about the whole thing unless the affair is having a direct bearing upon your day to day work.

Whatever you decide you need to tell HR and have it recorded in case there's any fall out on you and your colleague

It's work. You don't seem to be close friends with either so I'd stay out of it. Would be different if it was friends or family but they're work colleagues. Just get on with your job and don't pay any attention unless it is directly impacting your ability to do your job properly which it isn't.

Gossip can be rife in some work places. Do you have any actual evidence or just hearsay?

If you have concrete facts to offer then I think the right thing to do would be to find some way to inform the wife of them.

Although the easiest would be to just ignore. I sometimes wonder if that is why some people can seem to push strongly for "ignore" and "none of your business" etc.

When my friends husband was having an affair, she got an anonymous phone call. Maybe do that. She deserves to know.

It's none of your business.

I'd find a way to tell the wife.

I'd let them know they were s pair of shits also.

Can't quite believe you have asked what you should do about something that is absolutely NONE of your business and how sanctimonious you are to even think it is.

I've got some advice. Get on with your job and stop looking for places to stick your sticky beak There, easy

Stay out of it is my advice. You are there to work and be professional. Other colleagues' private lives are not for you to be involved in. You want to be as far away as possible when the shit hits the fan - and it will!

I hate affairs and can't stand the though of another person being shit on. So I would probably write a note and slip it to her somehow. She's living with an arsehole

Its none of your nevermind OP.

Stay out of it.

Not sure what HR could do about it at this stage unless its causing work related problems? We're not employees Mummies

Hold on so your all ssaying if this was your husband you wouldn't want to know ?!? Tell the poor woman !!