Emotional abuse still love partner but feel worthless

[confused84]

I have to be quick as have a small window alone.
My partner abuses me I don't think he knows he's doing it but yesterday he tried to smash my phone up but it was a half hearted attempt as it did not break it was just a threat. He grabbed the quilt off me and was throwing cushions and pillows and punching the bed while I was lying in it. It's the furthest he's gone I've been with him nearly four years now.
I was scared I thought he was going to hit me and just stopped himself short of hitting me.
He was telling me he can get better then me and I'm useless I started crying and he was telling me to shut up because I'm a baby and the tears don't work anymore if I cry he always says this which makes me feel pathetic.
When he's being nice it's ok it's good but yesterday was scary I sat in my room all day and never came out then he started messaging me telling me how I had ruined his wkend and was I happy with myself etc
It all started because I went on FB when I was walking to the shop and he saw me on it.
I had this most of the day the verbal abuse and I had no where to go then he got me some dinner last night so I came down in the end and he tried to act normal.
I feel like what he says is true I am worthless and he can get better then me .
I went shopping this morning I wanted to cry I the supermarket I felt like I had been beaten up but no wounds were visible to see.
I felt like telling a stranger or anyone what was happening to me. It's not a one off it's happened before but yday he was leaning over me and screaming in my face and punching the bed right by my head I was scared he's a big bloke.
He's acting normal today he hasn't said sorry he used to say sorry those days are gone . I want to get out but I feel so trapped all my fight has gone and I still love him and everyone else thinks he is amazing

Get in touch with Refuge and police now. Tell them whats happening and if you have no one to help you, they will. Like today, especially if you have young children. Refuge is detailed on here MN. Please speak to the police as you are very scared and need protection. Not 999 but 111 and speak to someone - please xx

If you are out of the house, then phone Women's Aid. They can help you sort your head out - and yes it is bad enough to bother them with.

He wants to win. That his guiding star, winning, being top dog, and he will do or say anything to ensure he gets what he wants.

So, when you leave him, he feels like you've won and he's lost; it's intolerable, so he does whatever is necessary to get you back, so he can feel like he's top dog again.

He will do or say anything to stay on top.

He can only feel that he's on top if he has someone to be on top of - that's you. And with you he gets the bonus of your children whom he can be on top of too. If your older son is how at the age where challenging adults is normal behaviour (at 11, he is) then your boy will be more of a target, so your 'd'p will of course dislike him - and that will get worse, unless your ds caves into him.

Call the police, ask for the dv unit and tell them everything.
Call Women's Aid and tell them everything.
Call your friend and tell her everything.
Tell everyone. Get support in real life, as well as here.

He is a dangerous man. He will hit you. He will hurt you physically, hurt you badly.

He will say it's your fault. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!!

Well I went home after the mot and he made me go out with him in the car basically to go shopping. Then he said he wanted a new tv and could I put money towards it I said no I've got no money he's seriously deluded.
I'm at the school now. My eyes are so sore and burning all day from the wkend of crying my eyes out and then we have to be nice and normal and pretend it never happened and if I'm quiet and do what he wants then life is ok.
I don't know how to get him out or what to say or do I get to scared I've done it before but it takes everything I just wish I never had him back the last time cos it never ends just gets worse

"I don't know how to get him out or what to say",
Why not follow some of advice given here ?

^Call the police, ask for the dv unit and tell them everything.
Call Women's Aid and tell them everything.
Call your friend and tell her everything.
Tell everyone. Get support in real life, as well as here.^

You do know what to do.
You could get someone over to back you up, & tell him you have had enough, its your house & he has to leave....change the locks, block him on the phone & internet. it could be done in a day.
No one can do it for you. It takes courage, but it can only get worse waiting.

Make those calls to the police and Womens Aid. You CAN do it. You HAVE to. NOW. For your children and yourself. He's an arsehole, get rid.

We've all told you what to do.
So do it!!!!
I absolutely realise it's easier said then done when you are the one in the thick of it!
But get him out! FAST!!!!

People will believe you. The police will. Your family will. He behaves like he does because he thinks you are his possession. You are not.

Please. Please.

I agree - call the police and WA today. Go to a neighbour or friend's house if you have to. But call them you must.

Please keep posting op. I hope you do ring someone but when it is safe to do it. He sends shivers down my spine. I hope you get away I really do.

I'm sitting here crying for you and your children. You are suicidal because of this fucking nutcase.

Please believe us when we say that none of this is your fault and it will never get any better, only worse and worse. Your children are at risk from him and of you killing yourself.

I am speaking from experience with mental health when I say that it can suddenly escalate and suicide seems like the only way out.

There IS a new life for you, although you cannot see that yet.

Please, please, please, go into the police station if you don't want to call them, or call women's aid, or the Samaritans on 116 123. You can self refer to your local hospital community mental health crisis team and be seen there on your own to get support and link ins with domestic abuse services. You don't have to tell them everything, just that your home life is severely affecting you and you can request counselling.

You cannot continue like this my darling. I suspect your GP is trained to spot the signs of abuse and is aware that this stress related weight loss and insomnia is a result of your appallingly traumatic home life. You can't afford to keep getting sicker, your children need you to be strong, now more than ever.

Do you want some of us here to come and help you or meet you somewhere, or talk to you on the phone, so you have some support? Many of us have been in abusive relationships and have got out, with the help of others.

You can call a locksmith and tell them you are a woman with children and at risk and ask them to come the same day, then call the police to come out to the property and see you and put necessary orders in place.

Please understand the danger you are in. If you don't get your children out of there and something brings attention to the fact they are being exposed to this abuse, children's services could remove them. I'm not trying to scare you, it really is that serious.

You have the duty as their mum not to enable the abuser and for their and your sakes, you must take action. Doing nothing isn't an option. We are here for you. Hugs.

He's gone to work I'm going to call WA today. He makes me get up with him every morning before he leaves to make him a drink and if I don't he goes in a strop with me but it's an hour before I have to get up.
I never got up with him today I was so exhausted and I didn't want to talk to him this morning.
I'm going to ring them today and see what they say. It's really hard building up courage because I'm still scared of him and feel like I have to do what he wants can't explain it. Like if he knew I had posted this I just know he woild call me a liar etc
He's gone before but he drives past my house and things like that so I never feel properly free.

I don't feel like a person anymore I feel so worthless like I'm nothing . I haven't seen my family & friends for a few weeks now I saw my brother on Friday but that's it in the last month. I come home from the school and go back to bed then I clean quickly as he asks what I've done all day and then he's home and I slave over him literally.
It's like he sees me as this slave to serve him and have nothing outside of it.
Wish I could go I don't know where I would go though what a relief it would be.

Well done for making that first step .
I understand you feel broken and you've fallen into a pattern of placating him all the time to make life easier. You need to find some fight inside you. The real you is in there somewhere!
I know it's scary but you can't pretend things are normal anymore, it's making you very ill.

Good luck today

Well done! Make that phone call. Text your brother to tell him you need help.

Good on you. Little steps, the police can be great in situations like this but they have to know what's actually going on. A non mol order can prevent him coming near your property so I know your fear is he would drive past to intimidate but you would have the law on your side if an order was in place.
Chances are he's not going to say 'OK confused, I'll just pack a few things and I'm off'
Womens Aid will guide you to apply for a non molestation order through the courts. The police may well help you actually get him out of the house ( although I'm not clear on this one)

What a Wanker. He can make his own drink - and bring one to you before he goes! You are not his butler, why are you getting up an hour early to serve him? Say no!

Please make that call today.

He is an abusive piece of shit and you deserve so much better.

Thankyou I'm going to meet my friend now I've actually got up and done my makeup and made myself look decent and I'm going to talk to her. I find it easier to tell strangers than people close to me what is going on.
I'm from the West Midlands if anyone is in my area to maybe meet up with me.
I don't know why I get up it's because he starts on me if I don't get up and even says it's my fault if he's late for work if I don't get up I hate doing it everyday.
Today I didn't get up so he's probably in a mood but I haven't heard off him yet today thankfully.
I feel a bit better but I'm still really scared I know I need him gone because imagine the rest of my days like this.

Take a big deep breath and talk to your friend. It will be such a weight off your shoulders to share this awful abuse, don't minimise it either, it is awful and there's no excuse for it.
This can be the start of making a new life for yourself. I strongly advise getting in touch with the authorities mentioned on this thread. They can help you get a non molestation order in place and support you.

Just stop doing it. Practice being assertive, look him in the eye and tell him he can make his own drink and you are not his maid and if he has a problem with this, he knows where the door is.

Please - you don't have to live the rest of your days like this. My mother put up with decades of abuse from my father and it escalated into physical violence and she still didn't leave and then he started on me and my siblings and that did huge damage to us. Abusers will continue to push the boundaries and get worse and worse over time. Don't let it get to that point where he is punching you and normalising it, because I guarantee you, it will happen.

Please confide in your friend, you need some proper support. Put your hand up and ask for help, you don't have to struggle like this on your own and it is more common than you maybe realise for women to suffer in silence.

You can do this and you will be free to have a happy new life with your children away from this bullying Wanker.

It is not your fault if he is late for work. He is an adult. He is responsible for getting to work on time. You are not his mother nor him a child depending on you, yet that is how he is behaving.

If he is late for work, that is his problem. Make him take responsibility for himself. You have yourself and children to get ready. If anything, he should be helping you as would be the case in a proper family unit working as a team.

You are not his servant. He is a bully. Just say no.

My DH gets up an hour before me. He brings me a coffee before he goes.

No he would never make me a drink he doesn't make me a drink only if people visit he makes me one infront of them.
My friend thinks he's going to escalate to hitting me as he's pushing it each time.
I've decided I'm going to tell him to leave tomorrow when he goes to work and take his things to his parents

I'm really scared to tell him because I know he will turn it onto me and blame me for all of it. He blames me for everything but I am so sad I think one day he will push me into doing something to myself because the wkend I wanted to kill myself and I might one day I don't know if he sticks around.

My friend has offered to come help me tomorrow and said she will call him and tell him straight if I can't pluck up the courage to do it so I have her support at least.