DM hit son don't know what to do.

[ScabbyHorse]

I'm upset and angry at my mum. She had my DS overnight on Friday and was supposed to babysit yesterday too but I got a call from him (he's 10) saying she hit him. She had wanted to give me a break as i'm a single parent and let me go out as I had a couple of friends birthdays to go to. On Friday DS and her stayed at mine and I slept at hers. But yesterday apparently he was grumpy and refused to go to the shop with her after dinner yesterday. I had just got into town when he rang. He said she forced him to choose to either play cards with her or go to the shop. I think he was probably playing computer games and quite likely being sulky and off to her. She has recently been diagnosed with autism. She finds it difficult to get others point of view and sees others being grumpy as a personal affront. I had a difficult childhood due to her verbally and emotionally mistreating me.
But since he was born our relationship has got much better and she has tried hard to be a good GM. She moved closer to be near me. They enjoy spending time
together and usually get on well. Do I stop contact with her over this or accept it was a moment that out of control? She's denying she hit him and saying I always blame her and it's not her fault.

I would stop contact with a woman who hit my child and then denied it, yes.

This is a really tough one.
How did she hit him? A slap on the wrist or a slap in the face? There's a huge difference imo.
I'd talk to them both separately and decide do yourself what you believe, gut instinct is rarely wrong. Good luck OP

She obviously can't cope with him. .
No more babysitting.

And explain to her the importance of her admitting and apologising to your ds before she sees him again. .if the tables were turned she sure as hell would want one.

Do you believe that she did hit your son? Is there any way your son could be exaggerating?

Thanks for your replies. Yes it's a tough one and it's the not admitting it that is the difficult bit to me. DS is perceptive and gets that she is different to other grandmas. I turned out overly compliant due to this kind of treatment as a child. I don't want the same for him.

I definitely believe him waccapaca. She hit him on the head. When I asked how hard he said 'medium hard'

Very much depends on what she actually did. She is on the defensive so denying. Can you sit down and get a proper explanation of what really happened? Then say in absolutely no uncertain terms that any physical violence is completely unacceptable.

It would be a shame to stop all contact if she's been trying to be a good GM. Of course if she won't work with you on this then I wouldn't leave him there again alone.

Many older people simply do think slapping DC is ok. That's not being ageist, it's simply the experience of many older people.

A hit to the head would be deemed assault. If you want to report her to the police they would take it very seriously. I do understand if you don’t but i would ask what sort of message that sends to your DS, that he can be assaulted by someone who is supposed to love him. On the basis of this i would stop contact as you cannot trust that she would not do it again, especially if she is denying it.

Er, you call the police and report an assault.

I've never understood how anyone can think it's acceptable to hit a child.

I'd be fuming! That is absolutely abhorrent! No excuse for it at all! I work with pleanty of children with autism and they don't hit.

I would take my lead from by DS, but certainly no babysitting / unsupervised contact

I think she has very poor impulse control rather than it being an age thing. I don't think I can get past this, whatever reasons she may come up with.

Yes because getting your mum arrested will solve everything

OP explain to your mum that hitting DS was not acceptable and she will no longer babysit him. You dont have to end all contact if you dont want to.
I dont think your mum is a child abuser.

Isn't it illegal to hit a child on the head?

Please don't let her replicate your abusive childhood with your son.

I wouldn't be calling the police but it would be the end of her taking care for him. I would also tell her that what she did was assault and unacceptable in the eyes of the law and it must not ever happen again.

Flossy So if OP’s DP had hit her DS across the head would you feel the same? Is it really okay for a woman to hit a child hard on the head?

You say I had a difficult childhood due to her verbally and emotionally mistreating me - can I ask why you decided she was a suitable person with whom to leave your DS?

On the head ? Like a tap ? Tough one if she denies it - did she hit you ? What was your son doing before it ?

Where did I say it was ok?

It has nothing to do with the sex of a person either so stop barking up that tree.

She did not cave his head in and the OP does not mention any bruising or lump so I would hazard a guess she did not belt him. Which is why I would not go to the police but she would not be with him unsupervised in future.

If she's lying, you know that even trying to negotiate a reasonable compromise will do your DS a huge disservice and compromise your future relationship with him.

She's the adult and she's had her stab at unsupervised childminding. High trust has let you down.

What was she like with you growing up? What is her relationship with your DS like normally? What's she said and is she remorseful? These are all things that would influence my thoughts on this. In the meantime [and with no further information] I would stop contact for now, suggest anger management and after completion resume contact but only in my presence.

I would also ensure DS knows he did the right thing.

You've has a historically difficult relationship with your mother and you've clearly been adversely affected by her. Tell her she can't be alone with your DS anymore and keep your eye on her - if she mistreats him again, then it's OK to go LC or NC. You've tried with her, but your son is your priority.

So sorry OP.

I would never allow her to have him alone again.

I wouldn't call the police on her, but I wouldn't let her have sole care of him ever again either. Or unsupervised contact.
Her unwillingness to admit to it is a worry - unless your DS has form for making things up to get out of doing something he doesn't want to. Has he shown you exactly what she did?

He had no real reason to make it up though. And I believe him over her as he is my child and she's trying to get out of taking responsibility for her own behaviour. I agree with posters saying she needs to accept blame for this and apologise. I think there is more to this than her having autism and that doesn't absolve her at all.