My long-term partner (from what he has said soon to be fiance) and I go on a break (he pushes for this) after he comes home from a night out and we have an argument. We agree that we are not going to see other people on this break and that it is just to think about the relationship and get some space.
I leave him in our house as he has two dogs which he is not able to take back to his mothers. So I agreed to go back to my parents even though I really didn't want this break at all. During the break he was incredibly cold, distant and rude at times.
Three weeks later there had been no breakthrough on his part. However I am still paying half the rent so I decided I want to go back to the house.
Not long after arriving back he collapses on the floor in tears and says he just wants us to get back together.
However after getting back together I started to find out what had been going on during this so called break.
He met a girl the at a club the night he came home and said he wanted to go on a break, he kissed her and took her number. This same girl he was with consistently during our break. They slept together in our home numerous times and had cosy nights in eating take-aways. He took her on many dates; London dungeon, aquarium, nice restaurants, cinema, bars/pubs, clubbing. Yes all in 3 weeks!!!!
Now when I found out who this girl was I was shocked! She wasn't what I was expecting at all. I know this sounds shallow but I think this is one of the few occasions you can bring looks into play.
Now I'm no model by any stretch of the imagination but this girl is noticeably a lot less attractive to the point it leaves people either speechless or confused (even his own mother who kept saying 'are you sure that's her she's awful, it can't be her').
Yet in 3 weeks he managed to wine and dine her like he has never done for me. Why?
Why did this girl get all the excitement, surprises and romance and I got nothing even after putting up with his crap for years and still sticking by him and loving him?
You might think then maybe it's personality or that I was a horrible girlfriend but I was the most loving, loyal, kind and faithful girlfriend to him which he won't deny. We had a great sex life, we always have a laugh and enjoy each other's company.
It doesn't make sense, it's driving me mad. No one understands not my friends, family, his family no one!
His excuse: 'I can't deal with breakups, I need someone to help me take my mind of the pain I'm feeling. Do you honestly think I would ever make that my bird? Look at her. It could have been anyone. Just to get me through until either we get back together again or I get over the pain and can be single again'
Is that all just a load of nonsense did he actually fall for this girl?
While I was trying to find out what went on I contacted her and she helped me to fill in all the gaps and I her about what went had actually happened. It turned out she believed he was single and had been for a while. She sent me a screenshot of a message he had sent her after he had got back with me saying:
'and that's why I have effing feelings for you because you're literally quality. I owe it to L* to give it another go but it's not because I don't like you or anything dumb like that, but anyway take care and I if you ever need me I am here. I hope it's not the last time we ever meet'
His excuse:
'I was just being a dog and trying to keep her there because after you found out what happened I didn't think it would last and needed something to fall back on'
Turned out he told her lots of lies which hurt me for instance that I had threatened suicide to get him back and that he had been forced, when the truth was that he had collapsed outside our bathroom in floods of tears the day I had come home asking if we could get back together and I had no idea what had gone on.
I just feel like an idiot so humiliated and hurt.
Don't men treat the girl they love better? Yet he still doesn't really take me anywhere, he still isn't romantic or surprise me. It feels like another woman stole my partner for 3 weeks and got the very best out of him. They got the him that I have earned after all these years and the hell he has put me through.
Nothing terrible happened in our relationship and I have never wronged him in any way so why would he do something so nasty as bring her into my home and sleep with her in my bed and take her to all the places I wish he took me? It seems like he was purposefully being nasty and trying to hurt. Why?
It doesn't make sense.
Please someone tell me what's going on here because he won't.
No one has to sugar coat anything I want the cold hard truth whatever it is.
Thank you in advance.