Female advice needed - affair

[Lostmymind01]

Yes I'm a guy and I'm having an affair with a work colleague. It's purely a sex thing which is supposed to happen only occasionally. However, it's happening more lately in more risky situations which is instigated by her. My problem is she's so up and down. She'll say we need to end it or cool it and then the next day we'll be having sex somewhere risky, and then its back to saying we need to stop. She feels guilty and I understand that, we are guarded with each other but it's obvious we have some feelings for each other, but we're not looking to leave partners. But what I don't understand is the up and down of it all and so I'm seeking a woman's perspective on this

Yes you do understand the up and down of it. You've answered your own question.

My problem is she's so up and down

Yes, it's so inconvenient when the bit of the side is emotionally labile

She's probably suffering periodic fear that her partner will discover the affair and leave her. As he probably will, sooner or later.

Like any addiction, she wants to stop and knows it's wrong, but can't quite find the strength to kick it for good. She makes promises to herself then weakens.

Your colleagues will already know, and when one of your partners find out there will be consequences. Think about how you will feel when your partner, children, parents, friends and neighbours all know. Think about how you will feel giving up your whole life for her.

Genuinely curious about what you are getting out of these threads?

Gosh, sorry your philandering is problematic.

Perhaps you should show more concern for your actual partner than your AP.

On second thoughts, she doesn't deserve you because she doesn't deserve this.

Why are you having the affair Lost? Do you know?

You again? Have you at least separated from your partner??

Are you trolling - you expect (mainly) women to give you advice on dealing with the inconvenience of your affair partner's flakiness while you cheat on your gf/wife? lol

Do you have an open relationship with your partner? If not, why are you f*cking other people (and lying about it?) Why do you get to do that when she doesn't?
Cause you're selfish, deceitful, have no empathy, no integrity, and think she matters less than you?

You shouldn't be cheating. You must know this will end badly!

Your partner and/or hers will find out sooner or later. You will slip up, she will slip up, you may catch an STD and pass it on, or the OW may get attached and blab to your wife thus exposing the whole thing. You can count on it.

You don't know this woman you are having an affair with AT ALL. You are both likely blinded by lust. You can't read her behaviour and who knows where this relationship will take you? Somewhere you don't want to go, I expect.

Stop sticking your knob in another woman's vag.

HTH.

Had you expected an affair to be easy?

Get ready for the onslaught op

'It's purely a sex thing which is supposed to happen only occasionally'

Supposed by whom? What is occasionally? Why? If it's great and you both enjoy it, why not every day? Twice a day?

You are fucking someone who loves risk and emotional extremes. It sounds like you are treating it more like an occasional takeaway meal, and she doesn't want to be the equivalent of a plate of chips, so she's racking up the intensity. You sound like you want extra orgasms without having to pay for a porn site. She wants drama. I would imagine she will be successful. I would suggest that you start saving serious money, as your life is going to be crashing round your ears within about six months.

@acatcalledjohn exactly my thoughts but you got there first.

Obviously she goes hot and cold. One day she feels bad. Next day she still feels bad but still does it.

It will also very likely fluctuate with her hormonal cycle, as well, if she isn't taking hormone-suppressing contraceptives.

What about her relationship with her partner? Clearly something not entirely right there, if she is doing this. Maybe he's doing something that makes her feel angry or powerless. Fucking you will be a way to get back at him. Or at least to make her feel empowered and as if she has her own secret and her own validating male (you).

Whatever the reason, this is the deal. This is how she is with it.

I have refrained from commenting on what I think of the whole venture, as that wasn't your question ... (just in case anyone thinks I think it's ok).

No way 😂

it'll be your man knobs woman not his wife for a whole year anniversary soon!

Is your wife pregnant yet?...that might give you the excuse you are looking for regarding your self centred behaviour

You again?? Seriously

Yes, she's very up and down. In the stationery cupboard, in the park, on the photocopier from the sounds of it

PLease leave your partner, you obviously have no fellings or respect for them.

You know we can remember stuff, right, OP?

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@PastysPrincess

I'm shocked I'm the first to say it that crudely to be fair.