Fiance refusing to show me bank statements..

[Motherknowsbest84]

I was on Google history on our tablet the other week looking for the ticket office I had ordered my son's paw patrol live from.

I've had no reason to ever do this before but what I found shocked me.

My partner had been on betting sites all day every day and I also found a few loan sites in there too..

When I questioned him about betting he said he only uses what he has won and the 5 pound free bets.

I've had no reason to question him before but lately he is saying he is skint and that he has dipped into savings to pay things off..

What was once £6,000 of his inheritance is now £1000..

I don't know what's happened inbetween.. I do know he has treated me and the kids and himself. But I can't see how this has accounted to so much of a drop..

Over the past couple of months.. Maybe around 7 months he has won over £5000 and again I never questioned anything Because bills were being payed ECT.

We both earn and split everything equal..

However.. shocked at his continued declaration to being skint and given the Google history..

I bit the bullet and asked for his bank statements and also a recipect of his deposits to SKYBET..

He has always been money private, I've just never questioned it..

What I don't understand is, in the past year he has had and won over £10,000 he has also earnt over £20,000.. but he is skint? He also has a credit card limit Of nearly £2,000..

Bare in mind we split everything...
He has treated us a bit more..

So when I asked he refused me access... I'm I wrong in thinking huge red flag!

He would rather leave than show me his statements.

I don't even understand how he thought "let's split the tax credits" was a reasonable thing to say? That money is for your children, not for him to piss up a wall.

This sounds like a tough time for you OP, I hope your operation goes well , and when you're fully recovered you can make plans to break up with him. He will drag you and your children down if you stay. You (and they) deserve so much more.

How are you Mother?

Hi..
I caved and didn't chick him out.. but I haven't forgotten or forgiven..
I'm having open heart surgery in 2 months and I'm suffering chronic anxiety and depression so much so I can't leave the house at present. So I've decided that im going to wait untill I've fully recovered from surgery to make him leave when I don't physically need him. I know that sounds cruel, but we have a young baby and I can't care for the baby on my own. I won't let him take him because it will mean a long court battle to get him back. I know what he is like..
I'm mentally and physically exhausted at present. But I won't spend the rest of my life with a man who can't be honest with me. I don't trust him anymore so the relationship will be difficult and I can't live like that x

Hi Mother

I think you have made the only decision you could have made in the circumstances, sometimes it's all about survival, and as hard as your choice was, it's the best one for you at the moment.

You have a semblance of a plan, I hope all goes well for you surgery wise, and if you can park this crisis for later, when you have the strength to tackle it.

💐

Nah, doesn't sound cruel, it sounds practical and he's been using you.

Please try to be on your guard that you won't get suckered back in though. That's my fear for you.

Mumsnet will be here when you need it to bouy you up when you're better placed to take action

Nobody would blame you mother you have too much on your plate at the moment, there's no sense in adding another level of stress and worry before you need to. It is not cruel to keep him around until you're fully recovered, it's his child too, really it's the least he could do and you don't owe him for that.

Do you feel more confident now you know there's an end date in mind? You can use this time to quietly disconnect from him emotionally so, once you're recovered, you can ask him to leave and you'll be fully prepared.

My best friend did The Freedom Programme after a few horrible relationships and she found it really helpful to see patterns in her relationships so that she could be aware of them and stop them repeating. As your ex was a drug addict too maybe this is something you could look into? I think they do an online course if you can't leave the house.

Really wishing you good luck with everything, and please come back on here if you need some support.

Thank you guys..
I suppose I'll rant here when he does little things that make me think twice about him so I can remind myself why I'm leaving him.

Yes eatleaves I'm under a psychiatrist now and see her next week. She will be working closely with me so I'll be working on myself and why I seem to let people constantly shit on me.

Funny because I saw a medium last week and she told me she gets the sense that I always put others before my own needs and that's where my energy has gone. She said you seem to have a problem with relationships. You're a giver and you have been attracted to takers. You will over come that.

I understood what I needed to do from that.