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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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At it again :(

110 replies

TheGirlWhoLovedTomGordon · 25/04/2017 12:31

4.5 years ago, my H had an affair with a close friend of mine, while I was pregnant. Posted here and had lots of help and advice. Don't know how to link to old thread.
We tried hard and things have been ok ish ever since. 7th of April this year I went to bed early, he stayed up drinking and watching a movie. Woke up at 3am and he wasnt in bed. He'd fallen asleep on sofa, phone in hand. I looked at his phone and he was sending sex texts to a woman. Someone I know but haven't seen for years, didn't think he had either. Anyway I tore a strip off him and asked him to leave. For the last three weeks he's been begging and pleading and I have kind of given in. He says he loves me, it's a mistake, we haven't had enough sex etc. I have been right off sex for the last year or so, but have been making an effort I thought. Anyway, today I was doing some banking and paperwork. Saw a transaction on bank statement for a PAYG phone top up. Everyone in our house uses contracts. Long story short - by calling phone company and our bank, I found out he had topped this woman's phone up that night. She must have cut short the dirty talk because but her credit ran low, then he topped it up for her, to keep it going. I'm disgusted and heartbroken. We have major finiacial issue, lots of debts and often scrape by on a few pennies. Today I am walking the kids home from school, as I don't even have bus fare. But he's basically paying for cheap thrills. I've text him to say don't come home and I hate you. He is begging and pleading and saying he was pissed and doesn't remember it. I am just numb. I don't deserve his constant disrespect. He has NO money to go anywhere else - hotel, B and B, rent a place. I am in the same boat. We have 3 primary age DC. He will come home because he has nowhere else to go. ILs live 300 miles away. My beautiful DS1 starts his SATS in a week and a half. He keeps calling and texting. It's my day off to spend with our youngest, and he's just ruining it... I'm trying to hold it together for DS2 and play and have cuddles.

OP posts:
rizlett · 25/04/2017 16:14

he'll never be enough for you op - and if you can cope with the last 4.5 years of his poor behaviour you can do whatever it takes to get your family in a place of peace.

can you explain the situation to your landlord so that you can get him off the lease? - he has behaved totally unreasonably.

You are not responsible for where he lives either - he's wrecked his chances and well done for not allowing his repentant behaviour change your mind.

You can do this brave girrl. :D

TheGirlWhoLovedTomGordon · 25/04/2017 17:04

I have told him to stay away. Spoken to the two oldest children and said daddy was moving out. I have told my estate agency that I am now a sole tenant. Currently making pizza for kids tea. Have had a can of lager. Have also told my mum as she will need to help me with childcare before school tomorrow and Thursday. Have promised the kids a treat at the local Wing Wah over the weekend. Feeling sick and very stressed out. I momentarily unblocked him to inform him of all this. He says he's coming back for the car. I haven't got anyone to be here with me when he arrives and I don't know who is bringing him. (He rides a motorbike to work). Wish me luck MM.

OP posts:
Shayelle · 25/04/2017 17:10

Good luck. Getting rid of the cheating slime is the first step in taking your future in the right direction! 🌟

Adora10 · 25/04/2017 17:13

Well done OP; I know it must be really hard for you too but you have to stay strong now; remember what he has done and done before and keep remembering all that shit.

Remember this is woman no 2 that you know that he's been sexting; unbelievable, the man has zero shame. To do all that and whilst you are upstairs sleeping says it all really.

Lean on your family and friends now to get you through the initial separation; it will get easier as time goes on.

PollytheDolly · 25/04/2017 17:16

Good luck!! Keep strong. X

Alfiemoon1 · 25/04/2017 17:21

Good luck op

HerRoyalNotness · 25/04/2017 17:38

Why should he have the car? Unless you don't drive? If he had a motorbike thats all he needs. You're the one getting the DC around

ilovechoc1987 · 25/04/2017 17:38

Bless you Op you're doing the right thing!
What an absolute pervy bastard he is you and the kids can do so much better!.
If I were you I'd keep bloody car you need it more then him!.
good luck for your sons sats my daughter has hers as well.
You'll be alright FlowersWineCake

witsender · 25/04/2017 17:42

Whose car is it?

Alfiemoon1 · 25/04/2017 18:18

Could u not keep the car and him have the motorbike ?

TheGirlWhoLovedTomGordon · 25/04/2017 18:55

I can't drive. They are both his. He has come back. Pushing me around and swearing. Calling me all sorts. Refusing to leave. Saying "You're fucked....." with a horrible grin on his face. Now I'm packing but I don't know where I'm going 🙁

OP posts:
NettleTea · 25/04/2017 18:58

phone the police, he is being aggressive and pushing you

yetmorecrap · 25/04/2017 18:58

No, I'm afraid he's fucked, not you, married with a child, you go to top of the tree needs wise according to law

category12 · 25/04/2017 18:59

Call the police.

Alfiemoon1 · 25/04/2017 19:00

Call the police if he's pushing u

Msqueen33 · 25/04/2017 19:03

What a fucking bastard. Call the police!

Penfold007 · 25/04/2017 19:03

Don't pack, call the police via 999

IHeartDodo · 25/04/2017 19:03

Call the police now!!

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 25/04/2017 19:04

Call the police and have him removed. Get his name off the lease tomo and change the locks. If your dm is already a guarantor it won't be a problem. .

AnyFucker · 25/04/2017 19:05

Call the police and have him removed for physically assaulting and intimidating you

Nanny0gg · 25/04/2017 19:08

Phone the police. You've just been assaulted.

Justaboy · 25/04/2017 19:09

Sheesh!! 300 quid a month on booze?.

He can rent a bloody room in a shared house for that sort of money!.

Call the police then call a solicitor and get a divorce on the go this has gone beyond the point of no return from the look of it all:-(.

Camnico · 25/04/2017 19:10

Be strong! He isn't worth your time. I hope you're okay Flowers

PollytheDolly · 25/04/2017 19:12

I can't drive. They are both his. He has come back. Pushing me around and swearing. Calling me all sorts. Refusing to leave. Saying "You're fucked....." with a horrible grin on his face. Now I'm packing but I don't know where I'm going 🙁

Do not leave. Call the police!

Seeingadistance · 25/04/2017 19:21

Oh goodness! I hope the OP is ok!

Call the police!