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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to expect them to mention it

125 replies

Alfiemoon1 · 24/04/2017 09:22

To cut a long story short from my previous posts. Went through a bad patch with dh last year over his friendship with ow v. Mn called it an emotional affair he even moved to his mums over it claiming to be sick of the rows and not having me tell him who he can be friends with.
He moved back in v has cut contact and after threatening divorce he removed her off social media
Because of all the deleting text secret phone calls etc he has lost some of my trust we have been moving on and things have been much better between us.
A few months ago he was showing me something on his phone an she was there on his WhatsApp so I asked to see the message of course it had been deleted he said it was just thanking him for bringing her horse in. I explained yet again that I would rather have seen that message rather than that they had been in contact and he felt the need to delete it
So we carry on plodding on. Last night I saw photos of them together with dd out with the dogs on v facebook neither dh or dd mentioned they had met her aibu to think they should have told me ? Am I right to be annoyed given the past situation?
They usually mention things the dogs have got up to

When I mentioned it to dh he said they bumped into her and he never gave it a second thought to mention it to me yet there are loads of pictures he usually tell me me who he's seen or funny stuff the dogs have done yet never mentioned it
Obviously it is innocent they were out in broad day light in the park but I feel by not telling me he's not being open with me

OP posts:

happypoobum · 25/04/2017 19:03

They are in contact love.

He sees her, they message each other, they go for nice walks and take photos of it.............................................

Paperdoll16 · 25/04/2017 19:06

No they aren't in contact as such she has a horse as the same stables as us so occasionally we see her she isn't there very often

But that's not quite right. He bumped into her and somehow managed to end up taking selfies together. I also do not understand how her picture was in WhatsApp if he had deleted her?? The list of pictures shows 'most frequently contacted'. It's all too non transparent and I don't think this is the end of your heartache I'm afraid.

Paperdoll16 · 25/04/2017 19:07

He should at most say hi and carry on walking, if not ignore her..

Original poster

Alfiemoon1 · 25/04/2017 19:09

I am with him at the yard in the mornings I meet him there from work to go dog walking she either isn't there or is in her stable away from us. They don't text each other as I have checked the phone bill not sure about WhatsApp

OP posts:

Original poster

Alfiemoon1 · 25/04/2017 19:13

he doesn't have her no. On his phone anymore so on WhatsApp it just showed her pic not her name. She was also 3 rd down and was below my sister who dh rarely what's apps and my sister confirmed the last time dh wa her was months ago

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 25/04/2017 19:20

Some people just don't want to be helped.

Noctilucent · 25/04/2017 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Alfiemoon1 · 25/04/2017 19:38

We bumped in to her once and as the dogs were off the lead they started playing we got them back on the lead and walked off in opposite directions but as her ds and my dd were there they probably let the dogs play longer. The pics were the 2 big dogs on the picnic table she may have thought it was a funny pic with the kids sitting behind dh throwing sticks for them and few of the kids and dogs and a group shot. I just think dd or dh should of said something to me rather than me seeing the pictures on fb she probably tagged dd as she is in the pics

OP posts:

Original poster

Alfiemoon1 · 25/04/2017 19:40

I don't know they have been in contact sort from a WhatsApp message that was a few months ago that he says was her thanking him for bringing her horse in. It was deleted so I only have his word for it and I did have words with him at the time. Things have been going really well so I've had no reason to doubt him until I saw these pictures

OP posts:

Original poster

Alfiemoon1 · 25/04/2017 19:42

Now we are walking the dogs together he is never alone at the yard he is either with me or with dd

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 25/04/2017 19:48

You feel the need to police him. And the very minute you are not there he "happened" to bump into her and have a lovely bit of fun together.

FluffyWhiteTowels · 25/04/2017 19:49

Do you trust him?

Thinkingblonde · 25/04/2017 19:51

The phrase 'In plain sight' comes to mind.

Original poster

Alfiemoon1 · 25/04/2017 19:55

No I don't police them i was pointing out they aren't alone at the yard I do the dog walking with him as we are making quite a bit of money from it.
I don't trust him 100% because of what happened but we have both been making an effort and things have been good between us

OP posts:

beautiebyqueenie · 25/04/2017 19:58

Urgh there is a difference between bumping into someone at the park and making a photo album about it? I would have kicked him out and all the way to china town if it were me, laying the law down! Perhaps he thinks he can just get away with it again and again having the best of both worlds...a comfortable marriage as well as that bit of excitement but he needs to realise that he can't have his cake and eat it, nor can he put you though the unknown which is just SO agonising and draining. Hope he sorts his shit out asap x

Original poster

Alfiemoon1 · 25/04/2017 22:23

Maybe I am naive or to trusting I don't think they arrangement to meet and I don't think they are still in contact. My original post was am I wrong for being upset they didn't tell me they met her I don't think i am. The first time the big dog jumped onto the table they told me as it was funny. Both v dog and the other one did it according to the pics it wasn't mentioned because they deliberately didn't tell me they had met her. I am still unsure regarding dd response if her and dh discussed it would be better off to not to tell me or she did it off her own back. I am not impressed with either option. If they had told me I probably would of just said oh right or something and changed the subject but they didn't and what is also hurtful is that after I text dh saying he should of told me rather than holding his hands up and saying ok i should of or I am sorry I just didn't want a row or to upset u he has not spoken to me

OP posts:

Ginandpanic · 25/04/2017 22:54

Oh dear.
It really does sound as if this has never stopped, just been better hidden, and now he's stropping about it.

You said it's not a ltb situation, but it certainly sounds like it to me. Sorry Alfie. He sounds awful.

BigGrannyPants · 25/04/2017 23:10

Sounds to me like you haven't dealt with this at all, you've just shut it in a box and hoped it would go away. You don't trust him. Why is your DD friends with the OW.

Your DH obviously resents you for making him end his friendship with this woman. Your DD thinks you are overreacting too. Even if this was not an arranged meeting in the park, it's absolutely mental that your DH and DD would be taking selfies with this woman who was supposedly going to wreck your marriage.

If you don't trust him, then all this is for nought.

Seems like there is more to this than we know.

twattymctwatterson · 25/04/2017 23:28

I remember your previous threads. This woman knows that you and your H separated over his relationship with her last year, yet she's still contacting him on Whatsapp and tagging your daughter in Facebook photos of the three of them. That's a very deliberate and overt statement she's making and he's allowing her to do it by posing for photos. Honestly I think the emotional affair is carrying on and she has done this to see how the land lies

AnyFucker · 25/04/2017 23:35

It's quite clear "how the land lies"

Op has been ploughed right into it and this bloke and the OW are like King and Queen of the castle

Original poster

Alfiemoon1 · 25/04/2017 23:49

He's gone to work at still not spoken to me. Gin we have a horse at the same yard so that's why dd is friends with v.

OP posts:

ilovechoc1987 · 26/04/2017 00:15

That is not on given what went on in your previous threads, they're taking the fucking piss!!

I'd be considering either a divorce, or a move abroad at his point.

FluffyWhiteTowels · 26/04/2017 07:52

What AF said.

Ginandpanic · 26/04/2017 08:17

I know Alfie I remember your previous thread. You're defending him. I understand you don't want your marriage to fall apart but look, he was way over the line, you gave him a boundry, he's way over it again, you're defending him, and he's not speaking to you! At what point are you going to realise he's treating you like crap and act appropriately?

Spadequeen · 26/04/2017 08:17

Whether or. It it's innocent in your dh side I don't know. But ow knew exactly what she was doing taking and posting those photos and tagging your dd

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