Am I being unreasonable to expect them to mention it

[Alfiemoon1]

To cut a long story short from my previous posts. Went through a bad patch with dh last year over his friendship with ow v. Mn called it an emotional affair he even moved to his mums over it claiming to be sick of the rows and not having me tell him who he can be friends with.
He moved back in v has cut contact and after threatening divorce he removed her off social media
Because of all the deleting text secret phone calls etc he has lost some of my trust we have been moving on and things have been much better between us.
A few months ago he was showing me something on his phone an she was there on his WhatsApp so I asked to see the message of course it had been deleted he said it was just thanking him for bringing her horse in. I explained yet again that I would rather have seen that message rather than that they had been in contact and he felt the need to delete it
So we carry on plodding on. Last night I saw photos of them together with dd out with the dogs on v facebook neither dh or dd mentioned they had met her aibu to think they should have told me ? Am I right to be annoyed given the past situation?
They usually mention things the dogs have got up to

When I mentioned it to dh he said they bumped into her and he never gave it a second thought to mention it to me yet there are loads of pictures he usually tell me me who he's seen or funny stuff the dogs have done yet never mentioned it
Obviously it is innocent they were out in broad day light in the park but I feel by not telling me he's not being open with me

Who the hell goes for a walk with their dogs and takes loads of bloody pics of it, not only that but of someone else's kid and husband, and tags the child.

She's winding you up op, she's doing it deliberately, he's a co passenger in this story just for allowing the pics of him and your dd to be taken. I say fuck him off and wipe the word mug off of your forehead,
She's a wind up merchant and doesn't give a shit, neither does he.

Oh and I really really hope the words "oh don't tell mummy" passed either of their lips

Your dd sounds like she's facilitating all this - is she aware of her Dad's "EA" with this woman? Not very loyal of her if she does, imo.

Either way, your "D"H should be taking much bigger steps to avoid / minimise contact with this woman. I bet he'd have a few things to say if you got flirty with some OM and refused to break off contact afterwards. Hugely disrespectful behaviour.

This doesn't feel good to me op.
How much does your dd know?

Alfie seriously you need to read your posts back to yourself. If I was your friend I would be shaking you.

They are making a fool of you

I think you are being very naive, this is not innocent. I would not be surprised if this is the norm! How old is your dd? Could your husband be manipulating her to lie for him?

I am seeing one very pissed off and impatient OW who is fed up being the bit on the side and is blatantly rubbing your nose in it! They have never stopped their relationship, they just swapped from Facebook to Snapchat/ what's app. I would also suggest that this has gone beyond emotional affair now. They are out enjoying a family day out with your dd. The pics are clear here, we are a couple and don't care who knows it! Your daughter is so used to it that she is happily posing with them!

I know that you want this to be accidental, it is not!! Your dh and V are playing this very cleverly! It sounds like v is likely waiting for you to put 2 and 2 together but he doesn't want to be the bad guy, so he is playing Mr innocent so he can claim you are crazy and controlling. I bet at some level you know that their affair never stopped! If your dh really wanted to save your marriage he would have found a new stable for your daughters horse and stayed the hell away from V.

I think you should take your daughter on one side Alfie and ask her what she knows. She is old enough to be aware of an issue, my son at 16 certainly would have been. Tell her whats been going on and ask her if she has anything to tell you because you are very upset

When you've been lied to by your DP, you won't ever be sure that they're telling you the truth. You'll always have doubts and it'll drive you crazy. He didn't tell you because he didn't want you to know that he didn't want to just walk on by and not spend some time with her. I've been through this and if it's not her, it'll eventually be someone else.

I text dd to say I would of preferred if they had told me an she implied they didn't tell me as they didn't think i would like it as it was v so that comes across as they discussed it. When I asked if dh asked her not to tell me she said no he didn't they never mentioned it as they just happened to meet her the dogs played there was nothing to tell me.
I don't want to get dd involved as she is starting exams soon and she was very involved last time. She thinks I need to chill out

Ouch

Despite him treating dd very badly in the past over the whole thing she always backs him up. (Has taken his side is not the right phrase as of course I don't expect dc to take sides.) but they have become very close and I think she sees it as my fault. Maybe when she's older and in a relationship she will understand trust more
As I have said many times I don't think it's anything dodgy I would of just liked a passing comment about them seeing her rather than finding it on Facebook.

I don't even think v wants him she manipulated him to get him to do more horse care she has form for that she's done it before with the local teenagers and a another girls dad but it caused a lot of hurt and trust issues so expect him to be open with me. He will see it as no big deal as does dd but to me it has taken me a few steps back in learning to trust him. I feel I want to check his phone which I haven't done or wanted to in months

Honestly, it's really tricky when you post about this awful situation but you are so determined to insist that nothing untoward is happening. It's awful to read. He has worked on your daughter and persuaded her that it's all your fault. You are deluding yourself. I'm sorry to say it, but you are.

As far as I am aware they haven't been in contact for months she's never at the yard anymore and I am there to take the dogs out with him most mornings. She lives near the park and takes her dog there so it's quite possible they did bump into her. The dogs know each other so do play that has happened when I have been there obviously I dragged ours away as it's awkward being with her. I know she regularly posts pictures of her dog when out walking from when i was friends on Facebook. The message above the photos was look who we met when out walking today. So none of this seems iffy to me dd was there so was her son. It's how they deliberately didn't tell me and how I found out that has annoyed me.

In his shoes, he would have to be mad to allow selfies to be taken and posted on social media. Even if everything you are saying does happen to be true.

The previous thing with v possibly not ea wasn't sexting I said I was uncomfortable with the level of contact he dug his heels in and on many occasions I felt he put his friendship above his marriage and kids. He moved out claiming to be sick of the rows but to me he left because of her that hurt. The more I kicked off the more secretive he became so I dug deeper found stuff I didn't know like their late night phone calls porn etc I did stuff I wasn't proud of behaved irrationally. V decided to cut contact by text which of course he deleted and said was a mutual decision after dd text her when dh refused to speak to her after she made alternate arrangements for her horse leaving v in shit but better for us and our horse. They remained friends on Facebook I kicked off threated divorce so he eventually gave on and removed her not sure if he has blocked her or not. So with v out the picture we start to rebuild things he has never really understood the effect his actions have had on me or our marriage but things have been good until I see the pictures and I calmly text I wished he had told me himself it's not nice to be browsing fb before bed to see him her and dd having fun without knowing they have seen her. My head knows it was a random meet up but after previous secrecy deleting text hiding phone calls it just brings it back and makes me doubt him

Your dd has no say in who you stay with, when it comes down to your happiness, it looks like she's enabling her Dad, and that's her perogative.

Your happiness and peace of mind is solely your responsibility, when your dd leaves home it's just you and him, oh and the ow of course.

Exactly kitty which is why is probably all innocent. He wouldn't be in photos if something was going on. Just wish Hehad been given some warning like telling me they had seen her. He was probably hoping I wouldn't see them as i am no longer friends on fb with her and wouldn't of if she hadn't of tagged dd. He has not mentioned it for a quiet life but it's backfired on him as I am now more annoyed finding out via Facebook

Once again he could diffuse the situation with a ok I should of told u we bumped into her but he can't or won't his insistence that nothing is or has gone on is more important. He's getting up for work soon we won't speak as he will be hoping it will blow over and when he's off with the kids on Wednesday I will be ok with him as i don't want them to sense an atmosphere

Didn't sleep well last night after seeing the pictures so going to bed before I post things I regret I remained dignified last time keeping it off Facebook I didn't even tell my family he left. He's got up and ignored me so I am feeling angry and have the urge to post on Facebook so his friends and everyone at the yard can see what a twat he is but that's probably not one of my best ideas so I am off to bed before I make things worse

You are still being made a mug of

Nobody takes loads of snaps st a "chance meeting" then puts them on FB knowing you will see them unless they have an agenda

Why won't you wake up ?

She's goading you by tagging DD in pictures.

I feel bad for you as it's horrible not being able to trust someone implicitly, despite having already had the whole truth conversation. You are right, your DH thought you wouldn't see it and didn't want to stir things up by mentioning it. Understandably it makes you wonder what else he could /would hide.
I don't think you'll get an apology for it, unless it's enough to leave over, I guess you'll just tell him how it makes you think /feel re trust, and add it to the list of things you find unacceptable. Trouble is, there will be something else slightly different down the line, the list gets longer, and he still doesn't really understand how you feel and what's important to you. A tough situation OP.

What AnyFucker says with bells on!!!

I honestly am gobsmacked for you that your dh and dd thought it 'reasonable' to pose for pictures with
the woman who almost ended your marriage. They discussed this in front of your dd (implying you are the crazy jealous and unreasonable wife) and not only did she agree with them, she happily posed for photos knowing she would be keeping their meeting secret. I guess keeping secrets for her Father has made them closer. I wonder what your dh has been whispering into your daughters ear, to make her believe that you deserve to be lied to. Or has she had as large advance in pocket money? Or perhaps your dh threatened to take her horse away?

I would never have kept something like that from my Mother at sixteen, knowing as she does what happened before. I would definitely not have posed for photos with the suspected OW, but then Hell would freeze over before I was friends with her on Facebook either! There is something more going on here!

Isn't it time to find a new stables for your daughters horse?

He is treating you like an idiot!
No respect for you in any part of this, and manipulating your DD too, I would find that part of it unforgivable- proves he will do whatever he needs to to cover up his lies!