Why does dating have to be so hard?

[Popcorn08]

Just feeling a bit pathetic, fed up, and sorry for myself at the moment!!
Haven't dated anybody for a year, haven't been in an actual relationship for 20 months...

Most the time I am not unhappy being single. I have lots of friends, good social life, go to the gym, have a job I enjoy... but I do want to date, I do want male company, physical affection, someone to go on dates with ect... I'm not even saying I want a serious LTR, but just to date would be nice!!

But people seem to make it so complicated! I'm fed up of all the 'rules', all the games people play because you can't text back too quick because you will seem to keen, you have to play it cool blah blah blah. Why can't everyone just be honest and straightforward about what they want?!
If I want to message someone why can't I do it without feeling like I'm breaking the rule of the man needs to chase? I'm not even sure what I am trying to say to be honest. I'm just fed up of all the dating mind games, and feeling like you have to play things perfectly..it is just tiring!

I wish everyone was blunt and straightforward.

[LightYears]

What is going on in their lives that makes them feel the need? MH issues or loneliness or have been previously hurt. Yes, I agree.
The thing is, when do you start emotionally investing or actually connecting with others, if you always have some sort of barrier up, then how can you do that. Are you telling me you've never been hurt by someone or do you protect yourself by not opening up completely.

[noego]

Yes been hurt, haven't we all, but not by someone who I've had a short investment. Completely open and protect myself by not taking anything personally. Their perception of me is their perception, not mine.

[LightYears]

I suppose it's just a matter of learning to identify the moment to open yourself up. All we can do is live and learn. To keep on trying. Better that than to give up anyway. Nice that people can come together on forums like this and share their experiences and know they aren't alone.

[noego]

It doesn't matter whether you open yourself up or not. As soon as you walk in the room the judgements will start. These judgments, perceptions, opinions will become their reality. But it is there reality not yours. So it essence it their problem not yours.
You do not have to meet someone to be judged, they can judge you on what you write. But once again it is their judgment not yours. Never take anything personally if you do then the judgment they have made of you has been projected onto you. YOU don't have to believe it.

[LightYears]

I'm not sure about all your talk about judgement. As I get older I care less and less about what people think of me. Being hurt by these people on OLD, isn't judgement, well, not for me anyway, I couldn't really give a sh1t about what they think about me really, all I know is I'm too good for them, they've missed out big time and I've dodged a bullet.

[LesisMiserable]

Ah Grasshopper!

[user1490465531]

I think it's more the way men seem to behave in the dating world now.....I struggle to find any true gentlemen left these days and yes maybe it's not cool these days but I'd like to find a man with old fashioned values not into all this FWB crap you hear so much about on this forum

[LightYears]

Me too user

[noego]

A man can be respectful, polite, gentle, well mannered and have all the traits, but can also be in a FWB relationship or poly or open. Perhaps they are not living in the matrix or the Maya as the Buddhists would say.

[noego]

A man can be respectful, polite, gentle, well mannered and have all the traits, but can also be in a FWB relationship or poly or open. Perhaps they are not living in the matrix or the Maya as the Buddhists would say.

[noego]

Oh and vice versa can apply to a woman as well.

[LightYears]

A man can be respectful, polite, gentle, well mannered and have all the traits, but can also be in a FWB relationship or poly or open. Who gives a sh1t, as long as they're upfront about it, that's the bloody trouble, they aren't!

[user1490465531]

The main reason a lot of men are not upfront about it is they know a lot of women would not be into it so they fake it to get the sex.
I think FWB is more popular for men than women.

[LesisMiserable]

Men want to find love just as much as women. If anything perhaps they are more pragmatic than us.

[noego]

Women Like the idea of FWB as well. I know!!

[Disappointedinlove]

IME men do seem to find it easier to keep their feelings as FWB, whereas I know I (although obviously can't speak for all women only my own experiences) have always hoped for more, or at least wanted them to keep me as a priority. Whereas as soon as they meet their ideal woman they're off without a second glance!

[LesisMiserable]

Why prioritise virtual strangers in your life though? People have to earn their place over time surely?