The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Swinging Into Sobriety!

[Mouseface]

Hello there,

I'm Mouse, one of the Brave Babes travelling far and wide, stopping off here and there to collect lovely folk, just like you, for a natter all about booze and the blues that come with being a drinker of whatever quantity.

We don't wear or sell judgey pants here, although a G-string or two (Oooh Matron!) has been known to sort the fan belt out on the Bus as we've been driving for such a long time now!!

In short, we've regular posters here, lurkers, those who have managed to keep their drinking to 'social' occasions, some who are really struggling on an hourly basis and some who are completely dry!

Whatever your drinking 'status', you're welcome here in the new bigger Battle Bus, (as requested) whilst we head far and wide, listening to one another, as we face each day that comes our way, whether it be good, bad or downright ugly, we really have seen it all and don't mind one bit. Lurk or chat, it's up to you but one thing you will always find, is a warm welcome, Opal Fruit wrappers (Looks at Ma bosom push up! ) and of course, in complete confidentiality.

So, if you'd like to look what happened on the last thread (a bit like catch up TV) you can look at this link which will take you there - JUST HERE

And, if you would like to see where we started driving this wonderful Bus, over seven years ago, you can have a look at this very honest thread - RIGHT HERE

Hope to see you soon,

Mouse xx

still that's where I'm going on Saturday!! Both of those places!!

Love St Dunstan's, love it! It's one of my true happy places. And Postman's Park is such a humbling place. I always get a lump in my throat. It's not far from the hairdresser I treated myself to last year.

My other must do is to go visit Whistlejacket at the gallery.

still you are my London twin (((((kindredspiritbosie))))) xx

Another little corner I love is the pet cemetery in Hyde Park. So many dearly loved wee creatures.

There's a place not too far from me, a grand country house. Past inhabitants buried every pet from chickens, dogs, horses and even a bull. There's an avenue of beautiful trees and simple gravestones.

There are still wee bunches of flowers laid there. Makes me smile that they weren't forgotten.

dubh that's nuts! And brilliant! What I can't work out is why is there a memorial from 2007 when all the rest are so much earlier...do you happen to know? Here's a couple of photos so you lot know what we're blithering on about. Do you have a favourite dubh (so to speak)

Solomon Galaman, mother I saved him but I could not save myself heartbreaking.

I think the later one was because his colleagues pushed for him to be recognised. Such a sad story.

Such a peaceful wee corner of London.

I love Highgate cemetery in London. The old part, where you get a guide and it's all crumbling and ivy festooned and atmospheric.

I've only been there once ma, a fair old while ago. When you see the work that went into some of the old memorials, beautiful.

You see I didn't see that one and now I have to go back! How did I miss that?

Oh and this is st dunstans. As far as I know the church burnt down in the great fire was rebuilt but bombed in the blitz. The ruins are now a garden. It was a welcome cool spot from the mugginess of London.

Well, I had 3 small glasses of wine last night and then left the rest of the bottle. This has never happened before!

That looks lovely *still" and well done on the bottle.
I did really badly again. And had chocolate. And a jam tart.
Day wasted.

why cant I find any enjoyment in anything? Tried a tai chi class this morning and hated it. an hour of wafting about at the speed of an arthritic tortoise just irritated me. Came home and did some gardening. hot and dirty and boring. Dropped my tablet and cracked the screen and broke it. Cant afford a new one. Went to eat some of my unfinished bar of chocolate from yesterday and someone has eaten it! DH is pissed off that I am pissed off about that. Says I need to write my name on things if I dont want to share with the rest of the family..Its not about sharing. Its about respect and not just being here to provide for everyone else.....ah fuck, it. What's the point?

Oh ma it's not helpful but I am totally with you. You know though that you just have to hang in there until it brightens. I was thinking about you. I hope you don't think I am not wasting my days because I've been out doing stuff. I am doing stuff to waste my days because I've all but lost my kids.

Anyway, back to you- do you have depression at all- you sound a bit detached. (Nearly finished with a x...on mn? That would break the whole site!!)

Here is the view from my run earlier and my breakfasting spot...

thanks still of course I dont think you are wasting your days at all and what lovely pictures? why have you lost custody of the dcs? forgive me if you have already explained all this1
yes, i think I do have depression. Came off Citalopram a couple of months ago cold turkey because I was sick of taking drugs to enhance my mood. perhaps wasnt the best idea. Detached is exactly how I feel. I dont seem to care about anyone or anything any more. the slightest thing tips me into a terrifying rage or else floods of tears. its quite scary.

stilllearnin
I love yoour tea collection!
I have a nice earl grey tea with lavender.

mint what? That old tea collection? It may have grown since that photo!

ma I meant I hope you're not doing that thing where you think everyone else is living life while you're wasting yours. I am a case in point where it's not all it seems. Extremely controlling ex who is manipulating the children. They know it but cannot stand up to him and now it's gone so far. I'm on Sertraline, but a low dose. Until this week it had stopped my crying and allowed me to focus on work, but if made me feel very detached for weeks. God, it's such a bloody bugger isn't it?

madein1995
Oh yummy! Glad you had a lovely evening.
dementedma
It is positively tropical in my little corner of South Ayrshire on the hilltop. 75° in my yar Saturday. I fell asleep on the sun lounger and have sunburn on my neck. The rest of me is a rather lovely shade of caramel.
stilllearnin
I love the postman park. Very peaceful. I missed living in London yesterday. My friend had a BBQ . I miss my friends.

I'm struggling with the wine witch myself. Another bloody bottle on Saturday.
I can't get to the gym either so I'm slowly sinking into a habit of wine and chocolate.
These mirtazapine aren't really doing it for me. Hey ho, see what the doctor says this week.
More jobs applied for and more rejections. At least it's nice weather which makes me do the garden. Every cloud and all that.

ONG, sorry, didn't mean to write a down post.

Ffs. Typos!

Caramel? mint steady!!

Haha. A half shot mocha with a hint of salted caramel.

Dubh I gained half a pound yesterday, not surprised (it’s been pity chocolate, sweets and Tesco finest caramel truffles here lately) but back on it now. How’s your monster? Mine is outside ‘talking’ to young children at the moment (waggling her tail and licking their fingers) through our front gate despite her dislike of all creatures great and small, children she likes and she’s tried these new Lilly’s Kitchen chocolate bars for dogs. She likes them but at 2 quid a pop she can a piece every few days
Still glad you enjoyed London, well on stopping at 3
Ma I’m sorry you’re feeling down perhaps take a trip to your GP? Not to go onto tablets neccesarily but just to talk about things and see what they suggest?
Mint ooh lovely weather, we’ve had normal (coldish, no sun) weather this weekend so no sunbathing for me although Lil has loved it
Lux, Mouse, Elba, all other babes, how are you doing?
I’m doing good Ankle is swollen but not so bad. Have had a nice chilled bath and planning on watching come dine with me this evening, perhaps with some spooks thrown into the mix Am going to have a glass of wine, just the one though. Work today went well, no horrible customers and lots of cute children. Am feeling tired though - my next day off is Thursday and by then I’ll have worked 7 days in a row daft, but thinking of the money. Just have to push myself

Dubh I gained half a pound yesterday, not surprised (it’s been pity chocolate, sweets and Tesco finest caramel truffles here lately) but back on it now. How’s your monster? Mine is outside ‘talking’ to young children at the moment (waggling her tail and licking their fingers) through our front gate despite her dislike of all creatures great and small, children she likes and she’s tried these new Lilly’s Kitchen chocolate bars for dogs. She likes them but at 2 quid a pop she can a piece every few days
Still glad you enjoyed London, well on stopping at 3
Ma I’m sorry you’re feeling down perhaps take a trip to your GP? Not to go onto tablets neccesarily but just to talk about things and see what they suggest?
Mint ooh lovely weather, we’ve had normal (coldish, no sun) weather this weekend so no sunbathing for me although Lil has loved it
Lux, Mouse, Elba, all other babes, how are you doing?
I’m doing good Ankle is swollen but not so bad. Have had a nice chilled bath and planning on watching come dine with me this evening, perhaps with some spooks thrown into the mix Am going to have a glass of wine, just the one though. Work today went well, no horrible customers and lots of cute children. Am feeling tired though - my next day off is Thursday and by then I’ll have worked 7 days in a row daft, but thinking of the money. Just have to push myself

Oops not sure what happened with the double post!

Dp came home from a week at work. I've been crying a lot these days and really feeling low. Made a list of things that stop me from being me (anger, self doubt) and then tried to list things that bring me home to myself. And while I can think of some things they all seem pointless except being with my children Anyway upshot was I went to the pub. Still, I had expected to drink and now will be AF til Wednesday at least. Possibly Saturday.

ma I felt dreadful for a year before going on medication. In that time I went to my gp loads about depression. There is some merit in going and just speaking to a dr. In my case I actually wish I'd gone on them sooner but you might not need to. Just floating the idea can be quite helpful as you may feel you have a plan. My GP is excellent though and I am very lucky.

By the way I am not suicidal. If I did that dd would likely follow. That is the thought that keeps me on the planet.

Oh - we dropped to page 2.... everyone must be enjoying Bank Holiday, or busy at work, or hiding in their cave... Anyway, hope all babes are well.

ma I've sent a pm but I also wanted to say about feeling down / empty / depressed etc. It's difficult to feel much care for others if you don't feel that they care for you. You've had years where you don't feel that dh cares, these days you don't feel appreciated by your dcs in the house, your ds is a teen and probably not really thinking about your emotional needs, your dd1 is facing her own challenges, your dd2 is consumed by her own wonderful African adventure, and no-one is thinking about you and your needs. Add to that your wider family - Richard's story is mercurial, both wonderful and tense, but he has moved far away (for his own needs), your dad is caught in the midst of a horrible illness, and you are dealing with that and also with his former lack of kindness/support/ demonstrable love for the family.

On top of that you have busted a gut for your work - picking up responsibilities when CEO had to leave, supporting staff, becoming involved with some really challenging projects and going above and beyond to support them. And now, I don't see that you are getting support from the organisation in return.

All that is crap.

It is not surprising that in the midst of that you feel down / flat / unable to give or care. But anti depressants won't change any of the underlying circumstances. You did a 'brave' and perhaps foolhardy thing in stopping your ad's, and the questions should be:

• whether your situation(s) is causing significant depression and you need ads as a short term aid to support you while you find other ways of coping, or for the problems or be resolved;
• whether you have an endogenous depression and might need longer term anti-depressant medication and other kinds of support;
• whether your feelings of sadness / loneliness are a short term consequence of your situation, and you just need to the support of other people (friends or professionals or therapy) to help you through some difficult months.

None of us can tell you the answer.

But imagine a new exciting job, a wee place of your own, your lovely dds returning from their travels and coming to visit... What is it that will make the shift to that, and will ads help you in that (they might)?