NC'd because I don't want this attached to my usual name. But CANCEL THE CHEQUE! Purple house. Cockwomble etc. I'm sorry this is super long.
Trying not to drip feed. I work ft and dh is sahp after taking redundancy a few years back. I was pt but could go ft so that was a mutual decision that he would take over the dc school runs.
Recently I had a brilliant promotion, very stressful at times but I love my job. I'm happy as I never thought we would be in a position to earn enough to receive no benefits, but it's basically just that any benefit we had previously (housing benefit, child tax cred, working tax cred) is just made up now by my wages and a couple of hundred extra a month. So we're not amazingly better off, but could be comfortable.
Normally I used to get paid, work out what bills were coming out of who's account and make sure each of us had enough in there to cover them, then split what was left equally, with a bit extra in mine as I'd do the shopping at the weekends. The split money wasn't to spend as we pleased as such, more that if one of us was out and realised we needed something, we'd be able to get it. Sometimes he'd run out and I'd have to transfer more to him and he'd say I was "drip feeding him" which pissed me off because he has the online banking codes to both accounts but NEVER logs on, he's probably even lost them. It makes me feel like the overlord or something, which is so far from it. And I don't give a shit about money, so long as we have what we need.
Well the last couple of months have been hard. We've had extra bills to pay, and will do for probably about a year, plus a mix up with my new pension amount starting means we're about 116 a month down there as well. Last month I had to borrow £30 from my wonderful dm, so I decided this month we should try something new. So he could see his spending is what's leaving us short. Because it is. Honestly, I feel like I'd be rather well off without him right now, which isn't nice.
I suggested he start looking for a job again as he's said he wants to go back to work for ages now, and I even found his cv on the computer for him! A friend of his sent him some link about a job as well, but I don't think he even looked at it despite him telling me about it. He thought I was bu because "I never tried to make you get a job when you weren't working and I was". Well, the dc were smaller then but as soon as I found something part time that worked around school times I took it, because I wanted to, so it's completely different! Plus, we NEED the money now, due to his spending.
So I worked out we would have £110 a week after bills and money for shopping. So I took it out and put it in envelopes so we could see in cash what we had and every time it would be a physical reminder of how much was there. Well it's flopped, greatly. He was all for it. But it's flopped. What he spends money on is seeing his friends, mostly on one night a week crazily, since becoming short of money he's thought nothing of going out more, not less. Since payday 12 days ago he's spent £18 on a gift (alcohol) and card for friend's birthday, £20 to celebrate with another as he was moving away, £20 as a "reward" to himself after some gardening, £10 on his "usual" day out because I said we had no money for it, £40 on another friend's birthday... then today. He wanted to spend some money getting lunch supplies for dc but didn't see why it should come out of our week money (it should have) so I relented, whatever, take it out of the bank. I didn't take child benefit into account when budgeting so we'd have a "buffer".
He took out 20, spent half, so this evening we had 26 from our week money and 10 from the bank. He got an offer of a free evening out and wanted to go, so I was waiting for him to start about money, dreading it really. So he asks if I need one pound, can he take it to get a can if drink while he walks. That makes me feel shitty, so I say why don't you just take the tenner because you're making me feel like an arsehole, asking if I mind if you take a fucking pound!
So he says oh, well why don't I just take the money for my regular night out instead and do it tonight?
I gave up. I should've said no but instead I just didn't really say anything, and he was so set on it he didn't seem to notice. So he took £25...of the £35. How can he not see that's just wrong? Or why doesn't he care? I don't go out myself, don't spend much money on myself at all (and nothing last month or this month so far). He actually asked me if I might "borrow" sone money from work. I'm ashamed to say I almost considered it but I'm not risking my job because he's a twat. He doesn't HAVE to get a job, only if he wants to continue spending like this, all our bills are paid, anything he earned would be extra, or savings...god I'd love to have savings. He's always going on about his mates have this money or that money, they're going on holiday - well they've got jobs or gfs they claim not to live with so have extra benefits or live with parents and no rent!
Hese always been unreliable with money but it's gotten worse. On the days we were really skint last month I honestly just wondered why the fuck I bother.
Why the fuck do I bother?