DP reported colleague and the colleague lost his job

[sadflower]

Hello all. I need some opinions, whether my DP did right or wrong because i cant stop thinking about it. He started this job three months ago. It is security job, night shift, they have to stay at places and guard them all night ( thats all i know ) He found his colleague asleep and alerted him to wake up , but when he returned to check on him later that night he claims that he found him asleep again and that when the colleague realized that he was there he started pretending that he does his job. Now i understand that when you have a job you have to do it right . The part that troubles me is that the colleague is a family man, in his fifties , that he hasnt caused any issues prior to this. My DP did not even care to ask him if there was any special circumstances that made him fall asleep that night (i maybe take it too far but anything can happened as an emergency the day before or something and caused him to be very tired). He reported him straight away but bot because he cares about the job (thats my understanding) but because he found it disrespectful that he ignored him the first time and fell asleep again. The colleague lost his job and i feel terrible about it. I need opinions please

Time to leave, OP. Unless this is what you want for the next ten/twenty/fifty years? A power-crazed control freak who bludgeons you into submission?

Totally bang out of order. One day it could be DP going through something and falling asleep. And someone falling asleep repeatedly has fuck all to do with respect and everything to do with sheer exhaustion.

Your partner is a twat. I'm alright jack.

If his behaviour is making you depressed and he is "raging" at you and is full of control and aggression, then you need to end the relationship. It will just get worse and worse until your a shadow of yourself.

Night shifts are hard. I have struggled to stay awake myself at times and have seen others ( particularly agency health care assistants) fall asleep. It is often because they have to take work when it is available and that may mean they have worked a day shift followed by a night. It shouldn't happen but we all know it does. They are people in low paid work just trying to get by, working around their partners probably. Where I work we also have security guards and have seen them asleep when it is quiet and they have no-one to talk to or keep them awake.
I think a gentle prompting and a gentle warning that it really shouldn't be happening, advise to talk a walk, get some fresh air, have a strong coffee is appropriate.
In all honesty I couldn't report someone.

Your partner sounds horrible. Next time he might be on the receiving end of a colleague's spiteful behaviour. Don't think I could be with a man who is capable of such mean actions.

I think you should get out of this relationship. He sounds like he has a deeply unpleasant side, more unpleasant than you should be having to deal with. Raging at you like that is not OK, not a normal part of a loving relationship. And it might have been the right thing to report this colleague, but the stuff about respect is horrible bullshit. Sounds like your partner sees other people as being there to fuel his power trip. Not nice.

Trollspoopglitter

Would it be right to assume that you haven't done security on nights?

Respect goes both ways, if the OP's husband had any respect for his colleague he would have suggested that the colleague did the rounds instead of letting him stay in a overly warm, tiny room full of cameras and possibly a door switch.

Harking back to the right thing for the wrong reasons, I'd hope that the company wouldn't have straight off sacked him if he had extenuating circumstances and possibly he may have committed transgressions previously. I say this as I would like you to alleviate your guilt over it.

Also, you aren't responsible for your DHs actions. Please stop feeling guilty over that too.

I think you need to think hard about your relationship though, as its sounds like hes a complete arse you aren't happy.

As a side note, we have plenty of security dotted round where I work. I come and go at funny hours. I've probably caught them sleeping on the job dozens of times over the years. (And watching films, playing cards, surfing, etc.) Who doesn't occasionally move down a gear at work? I wouldn't dream of reporting them. They may not be doing their job but if someone was monitoring me every second of the day I'm pretty sure they'd be able to catch me not doing mine now and again too.

OP, it sounds like it is time for you to start making your plans to leave, that is no way to live.

It is possible that falling asleep on the job is gross misconduct in the company resulting in instant dismissal. If your husband knows this then he took a hard line.
However if you think he is lying about being a manager, he could be lying about the incident. Does he have a history of telling lies to boost his ego?
It's almost as though you feel able to put up with his behaviour when it only affected you but feel unnerved at the fact he could do this to others.
It seems the event, if it happened or not, either way is symptomatic of a deeper problem.

Those who wouldn't report would you think it acceptable if someone in your job had a sleep at lunch time when they should be working?
I manage a team that work overnight and sleeping overnight is gross misconduct. I too have given people the benefit of the doubt but when I return an hour later and they have gone back to sleep I too have found that disrespectful that said I am the manager and if they don't respect me enough to do their job then they don't have a job
However that is the side issue isn't it? You don't like you OH's attitude to his role in it and that is a different matter entirely. He doesn't sound v nice

I'd rather my dp had an affair than do what yours has done.

What a nasty little grass.

I don't think people fall asleep out of disrespect. It's usually tiredness, isn't it?

That's pretty shitty behaviour from him. Sounds like he has a bit of a complex and wants to be more than he is and it's driving him to be a bully or a liar.

Personally I wouldn't want to be with someone like him.

The two aren't mutually exclusive, surferjet!

Surely it depends what the job is? If the security guard is watching an empty wool shop its different to if lives depend on his vigilance. It's the level of danger caused by the sleepiness that is important here.

Sounds like he wats to be respected just for existing, rather than earning the respect of others.

I think he is lying about being the manager. Whats the legality of firing someone on the spot? What else is he lying about I wonder.

That man was employed to protect a property, he didn't do the job he was employed to do. The ramifications of that could have been severe. He may as well have left his post and gone home. Of course he needed to be reported.

The fact that he is a family man, Family to support etc is his responsibility, not your DH. He should have carried out his duties and then he wouldn't have lost his job.

Regarding this person losing his job, I suspect there will have been other reports or other circumstances, unless your OH lied about his colleague to make it worse.
In normal circumstances, it's up to management to ask questions about why he was asleep, not your partner.

Regarding his attitude, particularly towards you, it is worrying.
Sorry if I missed it, but do you have children? Are you tied financially?
It's not looking good, and with time he's only likely to treat you worse, not better.

He is showing you his true colours. Please listen to him because what he did to this man, he will have no hesitation doing it to you if he thinks you have disrespected him in any way.
And clearly it doesn't take a lot for someone to be disrespectful to him.

He is already going to rages, making you walk on eggshells and has you frightened to upset him.
LTB. Sorry

OP you don't actually know if your P is telling the truth about this alleged incident at work. What you do know is that he is a cntrolling bully towards you. Would you like to end the relationship?

LTB. I wouldn't normally say it lightly, but someone who delights in the misfortunes of other people is not a good person. You sound like you are a good person and deserve to have a partner who is too.

I think your DP should have waited to work amother shift with the colleague to establish if it was a pattern or an unfortunate one off

you dh will probably get his comeuppance.

it must be tough for him working nights, sleeping in the day.
did he have a different job before? looking for extenuating circumstances here. giving your dh the benefit of the doubt.