Weary of new relationship. Are these early warnings??

[midnightswirls]

I commented on another post but felt bad jump on the post so thought I'd do one. It was a post about how long until abusive partners show that side of them. Was interesting as I'm 4 months Into a new relationship. In my past I was with a very emotionally and mentally abusive partner ( who'd my LB dad). It's only recently I've started to question this new relationship but I'm not sure if I'm very sensitive due to my past. Anyway here are a few examples, they are all fairly subtle or small. 1) I'll talk about friends and he will say in a joking way "you don't have any friends" 2) when he's driving he likes my hand on his lap. If I move it he takes it and puts it back. He doesn't do it so much now I've said I'll put my hand there when I want to. 3) recently started a company and we were looking at plaques one said about being the boss and I said you think that about everything do you and he said yes. 4) sometimes he will make comments in a jokey way say "well a man must have said that as he's right" 5) he's recently started to get a bit argumentative or defensive if I don't agree with him. He knows about my past and he said his dad used to emotionally abuse his mum and him. Badly enough his school got involved. So obviously I'm worried about family patterns too. I'm his first serious gf. On the flip side he can be very empathic when I'm upset, compliments me a lot, says he's lucky to have me, we have a lot in common. What would people's views be?

Don't be alone with him again.

hiding agreed! I definetly want to be on my own now! My new place will keep me busy. No I haven't but will look it up. Thank you for the advice andtheband my ex used to threaten suicide so I've learnt that is a tactic. But yea this time round I'd call them to stop him doing it in future. Don't be alone with him? You think by what I've said he could turn nasty?

You sound like you have done well up to now in standing up to him but you need to nip all this stuff in the bud. I would tell yourself this

1. If he puts your hand where he wants it, take it off, make him see that YOU decide.
2. If he jokes about friends/lack of, tell him this isn't a very nice thing to say, as a joke or otherwise, ask him to not do it.
3. Jokes about chins? WTF? Respond as in No 3
4. Looking at your phone. No. Tell him it's disrespect.
5. Kissing you whilst you talk. No. Bad manners. Ask him not to and to give you the respect of listening.

If he doesn't hear you and seem able to change I think you would do well to get rid rather than carry on feeling 'wary' it's not a good start to a relationship. All the best.

Don't overthink how he may or may not choose to react.
End things quickly and decisively.

I went out with someone with a personality disorder, it was mercifully short though, thanks to the internet really. When I finished it, I made out like BandPlayedOn said, that it was my issues which meant we were breaking up! He once implied that I was an emotional mess, so that fitted in with his worldview of me and left his pride in tact I guess! To this day that pisses me off (!) but at the time I felt very vulnerable indeed, I really didn't know what he was capable of, and so thought that was the best way. Some weeks later when things were settled (not straight away, again I didn't want to inflame things) I changed my mobile number, so there was no way for him to contact me in the future as well. He is totally off my radar TG.

There is no reason to be alone with him ever again Midnight or even to see him at all. Best done on the phone IMO.

Hiding You acted smart!

Hiding you are extremely wise. Fantastic advice from you!!