I'm currently sat in a cheap hotel room...

[lonelymumto3]

Because I've finally walked out on my abusive DH.

He refused to go anywhere and I couldn't bear to be around him any longer. My dc are still at the house with him which is absolutely killing me but it wasn't safe for me to be there.

Things have gone on a downward spiral since he lost his job in November and this is where things have landed.

I don't really want any advice. I just needed to get if off my chest.

I'm glad it's sorted - because it is a very bad move for 1. a mother to leave her kids 2. with an abusive man. I. is deemed abandonment (at least) and 2. is deemed neglect. All this as far as the law is concerned btw. You were on a massively sticky wicket there. It is not uncommon for women who do this to lose custody of their children.

Hopefully your MIL will be a good support and ally in the court process. Please, never do anything like that again. I think you're going to have to fudge it in the court process re you went away for the night to clear your head/a holiday. But that leaves the issue of you leaving them with an abusive man (it won't wash in the courts that you didn't consider he was a threat to them) re your hands will be tied if you want to claim DV.

Have you contacted Womens Aid yet? You will need to as soon as. Better to call at night as lines busy during the day. 0808 2000 247. Or your local WA keep office hours and easier to contact during the day.

So glad you're all safe. Phew.

Don't delete his texts. You may need them as evidence.

I wrote you a message last night but it didn't post, grrr.

I'm glad his mother has talked some sense into him. Make the most of him not being there to get things sorted. Do not let him back in the house. Tell his mum you will call the police if he turns up at your house.

You know he's using the threat of suicide to control you, so don't allow it. Tell him to call his mother or the Samaritans because you don't want to hear about it. Don't fall for any of the bullshit.

Another number you can call is the police dv unit. Get his behaviour logged there and keep all his texts and emails.

He may not threaten sucide (though he probably will, especially as it worked last time) but also expect him to suddenly develop a serious heart condition or something. That'll be to get you back with himand safely stashed in your box too.

Good luck.

Tell him to call his mother or the Samaritans because you don't want to hear about it. Don't fall for any of the bullshit.

Please dont tell him to call his mother for 2 reasons. 1. why should she have to deal with that shit? 2. because if you do then she may well get fed up with you pushing his shit onto her and encourage him to leave her house and he will come back to yours.

Tell him to ring the Samaritans and that if he calls saying he has taken pills or whatever then you will call 999, that will stop him in his tracks.

Oh yeah the heart condition or the "....they said it might be cancer!" bullshit. And even if it was, does that mean you should put up with abuse?

An abuser with cancer/heart condition/the plague is still an abuser that you owe nothing to and should keep away from.

According to him it's all my fault and I push him to it. He knows I don't stand for that bullshit. I'm not perfect, I've been through some pretty shitty stuff but I don't let it define me.

Complete failure to accept responsibility for his behaviour. Trying to blameshift.

For threats of suicide, as others have said tell him there and then you're dialling 999.

It's terribly manipulative and controlling behaviour on his part. He really needs to get some professional help.