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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband commenting about my post baby body

61 replies

Alwayswaiting · 09/04/2017 18:36

DH this afternoon has commented on my stomach asking if it's going to flatten back down again or is there a problem with my stomach muscles after having my latest child.

Latest DC is DC3, born 12 weeks ago. I have two other active boys 5 and 2, so I am running around after them a lot. I'm currently 3lbs heavier than when I got pregnant with DC3. But yes my stomach is loose obviously, but I don't think it's damaged?!

This is not the first time, he's made comments after each baby even though I've gone back to a similar weight he comments on my stomach being loose and I should exercise more. I feel like I do a lot of exercise with the kids already long walks everyday, running etc.

I felt humiliated after the comments today, he laughed a few weeks ago when I was on the scales weighing myself and he was standing behind me - why he was laughing I don't know, but I called him out on it and told him he had no right to comment on my weight at all, it's none of his business.

I feel disheartened as I try to be as supportive to him as I can, he's leaving his job after a difficult year and I'm helping him job hunt reading his applications when he asks etc yet he makes me feel so shit about how I look right now.

I eat healthily and I don't see a problem with how I look.... but he does. I'm so fed up.

OP posts:
Figgygal · 09/04/2017 18:38

He's got a problem with how you look 3 months post baby? He's a dick and doesn't deserve your help

Nomoreworkathome · 09/04/2017 18:39

What a twat. No help to you I know but seriously..... who the fuck does he think he is making comments like that. Is he super toned and fit? Cut out a picture of a bloke with a six pack and ask him how he's getting on

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/04/2017 18:39

He's a twat. Sorry he's so unsupportive and mean. You sound like superwoman and he sounds like a knob.

Original poster
Alwayswaiting · 09/04/2017 18:41

No he's not super toned or fit, and never has been. I would never dream of commenting on his body or making him as shit as I feel right now.

I'm upstairs with the baby as I'm just upset now. Sad

OP posts:
Questioningeverything · 09/04/2017 18:42

Tell him to get to fuck!! Knob.
I'd like to see him have a three babies and have an amazing figure twelve WEEKS after the third.
I'm 8months post number two and struggling with my new size. He'd have a proper time if he was my dp and said anything other than you're amazing can I get you anything!

ThatsNotMyMummy · 09/04/2017 18:42

Cock.

Your body has done something amazing. It's only 12 weeks since you gave birth. That's fuck all.
He should be worshipping your amazing body for growing a new life not laughing at it. Twat

Questioningeverything · 09/04/2017 18:43

Oh always don't let him make you feel like this. Impossible I know but seriously the man is a tosser. Does he have any redeeming qualities or can I say ltb??

Fanciedachange17 · 09/04/2017 18:47

Oh sweetheart. What a shallow twat he is. Well hopefully if your stomach (which has safely nourished 3 of his children) is a bit wobbly it will put him of trying to impregnate you with DC no 4.

Is he a dick just about how you look or in other ways? Is he as supportive of you as you are of him?

Fanciedachange17 · 09/04/2017 18:51

Have you seen the calendar with French farmers? Grab yourself a copy and hang it in the kitchen and every time he goes for a sandwich, tut loudly and look pointedly at his stomach and then gaze at one of those heavenly bodies.

TheLegendOfBeans · 09/04/2017 18:52

He needs to massively fuck off to the far side of fuck.

I despise this kind of behaviour.

HelenaDove · 09/04/2017 18:52

Id say hes a cunt OP but he lacks the warmth and the depth.

I have loose skin on my stomach I havent had DC. Mine is from a ten stone weight loss. My DH has never made a nasty comment about my weight even when i was 21 stone.

Hes never said a word about the slightly droopy loose skin either. He did say he was in awe at my determination which is good for a practical man who doesnt do talking.

Your H is a prick!

StewieGMum · 09/04/2017 18:52

Start commenting on his body and see how he likes it.

BubbleBed · 09/04/2017 18:53

What an arsehole :-( DP isn't even the father of my kids, and he is incredibly supportive and loving and kind about my jelly belly post children.

Is he normally so mean?

TheLegendOfBeans · 09/04/2017 18:53

Liking Fancieds suggestion...

AntiHop · 09/04/2017 18:54

He's being a total dick. Even if you were 3 years post baby, it's not acceptable to make those comments.

DoItTooJulia · 09/04/2017 18:56

Why would he do that?

I can honestly only think it's because he has no brain cells, no sense, no empathy and no respect for you.

Is he a cunt in other ways?

DearMrDilkington · 09/04/2017 19:01

I honestly want to come to your house and slap your husband round the face with a wet stale fish.

His a twat and should worship the ground you walk on after you've put your body through so much and given him three precious children.

Please don't let him destroy your confidence, I bet you look wonderful.Flowers

Underthemoonlight · 09/04/2017 19:03

I'm amazed you've had 3dc with this man. Your post really resonates with me because at the age of 20 I fell pregnant and after having DS I was left with stretch marks and loose skin, I had returned to my pre-baby weight just 3weeks after giving birth and my ex turned round and suggested I get illegal slimming tablets off his mate who was selling them. I should have run straight away but I was embrassed with the situation I got myself into and frightened of being on my own with a baby.

Ex would regularly be EA he would say no one would want me the way I was, he was the best I could get, I wasn't skinny enough, my stomach was digusting ( the funny thing was he had extensive scarring to his leg due to having cancer as a teenager and I took him for who he, was shame he couldn't return the favour) he was insecure coward and a bully behind close doors infront of others he was the poor lad who was unfortunate to be diagnosed with cancer in his teens but survived.

Thank god he left me for someone else looking back there was nothing wrong with my weight. He even had the cheek to be interested when I lost weight post split due to stress ,he couldn't handle people coming up to him saying how well I looked, I didn't give him a backward glance. His comments however to this day still affect me and I'm massively self conscious about my stomach even around DH and more so after more DC but I know I'm loved and respected by someone who was just grateful me and DC were ok and healthily. This behaviour is not right and you don't have to tolerate it.

Priorityseat · 09/04/2017 19:09

You are amazing. You carried and grew three human being inside you. You brought them safely into the world. Your body is an amazing place regardless of how you look. You created three miracles. Your husband's body regardless of how toned and tight skinned will be, he will never be amazing because his body cannot and didn't create and bring three miracles into this world. In your moments of despair please remember this.

sucue · 09/04/2017 19:11

I never had loose skin post birth, it was stretched over my still fat stomach.

You sound amazing, he doesn't.

PollytheDolly · 09/04/2017 19:11

Christ, after my DS1 my body looked like it had been in a fight with a tiger. I was distraught. My exH said he didn't even notice them. Liar! Wink

That was 22 years ago and my battle scars are much less but still there and still bother me. My DH said he doesn't see them either!

That's the response. Respect a woman who has put her body through that.

What is wrong with your husband? Terrible thing to say. Knobhead.

blondehair · 09/04/2017 19:13

Has he always been like this? He sounds like a proper twat. Start putting pictures up around the house of men who are all super fit with 6 packs and see how he reacts.
What a knob.

Hope you're okay xx

seven201 · 09/04/2017 19:16

What a twat

Original poster
Alwayswaiting · 09/04/2017 19:21

He came up asking why I was crying, and I told him that it's because I found his comments hurtful. And I know my stomach is loose I don't need reminding of it.

He said he was just asking, and didn't want me to be disappointed if I lost more weight and my stomach was still loose....

He then got a bit more pissed off and said I can't say anything to you anymore... I said that was bullshit and I'm obviously sensitive about how I look 12 weeks after having a baby.

Oh god, such bullshit. Maybe it is me being over sensitive. I don't know.

OP posts:
blondehair · 09/04/2017 19:23

You've had 3 of his babies, he's a dick for even commenting on your weight in the first place. I very much doubt anyone is back to exactly how they were before they had kids. X