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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My husband commenting about my post baby body

61 replies

Alwayswaiting · 09/04/2017 18:36

DH this afternoon has commented on my stomach asking if it's going to flatten back down again or is there a problem with my stomach muscles after having my latest child.

Latest DC is DC3, born 12 weeks ago. I have two other active boys 5 and 2, so I am running around after them a lot. I'm currently 3lbs heavier than when I got pregnant with DC3. But yes my stomach is loose obviously, but I don't think it's damaged?!

This is not the first time, he's made comments after each baby even though I've gone back to a similar weight he comments on my stomach being loose and I should exercise more. I feel like I do a lot of exercise with the kids already long walks everyday, running etc.

I felt humiliated after the comments today, he laughed a few weeks ago when I was on the scales weighing myself and he was standing behind me - why he was laughing I don't know, but I called him out on it and told him he had no right to comment on my weight at all, it's none of his business.

I feel disheartened as I try to be as supportive to him as I can, he's leaving his job after a difficult year and I'm helping him job hunt reading his applications when he asks etc yet he makes me feel so shit about how I look right now.

I eat healthily and I don't see a problem with how I look.... but he does. I'm so fed up.

OP posts:

ThatsNotMyMummy · 09/04/2017 19:34

No your not being sensitive. It's him being a knob.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 09/04/2017 19:34

HE got more pissed off! How fucking dare he!

You are not being over sensitive, he's being insensitive.

Second doing shit all for him.

duxb · 09/04/2017 19:40

You had a baby three months ago. And you're third baby at that.

It takes nine months to grow the baby so you'd expect at least that to get somewhere back to normal weight (at least!) and you're stomach is unlikely to ever be the same again.

Your partner sounds like a prick.

Enjoy you're babies and give yourself time to recover.

HelenaDove · 09/04/2017 19:41

Hes now trying to backtrack because hes realised what a shit it makes him look.

duxb · 09/04/2017 19:43

Just ready your update OP.

If it were me I'd be asking my DH how he would feel if I asked him whether he felt okay not being trim and whether having a "dad bod" bothered him. You know, just incase not looking like Tom Hardy or Luke Evans or like he did when he was twenty one was causing him any concern and see how he liked it. Then I'd get frustrated when he got upset as "I'm only worried about how you feel" followed by a pointed look and me walking away to eat a biscuit.

I'm a bit of a cow when pissed off though.

MapMyMum · 09/04/2017 20:02

He is an absolute arsehole. You need to tell him how he makes you feel and if he says one more thing LTB

MapMyMum · 09/04/2017 20:04

Just saw the update. Hes still and arsehole

PoorYorick · 09/04/2017 20:06

Not another one of these shitheads who think pregnancy and childbirth are the same as eating deep fried pizzas for nine months. How did he even get you pregnant, seeing as he knows less than fuck all about women's bodies?

Of course you're not being oversensitive. He's being an ignorant, hurtful and entitled turd. By the way, does he do his share of housework, night feeds and childcare so that you have the energy and time to exercise and eat well? Hm? Does he?

LettuceMash · 09/04/2017 20:06

What's a loose stomach? Do you mean wobbly?

He's a total prick anyway.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 09/04/2017 20:10

I have read too many threads on Mumsnet today about fucking horrible husbands. OP don't let him grind you down. He is a shit.

HerOtherHalf · 09/04/2017 20:12

You know him better than us. Is he stupid, insensitive or deliberately trying to destroy your self-esteem? I'd worry most if the latter was in any way a possibility.

Pigwitch · 09/04/2017 20:15

It takes about a year for your body to recover after pregnancy.
Ignore him.

PoorYorick · 09/04/2017 20:15

I have to tell a little story here. Many years ago, I had a stupid boyfriend. To be fair , we were both young, but he was very stupid. I gained weight one summer...I hadn't had a baby, I'd just eaten too much ice cream and too many pasties while on holiday in Cornwall. I was all set to lose it on my return, and he made a comment. I told him that it was holiday weight, and I was already on a plan to lose it. I added that that was his single chance, and if he made another entitled and hurtful remark, I would change my boyfriend instead of my lifestyle. He made another remark, and I dumped him on the spot. (And spent that night with a dude who'd been pursuing me for weeks, but that's another story.)

I know we were much younger and didn't have the ties of marriage and kids and so on, but I do think it still stands. If I want to feel shit about myself, that's very easy. I can do that any time with no problems. My partner is supposed to be the one to make me feel wanted and beautiful. I would have had more sympathy if he faced the prospect of a lifetime of me mainlining doughnuts while Superglued to the sofa. As it was, his horror over maybe five to seven pounds of holiday weight that I was already losing (I was still in my fitted jeans) was absolutely ridiculous, and I didn't need anything or anyone in my life who wasn't going to make it better. I could just imagine what he'd be like after I'd borne him a child and I'm bloody glad I never stuck around to find out.

Bluntness100 · 09/04/2017 20:15

Ffs what an arsehole. Tell him it's not as loose as his gut and to go fuck himself.

HelenaDove · 09/04/2017 20:18

  Damn  right.

PollytheDolly · 09/04/2017 20:20

Wow! So he's managed to turn him making you feel like shit into you making him feeling like shit?!

Self absorbed fuckwit, honestly!

TileTileTile · 09/04/2017 20:20

LTB!!!

Ok a bit dramatic, but definitely ask him when he is going to do something to bulk up his weedy arms, or similar. Dick!

SaltySalt · 09/04/2017 20:23

What a prick. If he was strutting around with a gleaming six pack then maybe just maybe he'd have a leg to stand on. What the fuck has it got to do with him how loose your stomach is! God he's really wound me up

Tortycat · 09/04/2017 20:28

Absolutely not being oversensirive. He was being horrible. I'm 8 months post dc2 (and 2 sections) and my dp has also made horrible comments e.g. will I still be fat by the summer? Not wanting to hug me etc. I'm back to size 8 but with a definite mum tum. I don't think they appreciate how tiring it is, and how actually you crave sugar for energy and the last thing you feel like doing is exercise when / if you finally have chance to sit down.

Don't worry about your body, focus on how it made your beautiful dc. You're only 12 weeks post partum - plenty of time for you to tone up if/ when YOU feel like it (when he can look after all dc). Don't let the bastatd get you down

JaneEyre70 · 09/04/2017 20:31

Just wait a few days and then ask him really innocently if his bum has always been that saggy or is it the trousers he is wearing??

Your body has had 3 children and is amazing for having done so. Don't let anyone belittle the miracle that your body has gone through.

RJnomore1 · 09/04/2017 20:40

You COULD say "you're absolutely right best be off to the gym then" hand him the children and vanish for a couple of hours every night and see how he likes them apples?

arsenalwatford · 09/04/2017 20:41

What a dick. I've had two children. Youngest is 18 months. I was a fitness freak before I had them and I'm pretty fit now with a 6 pack, which is unfortunately hidden under the loose skin that housed both my children....nowt I can do about it. At every size and state of wobbliness, DP has told me I'm beautiful, with rationale for why 'this' size is his favourite.

Cricrichan · 09/04/2017 21:45

Ask him if his dick is going to get bigger or will it always stay that size.

Seriously what a jerk. And if he's not a toned Adonis he's a moron as well.

Cricrichan · 09/04/2017 21:46

Ooh i like rjnomore's suggestion! Get yourself to the gym whilst he looks after the kids.

RJnomore1 · 09/04/2017 21:55

You don't even need to go to the gym - just head out with a bag and get coffee and cake

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