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Relationships

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Original poster

Age gap - lying about it

100 replies

Littlemissindependent · 07/04/2017 22:35

Have been chatting to someone for past week. Seems nice, genuine. Agreed to meet up this weekend. At some point in the conversation I told him I had a 'cut off point' of 40, but was prepared to make an exception for him (he told me he was 42). But tonight, after a bit of digging, I've discovered he's actually 46! I haven't told him that I know.... I'm 31. I'm not sure whether to call him on it, wait and see if he says anything when (if) we meet or just cut contact now given that he's lied. Any advice?

OP posts:

Rudymentary · 09/04/2017 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honeyroar · 09/04/2017 16:00

Nothing wrong with meeting him and making your own mind up. Just file this in your memory - if any other little discrepancies come up you'll know..

TheSnowFairy · 09/04/2017 16:31

Another one who went out with someone who lied about their age, who then proceeded to lie about loads of other (random and insignificant) things.

Enjoy tonight op but be a bit wary.

TheConstantCakeEater · 09/04/2017 20:31

Hope it goes OK. As long as you keep your wits about you, I'm sure all will be fine.

Biddylee · 09/04/2017 20:39

Hope it goes well. I agree with others about being wary though.

Actually the most recent man I dated was 46 and thought that no-one would have him at his age even though he looked a lot younger.

SandyY2K · 09/04/2017 20:57

That's entirely your choice to meet him.

I'm quite surprised with the number of people who think lying about age is acceptable though.

Saying age is just a number doesn't really cut it. The same applies with saying you are taller than you are.. That's just a number too, but there's a reason someone prefers a certain height.

What happens when you get lied to about his salary later in the relationship ... Because... That's just a number too isn't it.

Lying to get something or someone that would not have otherwise agreed doesn't sit well with me. My friends DH lied that he didn't have a certain blood type, that could have meant any DC they had, was born with a serious medical condition.

She didn't find out until she was pregnant. This lie resulted in her having to terminate a pregnancy because after pre natal testing, she discovered the baby had the condition.

And he lied why?? Because he knew she wouldn't have gone out with /married him if she knew the truth.

The age is a less serious issue... But still deception to get what you want.

HelenaDove · 10/04/2017 17:03

How did the date go OP.

Original poster

Littlemissindependent · 10/04/2017 20:23

It actually went really well. We discussed briefly the lying thing and I'm prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt. He was genuinely remorseful. There was no awkwardness, he certainly doesn't look his age and It was really really lovely. And I'm looking forward to seeing him again next weekend. Of course I'm cautious, but if you don't try then you don't know!

OP posts:

TheConstantCakeEater · 10/04/2017 20:56

Enjoy it!

Platimum · 10/04/2017 21:06

ffs................ this is why men lie. Because it's worth their while. And yet women are the ones who are sneered at for lying. I honestly think from what I've seen and heard online that men do it more.

I'm supposed to be meeting a man 5 years older tomorrow. He might be 15 years older. Who knows. And this is why women over 40 have men of 70 asking them out.

Trills · 10/04/2017 21:34

He's not genuinely remorseful. He's just good at the appearance of it.

He's happy.that he lied. Why wouldn't he be?

Platimum · 10/04/2017 21:37

yupp.

Rudymentary · 10/04/2017 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

salsaysthis · 10/04/2017 21:57

I'm glad you had a nice time on your date OP! My husband and I have 16 years between us. We met when I was 25 and he was 41. Didn't have our first child together till he was 45 (not uncommon for our area of London to have lots of older dads in their 40s with babies and toddlers).

Do whatever feels right for you and good luck 🤗

HelenaDove · 10/04/2017 23:38

Well Platinum that would suit me just fine if i were single as i prefer older men.

a. a lot less chance of them expecting anal and expecting women to shave off their pubic hair.

b. and at least they only expect a bit of erotic capital. Having just come off the marrying well thread in AIBU men my own age and younger seem to expect actual capital as well as the erotic kind.

elephantcuddles · 10/04/2017 23:42

I'm close to your age, OP (younger). I wouldn't date him based on the fact that he lied.

What are these people thinking by lying anyway? If you ever were to get serious, you'll find out they lied eventually... what are they planning to do/say then? I guess they don't think that far ahead, or think at all for that matter.

Original poster

Littlemissindependent · 27/04/2017 07:10

I just wanted to come back and say thank you the the people who told me to give him a chance. 3 weeks, 6 dates, thousands of messages and I'm happier than I've ever been. Just goes to show you should never judge a book by its cover!

OP posts:

IfeelFloopy · 27/04/2017 08:32

Good for you OP

I met my boyfriend online. We were chatting for a while and after arranging to meet I decided to google his name, found out he was 4 years older than his profile said. I told him I knew and that I couldn't trust him if he could lie about that...cancelled the date. He kept trying, apologised etc. He tried less after a while and I started to wonder if I had done the right thing because he seemed like everything I was looking for and we got along so well.

I decided to give him another chance. We met and our first date lasted 3 days! We have now been together for 2 years. He has my trust completely. My family LOVE him and his friends tell me he is the happiest they have ever seen him.

Trills · 27/04/2017 08:36

We weren't judging a book by its cover.

We were judging a human being on its willingness to lie.

It's great that you are happy, but that's not the same as the advice being wrong.

BarryKwipkee · 27/04/2017 14:17

Very early days OP

BarryKwipkee · 27/04/2017 14:21

Trills is right.

Sorry to be a suck up but yes yes to what Trills said.

You are happy now OP in the first flush of romance with a man who lies to get a much younger woman. Id ask you to remember your own agenda. First flush aside, did to set out to date an older man who lies to get a younger woman.

1DAD2KIDS · 27/04/2017 20:16

My ex wife lied about her age when we met. She said she was 20 but she was 19. I was 23 at the time but I think she thought I was a fair bit older. I only found out her real age on her 21st (obvisoly because I thought she was going to be 22). Now what's the point in lying about 1yr? Daft I know, but likewise it didn't bother me. Maybe be I should have realised it was a red flag back then. It turned out she was pathological liar.

yetmorecrap · 27/04/2017 20:28

It's interesting what one person said about 'groupings'. I must admit if I was single ( and I'm 55) I would be tempted to say 54 if it was say 45 to 54 , simply because I would want to meet someone a couple of years younger ideally, rather than say 55 to 65 groupings

Mom2K · 28/04/2017 00:36

I hope it works out for you OP but starting a relationship with a lie doesn't bode well. Hope he hasn't lied about anything else.

notangelinajolie · 28/04/2017 00:51

Reading your update it seems all is well but please be cautious. He is a liar and you should not forget that.

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