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Original poster

Age gap - lying about it

100 replies

Littlemissindependent · 07/04/2017 22:35

Have been chatting to someone for past week. Seems nice, genuine. Agreed to meet up this weekend. At some point in the conversation I told him I had a 'cut off point' of 40, but was prepared to make an exception for him (he told me he was 42). But tonight, after a bit of digging, I've discovered he's actually 46! I haven't told him that I know.... I'm 31. I'm not sure whether to call him on it, wait and see if he says anything when (if) we meet or just cut contact now given that he's lied. Any advice?

OP posts:
StrawberryJelly00 · 08/04/2017 05:59

I wouldn't meet him or go any further I would be honest and tell him that you don't date liars.

I once dated a guy who told me he was 25 when it turned out he was 35! I was 19 at the time and he turned out to be a psycho!
Lie after lie.

He is a liar and is showing you early on that he is a liar if you choose to continue you have accepted that you want to be lied to.

Sample1936 · 08/04/2017 06:33

He is way too old and lies, too.
I wouldn't be interested. You're way too young for a nearly 50 years old.

Original poster
Littlemissindependent · 08/04/2017 07:01

Well I've messaged him and called him on it. Won't be meeting him but will be interesting to hear what he has to say. Every time I consider even thinking about dating (I've been single over 3 years) something like this happens!

OP posts:
BingeWhag · 08/04/2017 07:18

I had a serious boyfriend like this who said he was a few years younger than he really was. I had no reason to disbelieve him, then went on a long haul holiday and saw his passport. I was horrified that he'd lied (actively because there was an age gap so we'd talked about it) but felt stuck with him at the time. He turned out to be a lying manipulative twat in other ways too but I gave him the benefit of the doubt for far too long. With hindsight I can see this was a massive red flag. You can't be with a liar.

TheConstantCakeEater · 08/04/2017 07:19

Glad you called him on it. Hope you find someone else who can be honest.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 08/04/2017 07:46

Met my DP through OLD - she lied about her age (we're both women) said she was younger than she was.
When she confessed - I was really cross - she explained it was because she thought she wouldn't stand a chance otherwise. We've been together over 10 yrs, married last July, deliriously happy.

Original poster
Littlemissindependent · 08/04/2017 08:26

I called him on it and he confessed immediately. Said he didn't think I'd bother with him if I knew his real age. Also said it's a massive relief that I know. So now I'm not too sure what to think...

OP posts:
museumum · 08/04/2017 08:32

I am torn about this. If you'd met him in a pub and he didn't "seem" over 40 you'd have chatted and he'd have had a chance to see if you clicked.
But with OLD it's out there right away.
Is age really the most important thing to you?
I mean it is a big age gap. And I'd guess that after a date or two you'd notice it in some way and decide not for you which is fine. But maybe you wouldn't notice it, or care about it once you'd met.

I wouldn't be comfortable with the lying, but in future why have such a solid cut off? Why not just meet the ones you click with and reject any who look or sound or feel out of your age bracket?

Nospringflower · 08/04/2017 08:40

Ach give the old guy a chance!

TheConstantCakeEater · 08/04/2017 08:55

I'm in a big gap relationship but the lying is a bit worrying.

Hermonie2016 · 08/04/2017 08:55

Don't move your goalposts to suit this man.You had a suitable upper age limit and now you are rethinking it because of a man you barely know? You have preferences for a reason, keep your standards high.

Don't waste anymore time, drop him.There are many more suitable men.I feel he is a chancer, far from genuine.He just wants to date you for an ego boast, don't let him lie and be rewarded for it.

eurochick · 08/04/2017 08:58

It depends what you want from him. A bit of fun? I can't see why the age gap would be a problem. If you want to settle down and have children in a couple of years then bear in mind he would be nearly 50 then and late 60s when they are leaving school. You and he might be fine with that but if you want a serious relationship it's worth thinking through.

Trickycat · 08/04/2017 09:02

'Its a massive relief that I know' or he is covering his tracks and his guilt about lying. Bin him off.

ElspethFlashman · 08/04/2017 09:09

So when would he have confessed? That's literally the only thing you have to think about.

Also, if a bloke came up to you in a pub and said "I'm 15 years older than you, wanna date?" what would you say?

Beware the trap of being The Nice Girl Who Gives Remorseful Men A Chance. That girl gets burned.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 08/04/2017 09:21

He was right, you wouldn't have bothered with him if you'd known his true age, so why are you bothering now when you know he's a liar to boot?

Original poster
Littlemissindependent · 08/04/2017 09:21

You're all right. I'm just pissed at myself for being such a mug. How difficult is it to find someone decent?! I could probably have overlooked his age if he'd just been honest about it, he certainly doesn't look 46. But the fact he outright lied to me when I asked him a direct question.... you're right, it's just setting myself up for trouble

OP posts:
TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 08/04/2017 09:25

I once had an offer from some guy when I and he were the same ages as in the OP post. He was so offended and insulted when l turned him down!!

StartledByHisFurryShorts · 08/04/2017 09:27

How do you know he doesn't look 46? Do you have something other than pictures on his online profile to go on?

TheNaze73 · 08/04/2017 09:32

I wouldn't bother, he's a liar.

If you can lie about something basic like your age, what else can you be capable of? Good luck for the future though & if your limit is 40, stick to it.

HidingEyes · 08/04/2017 09:41

Tricky ... I always used to knock 2 or 3 years off my age dating, and I am a basically honest person. Just got tired of men 10 years older contacting me! Men can also be v funny about "age". And its expected perhaps that women are bit more evasive about their date of birth?!

However, looking at men. IME, women are less bothered about age, so why would a man lie? I think the problem is 4 years adds quite alot to your upper limit.

No advice on what to do! I feel your pain though. Internet dating can hard.

PushingThru · 08/04/2017 10:26

Ugh at all the lying. Online dating seems so toxic.

Biddylee · 08/04/2017 10:28

A person should be confident and secure enough to say their age.

Yer- it's tough if you look younger and you are older and on dating sites that means a whole bunch of people who would normally check you out in RL, don't... but that's life. Grin we find who we find.

Trills · 08/04/2017 10:38

No thanks. Not for me.

Fanciedachange17 · 08/04/2017 10:47

I started a relationship which was promising (after horrific breakup of marriage). He told me 2 lies, twice he changed his story about 2 things that didn't really appear to matter. He didn't even realise I'd clocked his lies but that was it for me. I'm never being lied to again and I'm so glad I dumped him.

honeyroar · 08/04/2017 11:28

How do you know that he doesn't look his age if you've not met him? His photo may be from a few years ago..

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