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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's marrying the OW

86 replies

frieda909 · 05/04/2017 21:54

Just that really.

Haven't heard from my ex in over a year. We were together nearly ten years and he was an emotionally abusive shitbag for most of that time. I can't think of a single thing I miss about him and I kick myself every day for not getting out sooner.

Anyway, he texted me out of the blue this evening to 'just let me know' that he's getting married next month.

I didn't ask any questions but I can only assume the bride is the woman he cheated on me with, who he was 'officially' dating within weeks of our breakup. He always maintained that 'nothing happened' while we were still together, like he expects a fucking medal for being so virtuous. But even if nothing physical happened, she's the woman he was staying out until all hours with after work, conveniently 'forgetting' to mention that he was with me at the time ('it just never came up'... right Hmm) and frankly I really don't give a shit whether or not they happen to have slept together during that time. The betrayal was there either way.

Anyway. I don't know why I'm posting other than to get that little rant out of my system! I'm happy with a new partner now and know I shouldn't care what he gets up to. Just... is it too much to ask that he remain lonely and miserable while I enjoy my fabulous new life?!

OP posts:
VestalVirgin · 08/04/2017 16:50

Perhaps you should warn his new wife.

Other than that, well, you are obviously well rid of him. Smile

hmcAsWas · 08/04/2017 16:54

So have you now blocked him, having sent those lukewarm congrats? That's what you really need to do to properly move on and completely forget about him - so if you haven't done it yet, get on and do it. Glad you are in a much better relationship now

Aquamarine1029 · 08/04/2017 17:16

DO NOT communicate with his new wife. That is literally the stupidest advice I've ever seen. Their relationship has NOTHING to do with you. To involve yourself would be pathetic and desperate.

kkkkaty123 · 08/04/2017 17:32

When my ex h tx me to say 'I'm going on a date and I feel great' literally word for word, not sure if he was trying to be a poet Hmmanyway I tx back 'fantastic news, I really hope you have a great time Smile'. He tx back calling me a fucking bitch.

kittybiscuits · 08/04/2017 17:38
Grin
Original poster
frieda909 · 08/04/2017 18:57

Don't worry, I'm certainly not communicating with his new wife! I've never met her and have no interest in doing so, believe me.

OP posts:
Original poster
frieda909 · 08/04/2017 19:03

Oh and kkkkaty, I hope you don't mind but that made me laugh!

When we first broke up I couldn't get anything right in my communications with him. He'd constantly complain that I wasn't being friendly enough, that my texts and emails were too 'business', blah blah blah.

This was while I was sleeping on a friend's floor, frantically running around looking for a new place to live, trying to figure out how I was going to get all my stuff moved out... oh, and finishing a degree and going for job interviews all at the same time. He, meanwhile, got to stay in the place we shared and didn't have to lift a finger... but got pissy if I didn't drop everything to send him carefully worded and well thought out replies whenever he felt like contacting me. Such a prick.

OP posts:
kkkkaty123 · 08/04/2017 19:43

Freida not at All. Laugh away I did Grin the thing is I was genuinely over the moon because he turned into a psycho. I thought great. Then when he called me a fb I knew it was a load of crap. He still hasn't found anyone to put up with his bs 10 years on. Where as iv remarried. He recently told my ds that he had found the one and he was going to marry her then everyone can stalk look at his wedding pics on fb 🙄. It didn't last.

kkkkaty123 · 08/04/2017 19:51

Oh he also pretended having a heart attack. Seriously 🙄. I'd told him a few days before I was leaving him so the fun and games went up a notch. I was in the bath and I heard a loud thump. He had 'collapsed' clutching his chest saying he was dying and didn't care. I finished my bath rushed to him ( he had form for this crap before I'm called heartless ). I said get the fuck up your scaring the kids, or I'm calling for an ambulance. He got up Hmm never ever ever did a school run until that same week. Offered to go up the school and told a group of mums that the house was filthy as were the kids and there was no food in the house. Luckily they knew me and had been to the house many times. Oh the list goes on.

kittybiscuits · 08/04/2017 19:56

Wow kkkkaty he sounds like a prize twat Grin

OllyBJolly · 08/04/2017 20:06

My ex married the OW. Twice.

So true - when he marries the mistress he creates a vacancy..

kkkkaty123 · 08/04/2017 20:09

kitty I could tell you more but I'd be outed. Just one more. He formed a 'brotherhood ' (cringe) his words of his two friends after I left. They were his support network. They had a secret handshake. Omg iv got tears typing this. On a serious note he lost the plot big time. Was surprised that I didn't put up with emotional, physical abuse and cheating. He joined fathers for justice. Every time I turned the news on I was expecting to see my ex dressed as batman climbing parliament. Grin

Fanciedachange17 · 08/04/2017 20:27

Ah,Fathers for Justice, now doesn't that just attract the weird bastards? The ones where there is usually a bloody good reason their Ex doesn't want them anywhere near the dc. I believe my abusive twat of an ex joined them although is much too fat for a batman suit. Oh he married the OW as well. Lucky stupid woman.

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/04/2017 20:35

I was just thinking that all you need to say is "He joined F4J" because we all know exactly what kind of man does that!

I would love to know how many men who are genuinely being kept from their kids by a vindictive ex, and there are sadly quite a lot, join F4J and then leave almost immediately when faced with their particular brand of pretending to care about their kids without ever having to actually do any caring. My cousins ex said he was going to join them and tell everyone why, my cousin encouraged him to, as the reason he didnt see his DD or pay maintenance was because he preferred to spend all his free time and money in the pub and actually turned down all offers of access! Funny that he stopped complaining about what a bitch she was to all his pub mates when I moved nearby and it became my local. HArd to say "She wont let me see my DD" when the woman who babysat her so cousin could have a rare night out because he refused any access, is sitting on the next table:o

kkkkaty123 · 08/04/2017 20:44

Op sorry if iv missed it, but did you reply to his tx ? I bet some mnetters could come up with some classic one liners for you.

kkkkaty123 · 08/04/2017 20:46

Fancie GrinGrinGrintoo fat for a batman suit !!!

kkkkaty123 · 08/04/2017 20:48

Pyongy totally agree. He even had f4j bumper sticker Grin

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/04/2017 21:21

A bumper sticker?

Wow, I have to say that I am impressed that he is happy to be known as a complete cunt even by perfect strangers! That really is commitment to the cause!

kkkkaty123 · 08/04/2017 21:28

I think his commitment was him liking their fb page and the sticker Grin that was probably enough for him to pat himself on the back and tell people he was doing everything possible to see the kids. I on the other hand spent the best part of 15 k to make sure he didn't. And that was as a single working mum. He got legal aid because he lied that he was out of work. Sorry op I'm hijacking the thread. Just brings back fond memories of the cock that got away Wink

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/04/2017 21:28

Being too fat for a superhero suit doesnt seem to bother most of them, unless Spiderman has really fucking chunked up lately and Superman has been on the Beer and Kebabs diet :o

kkkkaty123 · 08/04/2017 21:31

Omg your spot on. Truly lol here

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/04/2017 21:32

But thats just it! So many of them claim that they are doing everything to see their kids but the courts are biased towards the mother.

Well its funny how the courts didnt say that they could see their kids when either a) they didnt actually go to fucking court b) they went to court but told such ridiculous lies that no judge on this earth would find in their favour c) their idea of being a good parent was making sure the kids were asleep before beating and/or raping their mother or d) any combination of the above.

Another apology for the derail OP Blush

kkkkaty123 · 08/04/2017 21:34

Like all the elvis impersonators, never the young slim good looking elvis is it. No it's the pasty, bloated dyed hair ones ( wow that sounds like my ex ). Do you know what I kept my silence and dignity for years and I think this is the first time iv really let off about him. God he was a cock Grin

kkkkaty123 · 08/04/2017 21:37

It was shocking what I and the kids had to go through. I had a female judge at one hearing. He started to cry. ( could do this like turning a tap ). She bloody fell for it. Handed him a tissue and said you must be missing the children 😲 I actually said are you kidding me your honour.

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