To get rid of my fwb of 4 years.

[HowamIgoingtocope]

You can judge if you like frankly I don't care. I've had a fwb for 4 years. He disappears for months then comes back. I know he's probly in a relationship somewhere but I'm single and frankly I don't give a stuff.

Any hoo. He blocked me on fb. First time ever. Kind of stumped me. So I go looking and it seems I'm also blocked on wattsapp. Cue psycho woman . I've blocked him on everything. Okay I feel crap now. We connected sexually but emotionally not so much. Maybe I just have to high a sex drive to care. But I would rather not be broken for a second time

Bloody hell, there are some odd attitudes on this thread!

'Unpaid whore', 'fuck material' and 'respect yourself'??

Who called the Puritans?

OP - FWB stands for Friend With Benefits. He isn't much of a friend to you, is he? And judging by how miserable you sound, you're not getting a lot of benefit from the arrangement.

Onwards and upwards, dear

Do you like being picked up and dropped when it suits him?

I mean, I know you say it suits you as well because you're single, but hopefully you aren't just hanging around waiting for him to be back?

Ignore the casually judgemental folk on this thread. FWB can work for people for lots of reasons as long as both are being honest / kind / safe.

In this case he wasn't being at least two of these things. You're well rid. Don't let him - or some of the charmers on this thread - get to you.

I agree with advice to treat yourself.

Oh no I'm not pining believe me. Always been looking for a permanent fixture otherwise. However my ex makes things difficult on a regular basis so I think it was probably convenient. The ex is still a dick that will never change. So I'm quite happy to ditch this one and find something a little more monogamous. I was probably broken a little too much to commit before now .
Funny how a 17 year marriage can make you a unpaid whore isn't it. ;)

FWB isn't for everyone, especially if you wanted more.
You will be fine

My ex husband has made me a little of an ice queen. Broke me to pieces . But I'm back with avengance.

Do you know I even font blame his girlfreind anymore as she was single and could do what she wished. It may not have been moral .

Okay moving on.... Next

Oh what to do with the poo. I love that username.

I'm a kid at heart.

Fwb sounds great if you both really want no strings attached sex and are mutually respectful.
It sounds as if you would have really liked a relationship but settled for the fwb. He hasn't been very resoectful either. An honest "I'm dating someone at the moment so we'd better have a break" type conversation shows respect; just blocking you doesn't.

A man will only treat you how you let him. Demand respect. The first time he blocked you should have been the last - or at the very least you should have told him that if he did it again without an honest conversation, then that would be the end. And carry it through. Don't let them treat you badly.

If you're a female FWB, the oxytocin your body produces will result in feelings towards the other person. TBH I don't see how sex can work without feelings, you're not a robot.

He's been unkind by just suddenly deleting you from everything. Not very friend like.

You sounds great OP, and hope you have a good Monday.

Hopefully this will be a self realisation piece for you & you can move on. Do you know exactly what you want moving forward? FWB arrangements are brilliant for most but, not for all people

While you've invested your efforts / thoughts into this you've not left yourself truly open to meeting someone else. Start again. But don't have another fwb as it's clear from your writing that you do want more than that.

I was in a similar situation - although we worked together so we knew each other's circumstances, both young and single- but it wasn't really going anywhere. When it ended and I completely blocked him on everything (and changed jobs) I went online dating with a fresh and open mind and 5 months later I met the man who has now been my dh for nearly 7 years.

My Monday consisted with the porridge boiling over. Happly Monday everyone.

you're a female FWB, the oxytocin your body produces will result in feelings towards the other person. TBH I don't see how sex can work without feelings, you're not a robot.

What a load of bollocks. It is easy to have sex for the thrill and positive enotions. Or are you suggesting women are also falling in love with bicycles/ climbing walls/ cars wherever else they're getting some kicks?

It is entirely possible to have sex without attactching the temporary chemical effect of "love". Or being dependent on someone else for that feeling.

HowamI When we talked about treating yourself gently and kindly we weren't talking porridge.

YANBU getting rid of the not-friendly FWB
YANBU having an FWB if you want one
YABU having porridge!

Although maybe that'll save you from any oxytocin inspired accidents eh?

hesterton has absolutely nailed it

Some commenters might literally need to go fuck themselves.

Nothing wrong in having a friend with benefits. But, the key word in that is friend . If he has only been turning up intermittently for a quickie and then drops you like a hot stone as soon as he feels he has something / someone better to do, then he's not a friend, he's just using you.

I'll stick to buzzes alot less hassle for the meantime ;)

Ahem. 'Twas I who used the "unpaid whore" expression back there and I thought I was clear that I don't think that of OP. And I stand by my assertion that JerkWithBenefits probably did. So, please don't anybody lump me in with the Puritans.

I love a good FWB arrangement, or even a decent booty call, when it's done right. But it's clear he had too much "power" in that dynamic - I was struck by you saying he'd go off for months at a time, but I didn't get the impression you'd ever done the same, or would have.

I don't think he treated you badly because you exercised your sexual liberty, but because (as far as I can tell) you gave him no consequences for treating you badly.

Even if tou decide not to do FWB or similar anymore, flip it around in your head: the number of women who are are comfortable with that are far - far - fewer than men who want it. That makes you more valuable, not less. And any guy who doesn't get that you deserve better doesn't deserve your company of any activity.

Finally, oh, sweetie, you sound so broken and inevitable. You allude to being dumped by ExH for another woman (and he's still giving you grief), that you're not "allowed" to have a meaningful relationship, and that you don't think you'll ever be able to pick a good'un. May I ask, was ExH abusive as well as cheating? Have you considered counselling, Freedom Programme? Would you consider having this fred moved to Relationships? Plenty of non-judgey wise women there.

Ex husband wasent abusive until he left and he currently thrives on emotional abuse. Using the kids as a bribery tool so to speak. Currently arguing that it's not his responsibility to bring them home from contact. Even though he's been doing it 5 years. So Thursday I'll be having a panic attack wondering if my kids are coming home in the evening. Not sure how to get the thread moved to be honest. I'm a bit after a technofreak

Hi all,

We're just sending this over to the relationships topic for the OP.

I've done it for you, but belt&braces. Click on your own post (on my phone via the FB app there's three dots under your post), click report and then just say in the box "please move this thread to Relationships" or similar.

Tell us more about twunt ex, if you like. And what have you done to treat yourself today?