I did cheat on my husband and the guy I slept with wants to be a friend now.

[user1490951335]

This guy knew I was married so why now he is feeling guilty and doesn't want to be attached? I m broken-hearted cause I did cheat on my husband who loves me and I feel angry to bits cause it is not the great feeling to be abandoned after you trusted someone and had intimate contact risking losing lots in your life. Should I ignore him and keep the rest of my proud I have left or should accept what did happen and stay friend with him or turn my back and kick his out of my life for good.

"It would kill him"

Aka

"It wouldn't suit me"

I don't think it's weird tbh. Thinking back to uni friends, a lot of friendship s dipped into one off sexual things and back out to friendship and some people I've got off with stayed friends without going back to sex. I've also had things where I've been quite miffed that they didn't believe we could be friends and fancy each other a bit without it being odd..But then i suppose i am still rejecting the 'boys only have boy friends girls only have girl friends and you only talk to girls if you are trying to shag them' rules of mycrap comprehensive school...

Scary That logic only works if both parties feel the same. OP has feelings for this OM and is "heartbroken" it has finished. She is looking for love outside her marriage. How on earth can a friendship be based on that?

Nothing to do with Girls only have girl friends.

I appreciate some friends can sleep together and revert back to a platonic relationship as in your example.

Are you from the UK Op?

If you're going to leave him, leave. If not, tell him and let him make his own mind up.

Ted if the op's husband is abusive (which clearly we don't know, but then neither do we know that he's an innocent victim here), that could be terrible advice.

My now exw did exactly the same and her OM dumped her leaving her feeling like dumped / used etc..guilt got the better of her and she told me and I instantly ended our 20 yr marriage . Tell your husband he deserves the truth and the right to make the decision to stay or go ..

Ted if the op's husband is abusive (which clearly we don't know, but then neither do we know that he's an innocent victim here), that could be terrible advice.

Where are you getting abusive from?

I'm not. Where are people getting that he's not abusive? We don't know, that's my point.

"Am I a bad person?"

Well, you're not great.

You should tell your DH, I'm sure he'd like to know.

You need to get your head around, you were just a fuck for the other bloke & not one he can be arsed to repeat

I'm not. Where are people getting that he's not abusive? We don't know, that's my point.

Given that absolutely no evidence has been presented so far either are we just to assume abuse, then? Are you saying that she doesn't owe her husband the truth that she has cheated on him?

I think any advice to tell the husband needs to be caveated, that's all.

Abandoned probably because the sex was crap on offer he took it and left. You've done your sufferings DH a favour in the long run

I think any person wife or husband who has been cheated on has the right to know the truth ..

It depends on what they do with that truth.

I just think it's unwise to try to convince someone to tell their spouse about an infidelity unless you're pretty certain that they're not going to have seven bells kicked out of them.

Until the OP responds we will never know if her DH will kick 'seven bells ' out of her ..I am sure the majority of men wouldn't behave like that .

Of course, if you are married or in a relationship, the best thing is to walk away rather than get involved but I do understand that sometimes your feelings and emotions get carried away.

Not the best thing, the only thing, otherwise you're basically acting like a total tramp having sex with a man who knows you're married; not nice is it.

See you are still full of excuses.

I've been with my partner 15 years not even married but have found it easy to stay faithful because I love him and believe in fidelity; sounds like you don't have either of those feelings; it's not enough if he loves you, the love has to be mutual; imo, anyone having an affair can't possibly be happy and in love with their partner.

Leave him OP; it's a nicer cleaner way to be than having sex on the side with your lover.

You have control over what you do, it's not the guy's fault either.

TedEriksen
he is not abusive person, he will never do anything to hurt me.

It's incredulous that people are looking for excuses as to why the OP cheated.

If an OP says her husband cheated he is automatically a dick/wanker/ any other abusive name and there is never an excuse.

Totally agree Renaissance; at least I think the same of both sexes - cunts basically but I am sick of reading when a woman is shagging on the side, it's ok cos well she's having a tough time, but if it's ever a man, he's the devil reincarnated!

Nobody is trying to make excuses! Although it's true that sometimes people in miserable, possibly abusive relationships end up falling into affairs or ONSs. There are unscrupulous individuals who'll target people in those circs precisely because they are vulnerable.

This doesn't appear to be the case here however.