I'm (obviously) using an anon name, email etc just in case, btw.
Been with my boyfriend 5 years, we have a child together. So many things have happened, some good, some really bad and some very traumatic for me. But none the less, I stay.
I'm pretty sure he's abusive, emotionally. Just recently I told him that me and my mum were planning a little weekend trip to Ireland, and he came over, got in my face and said if I go to Ireland for the first time without him he would be very, very upset and disappointed. So obviously now I can't go, I won't enjoy myself for fear of him being angry or upset with me. But I can't exactly tell my mum the real reason I'm cancelling.
He's very disrespectful to me in front of our son, who's just turned 3. Not in that he's rude or anything, but he'll constantly undermine me in front of him. If our son hits me or throws a ball at my face, he laughs. I genuinely don't think he sees anything wrong with this and sees it as playfulness, but I have asked him hundreds of times not to.
He's also very sexually aggressive. I went through a few problems downstairs about a year back and my dr advised not to have sex until everything was good again. After about 4 days he starts begging, and even though i kept saying no, he climbed on top of me and started trying so eventually I gave in. This led to me having a really bad infection.
I've been woken up by him having his hands down my pants a few times, while pleasuring himself. This really freaks me out. I've never been able to confront him about this. I just lay there hoping he'll be done soon.
And because of this I feel almost repulsed when we have sex now. Which isn't very often, I'm always trying to come up with excuses. When we do have sex, I'll suggest just a quickie, but then he wants to kiss and touch me before sex with sometimes sends me into a panic attack.
I have never told anyone this before. Sorry for the long post. I just don't know what to do, I feel so depressed.
I just want to be happy. And I want things to go back to how they were when our son was a baby.
Thanks for listening 
❤ xxx