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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What the heck do I do now?

89 replies

Soconfusedandsohurt · 28/03/2017 11:40

I woke up this morning to my partner having a go at me that the floor hasn't been mopped and I've been napping, he pulled me up by my arm roughly and in my defence I struck him round the face.
He dropped my arm and I legged it to the bathroom and tried to barricade myself in but he broke through, I knew he was going to hit me so I crouched and covered my face/head and he punched me repeatedly in my thighs and stomach.
I screamed for him to stop and that he was hurting me and he finally left, he's taken a bag and all the phone chargers but I don't know where on earth he would go too, so I'm assuming when he's done going into work he'll come back here.
I have been planning to leave him but was waiting for primary school placements to come out so I knew what area I needed to be in - this was obviously before this attack.
The bruises have already appeared in full force and are so hot and I can't really sit down, I have a tiny baby and a 4 year old with him.
I'm just sitting here crying my eyes out I don't know what the hell to do. He's taken the car (it is his car). I live 250 miles away from any family and I know my mum would drive up for us in a heartbeat but she's been booked in for a hysterectomy and today and obviously is going to be in no fit state.
I don't know what to do I am so, so hurt. I think he has also taken my keys and locked us in as I can't find them.
Where the fuck do I start? I knew shit was bad, not this bad. what do I do? I have I think around 3 hours until he is back.
Sorry if none of this is making sense I'm not thinking straight

OP posts:
Smurfpoo · 28/03/2017 12:02

Well done soconfused Flowers
I think you should ring the police now whilst she's on her way

As for being afraid, you've been conditioned to feel that way. Your also about to jump into the unknown, and thats scary no matter what.

xStefx · 28/03/2017 12:05

Please do it OP, he called that back up the stairs because he knew what he did was worthy of calling the police.

When the police see the bruises it will be pretty obvious that he wasn't "protecting himself" , pretty clear that he brutally beat you up.

My ex beat me up OP, each hammering got worse and worse. Always my fault apparently. I woke up when he broke my collar bone (and other things) and I was in hospital for a week and no one came to visit me (he didn't) and I was too ashamed to tell my family and friends. I got a bus home from the hospital , walked through the door and he was pissed, something clicked and called the police to watch him whilst I packed and left.

You feel stressed now, just wait how free you will feel when you have left.

AliceByTheMoon · 28/03/2017 12:07

Good luck OP.

Thanks
DianaMitford · 28/03/2017 12:08

Oh good grief! Police, ASAP.
Whereabouts in the country are you?

Oldbrownowl · 28/03/2017 12:08

Good luck op, it must be frightening but you are doing what is right for you and your 2 babies

Flowers
DragonFire99 · 28/03/2017 12:09

You hitting him first is neither here or there - he had woken you to nag you about the floor, AND he then went on to beat you.

OP - CALL THE POLICE NOW.

They will be able to help you get the ball rolling to leave your abusive partner.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 28/03/2017 12:10

CALL THE POLICE NOW

And then call a locksmith and get the doors unlocked and then changed so he cannot come back in.

HecateAntaia · 28/03/2017 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DaisyBlameless · 28/03/2017 12:12

Call the police.

lalaloopyhead · 28/03/2017 12:15

Another saying please call the police. Him coming after you through a barricaded bathroom door can in no way be construed as self defence on his part.

Please get yourself and your children away from this man.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 28/03/2017 12:16

Call the police. DO NOT be guilted into thinking you provoked this. You acted in self defence because he had your arm. He assaulted you. You have the bruises. he does not. You WILL NOT be blamed or get into trouble. He is just trying to scare you and stop you reporting him. He is a vile, violent, man who does not deserve you. Get Away. Calling the police is the first step.

NightWanderer · 28/03/2017 12:18

Call the police. You may need evidence of what happened in the future. Huge hugs, you've done absolutely nothing wrong.

RavioliOnToast · 28/03/2017 12:19

Listen to PP, you need to do this now for your children later. You can keep them safe OP and have a brilliant safe life away from this fucking cunt coward. I have been in your position before, best thing i ever ever did was leave. Funnily enough he has fuck all to do with my DD now. His loss. I couldn't allow her to grow up around that.

Put yourself first, schools are everywhere OP, get yourself to safety and settled and technicalities will come later. Everything will fall into place OP ❤️💐

category12 · 28/03/2017 12:20

Locking you in might constitute unlawful imprisonment on top of the domestic violence. There's no justification for him doing any of this.

sherbetpips · 28/03/2017 12:21

Please call the police and although it might be tempting to be at your neighbors to watch him return do not put yourself or your neighbor in danger. Get out and get away.

PoorYorick · 28/03/2017 12:21

When this nasty, worthless sack of shit starts blaming you, remember this: He is talking BULLSHIT. He is violent, he is abusive, he is manipulative and the fact you struck him after he grabbed your arm and pulled you up - and that not being the first time he's laid hands on you - is NOT the problem. It is utterly, 100%, unquestionably his fault. And you must never, ever, ever go back to him because he WILL do it again and he WILL start on your children when they're old enough to answer back.

Get your neighbour to call the police, lock the door and leave the key in and chain on until the police are there.

This is NOT YOUR FAULT.

AdoraBell · 28/03/2017 12:22

Hope you've spoken to the Police by now OP

bloodyfuming9 · 28/03/2017 12:22

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Call the police.
Please remember to take all the documents you may need - passports birth certificates, bank books, laptop etc? baby books, national insurance number etc.
Could you travel up to your mums and stay locally in a cheap hotel until she has her operation and stay with her for a little while? She may appreciate having you there while she recovers in any case?

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 28/03/2017 12:24

Really hope you're OK op and have called the police on that animal. How young is the baby, I know you said tiny. I only ask as you should really be seen by a doctor if you have not long given birth.

TheWoodlander · 28/03/2017 12:25

Police will take this v seriously - the beating and the locking you in.

It's not your fault. Make a plan - your mothers 250 miles away sounds like a good start. Good luck Thanks

Ginkypig · 28/03/2017 12:28

I'm just posting for support soconfused

You can do this, your a powerful woman and a great mother, he has taken too much from you, don't allow him to take anymore. He wont change so your only left with leaving.

You will look back on this day with pride from a life that right now you can only dream of!

Flowers
SparklyMagpie · 28/03/2017 12:28

OP Flowers I hope you've managed to call the police. They will handle this.

I can't imagine how frightening that must have been for you xx

HollyJollyDillydolly · 28/03/2017 12:31

Goodness. Definitely involve the police, how awful for you.

Bottlesoflove · 28/03/2017 12:32

You were cowering in the corner protecting yourself with your arms. Nothing he did was in self defence

MadMags · 28/03/2017 12:33

Hope you've called them.
He's full of shit. You did nothing to provoke this.