Husband insults me

[user1490207478]

Dear Ladies


I really hope someone can listen and help because my heart is crushing.


I've been married just over a year now.. I knew my husband had quite a sexual past but I never knew this would impact our relationship until we got married. I also never knew the extent of it until I recently found some old sex videos on an old USB he's forgotten about. It seemed to me he had a certain taste in women and was rather adventurous in bed, a side I've never seen.. which upsets me deeply.


I'm 23 y/o, 5ft 3 and size 8. Far from overweight and have a small frame, I do have big boobs and no defined waist..whatever little wobbly bits goes to my stomach so my bum is not big nor do I have wide hips.


My husband knew this and still married me.. everything was lovey dovey during engagement.
However since we got married, he keeps insulting and really hurting me saying things such as: "you're a strange female..never seen someone with no hips" "how are you going to carry a baby with no hips, the baby will get crushed" "I don't think you even have a womb" "you have the body of a 12 y/o" "you ain't got no bum" "alright pancake" "alright hippie (sarcastically implying I don't have wide hips)" "alright so tell me the truth do you think you can carry a baby? Where will it go?" "You're disabled with that bone structure not to have wide hips" "you're deformed" "why don't you have curves?" These are said on a regular.. It's killing me. I can't wear anything that is a little tight without him commenting about my body shape (how much he dislikes it), therefore I avoid anything that reveals my body at all costs and go more for wider and looser clothes. And I do tell him that he is far from perfect himself and needs to stop trying to make me feel like I'm abnormal when I'm perfectly healthy, active and also have a pretty face (!).


My husband is 25 y/o &yesterday said to me "You're old as fu**", I wish when in 50 you could be 40". I don't know what's wrong with him, I look a few years younger than him anyways as I'm small. I've seen relationships where the wife is older if anything and it's beautifully perfect. He is not happy about our 2 yrs difference. He seems to have all these fake standard perceptions that society has set of what a perfect woman is meant to look & be like.. the typical "Kardashian" fake body. He has knocked my confidence and self esteem big time. I can't bare to look at myself in the mirror without all his comments running through my mind.


Every woman wants (&needs) to feel the most sexy and beautiful by the man she loves, and I feel nothing but the opposite. I've tried speaking to him. He is cuddly and says things such as I could never lose you etc. Everything is so contradictory.


I'm the one always initiating sex and I had a fight with him about it and in the heat of the moment he said because you need to sort your body out. And I realised his brain is wired to all the sex and women he's been with.. and I can never fit that criteria or feel good enough. I am constantly feeling bullied and I wonder why he married me. I love him dearly but his hurtful insults about my looks and my femininity is killing me inside and causing a shield where I can't be myself or even wear a tight vest or feel confident during sex. I have considered fat transplant to get wider hips and bigger bum and a super flat stomach, just don't have the money yet.
Sorry about the long message but I have nobody to talk to about this as it is extremely personal and also embarrassing.. Please help. What would you do in my position? From a heartbroken unhappy girl..X









Your husband doesn't love you. I don't think he ever has. And, as previous posters have all said, he is an abusive arsehole.

Please, please, please, get a divorce. You have your entire life ahead of you. Don't waste it by being abused by this fuckwit. You deserve so much better. You truly can be happy, but not with this sorry excuse for a man.

And PLEASE do not have children with him.

Get rid he sounds horrible. I am tiny and no bum or boobs either but have had 2 kids.

I had a baby now problem with no complications ( I'm a 6 - 8) he sounds like he unbelievably lacks confidence and feels the need to put you down.

Please don't have a baby with this man, run run run girl your only 23 you have your whole life ahead of you.

He will just be a distant memory , please leave him. Normal people do not act like that.
He sounds like if you really needed him in any kind if crisis ( health or otherwise) in the future he will use it to put you down.

If you don't leave him you will be a shadow of yourself in a few years.

X

"you're a strange male..never seen someone with love handles like that"
"how are you going to get me pregnant with low testosterone like that, the baby would probably be deformed"
"I don't think you even have swimmers in your testicles"
"you have the body of a woman or a pre-pubescent boy"
"you ain't got no bum" "alright pancake"
"alright hard abs (sarcastically implying I don't have abs)"
"alright so tell me the truth do you think you can get a woman pregnant"
"You're disabled with that bone structure; you should have wide shoulders & narrow hips but you look like Homer Simpson instead"
"you're deformed"
"why don't you abs and defined muscles?"
"You're old as fu**" (from a 25 yr old to a 23 yr old).

What would you think of a woman who said things like this to her partner??

He has a desperate need to put you down, abuse you and make you feel shit about yourself in order to feel secure. He naturally didn't start it until you were married/he 'had' you; that shows it's completely purposeful/intentional.

He could have 10 yrs of counselling and probably wouldn't change. People like this so rarely change. Please escape before you get in any deeper with him.

ou are so young and can have a lovely alternative future ahead if you with a fella who is not severely abusive like this.

"You are so young and can have a lovely alternative future ahead of you with a fella who is not severely abusive like this."

Oh and he were with a woman closer in figure to e.g. Kim Khardasia she would be;

"a whale"
"fatty"
"needs to go to the gym"
"is going to end up needing a crane to get out of bed/is going to end up needing a mobility scooter"
"fat arse"
"not fit enough to run after a child"
"arse too big to fit in plane seats"
and of course, even if she's younger than him "f*cking OLD"

...whatever it takes to see her face fall, her shoulders slump, and for her to feel chit, not good enough etc.This is how he operates.

Get out pet - tell your friends and family what he says to you, tell everyone. You are in the right to hate this and you'll be in the right to get away from him.

I wonder why he married me.

Short answer, because he's a class A turd whose only redeeming feature is his mortality.

Long answer, because he obviously smelled your low self esteem from a mile off and decided he could bully and cow and control you by making you feel like utter shit every single day of your life and never ever letting you realise your power (and my God, you are a beautiful young woman, believe me you have power).

He's rank. He's vile. He will steal your entire life away from you if you don't get out now and one day you will look back and realise what you had, what you could have had and what he stole, and it will destroy you if this cunt hasn't done it already. Get. Out. Now. NOW.

He is cuddly and says things such as I could never lose you etc. Everything is so contradictory

The contradictory behaviour towards which you mentioned is on purpose to control you.
He sounds absolutely terrible.
You have your life ahead of you and should get out now.

Do have counselling to help you move forward and never have anything whatsoever to do with someone abusive again.

It seems possible from the sound of him that he may never have had much of a real sex life before, just one with himself and a screen.

It seems possible from the sound of him that he may never have had much of a real sex life before, just one with himself and a screen.

Can't believe I missed this. Yes, of course. He may have made all sorts of claims about the supermodels he's bedded before (and yet they are all gone now, hmm), but by your own account you always have to initiate. When you're married to an experienced and red blooded man , believe me you do not have to initiate. (Which is not to say he will not respect a refusal, but assuming no problems with health or the relationship, he won't be hanging back waiting for you if he's got the drive.)

More likely, as this PP says, he's got a serious personal problem, probably brought on by excessive use of porn and his own inadequacies. But it's much easier to blame you and your supposed unattractiveness than grow a testicle and take some responsibility for himself.

Not being funny, OP, but a truly sexual man with a high drive is not going to be put off because a woman has a little tummy or doesn't look like a blow up doll. He's not, he's just not. You've got yourself a total loser here but if you stay with him he'll spend both your lives convincing both of you that the problem is simply that you're ugly (which you are NOT), rather than the fact that he's terrified of women and is so addicted to flat screens and plastic that he can no longer get it up.

The problem is 100% his but if you stay with him he will make it yours and he will steal your life away from you. Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out.

It seems very likely PoorYorick is right: he is blaming you to make himself feel better about his own inadequacy.

Even if this hunch about him and sex is wrong, one way or another he is definitely blaming you, just to cover for himself.

YY merville Its all about the abusive fuckwit trying to cover up his own inadequacies.

However if the OP had posted that she was curvier we would have had at least one poster ask her "Well are you overweight OP?"

LTB OP you are very young and deserve so much better.

Im sure you are beautiful! And ltb. He's not beautiful at all.

This is so sad. Please leave him. You are so young.

All these comments may have alarmed you. You may not know where to turn, and perhaps wonder if this is really abuse - as he does not hit you. His behaviour is emotionally abusive though which is just as damaging.

You could start by getting some help for yourself from people who are used to dealing with abuse and just talk things over.

Meanwhile. he would seem to have sexual problems of his own and there are experts he could see about that if he were so inclined. (Hidden homosexuality? Excessive use of porn which often causes difficulties with real sex?) But that should not be your worry, you are not the one to blame.

He cannot relate to real women only fake ones and is to be pitied...but NOT that much. Let's see how he gets on without you and how quickly you can build up your self esteem, learn to love yourself and maybe (but not 100% important at the moment) find a REAL man who will love YOU!