Husband insults me

[user1490207478]

Dear Ladies


I really hope someone can listen and help because my heart is crushing.


I've been married just over a year now.. I knew my husband had quite a sexual past but I never knew this would impact our relationship until we got married. I also never knew the extent of it until I recently found some old sex videos on an old USB he's forgotten about. It seemed to me he had a certain taste in women and was rather adventurous in bed, a side I've never seen.. which upsets me deeply.


I'm 23 y/o, 5ft 3 and size 8. Far from overweight and have a small frame, I do have big boobs and no defined waist..whatever little wobbly bits goes to my stomach so my bum is not big nor do I have wide hips.


My husband knew this and still married me.. everything was lovey dovey during engagement.
However since we got married, he keeps insulting and really hurting me saying things such as: "you're a strange female..never seen someone with no hips" "how are you going to carry a baby with no hips, the baby will get crushed" "I don't think you even have a womb" "you have the body of a 12 y/o" "you ain't got no bum" "alright pancake" "alright hippie (sarcastically implying I don't have wide hips)" "alright so tell me the truth do you think you can carry a baby? Where will it go?" "You're disabled with that bone structure not to have wide hips" "you're deformed" "why don't you have curves?" These are said on a regular.. It's killing me. I can't wear anything that is a little tight without him commenting about my body shape (how much he dislikes it), therefore I avoid anything that reveals my body at all costs and go more for wider and looser clothes. And I do tell him that he is far from perfect himself and needs to stop trying to make me feel like I'm abnormal when I'm perfectly healthy, active and also have a pretty face (!).


My husband is 25 y/o &yesterday said to me "You're old as fu**", I wish when in 50 you could be 40". I don't know what's wrong with him, I look a few years younger than him anyways as I'm small. I've seen relationships where the wife is older if anything and it's beautifully perfect. He is not happy about our 2 yrs difference. He seems to have all these fake standard perceptions that society has set of what a perfect woman is meant to look & be like.. the typical "Kardashian" fake body. He has knocked my confidence and self esteem big time. I can't bare to look at myself in the mirror without all his comments running through my mind.


Every woman wants (&needs) to feel the most sexy and beautiful by the man she loves, and I feel nothing but the opposite. I've tried speaking to him. He is cuddly and says things such as I could never lose you etc. Everything is so contradictory.


I'm the one always initiating sex and I had a fight with him about it and in the heat of the moment he said because you need to sort your body out. And I realised his brain is wired to all the sex and women he's been with.. and I can never fit that criteria or feel good enough. I am constantly feeling bullied and I wonder why he married me. I love him dearly but his hurtful insults about my looks and my femininity is killing me inside and causing a shield where I can't be myself or even wear a tight vest or feel confident during sex. I have considered fat transplant to get wider hips and bigger bum and a super flat stomach, just don't have the money yet.
Sorry about the long message but I have nobody to talk to about this as it is extremely personal and also embarrassing.. Please help. What would you do in my position? From a heartbroken unhappy girl..X









what bobs said! don't let him make you feel like this OP!

He also sounds unbelievably dumb without an understanding of normal human anatomy. You wouldn't really want any future children to inherit such a low level of intelligence. You can't change this and you need to start preparing to leave.

This man does not love you!
He is telling you that loud and clear but it's not because there is something wrong with you.
He is intentionally causing you a psychological injury.
I doubt he's capable of love.
Run like the wind - it will only get worse.

He's abusive AND think. Please get out of this asap. He should be ashamed of himself.

Well, what I would do in your situation is tell him to take his twisted attitude and fuck off to the far end of fuck and then fuck off some more.

Then get a shit hot lawyer and LTB.

Run. Run far, run fast.

Leave immediately. This isn't normal or acceptable. You're 23. Don't waste your youth on this arsehole.

The fact that he has ground you down to the point you are contemplating surgery is horrifying.

You are completely normal. Plenty of men would find your figure attractive. Including your husband considering he married you! This is absolutely not about you. He needs help.

I would leave before he damages your self esteem anymore

When I was 23 I married a man and didn't live up to his ideals as a woman. I was too outgoing, too jokey, too young, not serious enough. He wasn't particularly interested in me sexwise, he'd been brought up on porn and the like.

I divorced at 24.

I'm 36 now and very happily married with four children. I thank all the gods every day that I didn't get pregnant by my ex and end up stuck with him forever trying to be the mum he thought I should be. What an arsehole he was.

But actually your husband sounds worse.

He is a creep. Leave him behind, the sorry excuse for a human being. Ugh

He doesn't want a wife, he wants a verbal punching bag! He wants someone he can drag down to make himself feel better. He wants to tear down your self-esteem so he'll always have a victim.

Please, please tell me you're using reliable contraception. And if you aren't, sort it out NOW.

You need to pack your bags and leave. You're young and you deserve so much better than this. I know you don't want to give up, but he'll never change. Leave.

Oh that's one of the most heartbreaking posts I've ever seen on here, it's not your body that's wrong sweetheart, it's him. I'm so sorry because I know this will hurt you just now but he doesn't love you, no one who loves you would tear down your self esteem like that.

This man will cause you years more pain if you don't leave him and your self esteem will have taken even more of a battering because, whatever extremes you go to in order to be what he wants, he will never stop putting you down.

I don't claim to be a psychologist but IMO this kind of abuse is all about power. He puts you down to make himself feel superior and targets whatever he thinks you're most insecure about which for you is your body shape.

Ultimately if he was that bothered about 'curves' he would be with someone with that sort of body shape, or (as happens for most of us) he could love his partner so deeply that appearance pretty much ceases to matter, he could love you for the person you are and not just the shape your body is.

Realising that you need to leave him, whether that happens now as a result of this thread or in 2/3/5 years time when you just can't take anymore, it will hurt and you will wonder how you're going to get through it. At least if you do it now you won't have wasted anymore time on a man who puts you down instead of loving you the way you deserve to be loved

Wow he's really weird! Why is he so fixated on your hips?! Anyway he's a dick. You shouldn't have to live like this. You're only 23 do you really want to be stuck with this creep through your best most carefree years?

Hidingtonothing's comment about psychologiy got me thinking, I'm not saying he can't have children but my mother married her first husband at 21. Everything was great until she wanted to start a family. He became fixated on the notion that she would make a bad mother, he drove her into the ground about it. She ended up trying to take her own life. Turns out he was infertile and knew it. His second testicle never descended and it was very unlikely he would ever father a child. Instead of telling her he verbally abused her to try and make her convinced she could never be a mother in the hope she would give up the idea and stay with him, when the normal thing to do would have been to tell her and start a plan b together. Luckily she did leave, because obviously she is a mother. There are often motives behind someone's need to degrade another person in ways most normal people would never dream of doing. Whatever his motives or reasons is 100% him not you. I hope you take the advice, it's not easy to turn your back on a relationship but be strong and look after yourself

I have no idea what you grew up with but please get yourself some therapy to work out why you put up with this utter shit for one moment. And of course leave him asap, do the freedom programme, call women's aid and never ever date anyone like him ever again.

Op: I bet he is nasty in other ways too isn't he? It's reason enough to leave him but I bet if you thought about it this isn't only related to how he feels about you physically. I bet he's also a bit insecure and he's destroying you to boost his fucking ego. You deserve a relationship where the man adores you, every part of you, inside and out. Get out before your self esteem drops further.

Keep posting on here it'll help gain clarity on your relationship as a whole.

THIS MAN HATES YOU.

Seriously. He hates you.

He is warped. He's poisonous. He's trying to destroy you inch by inch.

Op, I'm sorry this is really bad. He's a cruel bully and it will get worse, not better. And you will continue to lose your self esteem until you are simply s shell of yourself with no strength left.

This is not how marriage works. People do not treat each other like this.

I'm sorry but you should leave him. Not believe him and consider surgery. Leave him whilst you have no kids and are young enough to start again with s man who will love you.

Do you have someplace you can go? Friends? Parents? You cannot stay in an abusive marriage, you cannot bring children into s marriage like this and subject them to his abuse or even just to witness it.

He's revealed who he is...get out now.

Every woman wants (&needs) to feel the most sexy and beautiful by the man she loves

Er no they don't, but they do need to be respected and treated as a human being with feelings by the man they love.

Sweetheart, you're 23, you don't have kids with this guy. Run the fuck as far away as you can from this man. While you still can.

What would I do? You have to ask?

A - you are not a girl you are a woman
B - you are wasting your life with this twat
C - use your womanly skills, get a divorce lawyer and get the fuck out of there.

Life is too short love.

He is a twat. Don't get pregnant, pack your bags and run for the hills. You wont please him even if you do have surgery. And, more importantly, you shouldn't HAVE to.

OP - you are perfect. It's not only your body shape, it's your capacity for love and empathy. Your body is perfect, your mind is lovely.

He is a poisonous shell of a person.

Ger rid, be happy.

Your post is so sad, please love yourself and leave him.

Leave. Please leave. You are 23. You should be having the time of your life.
One life. Don't waste it with this horrible bully. You deserve so much more.