When do you stop looking?

[gladiatorix]

BF cheated on me. We don't live together and have been in a relationship for nearly a year. I knew the minute I walked in the door after returning from a work trip that he had done this. I asked pointed subtle questions that he rebuffed with ease. But I knew. I got up in the middle of the night and drove home. The next day he confessed.

I was shocked, but probably not surprised. He has said and done all the right things, but each time I come into the house, I'm looking. Examining. Questioning. Doubting.

When does that ease off? I'm in danger of driving myself mad

This has crossed my mind more than once

Don't be such a bloody doormat

You are worth more than this.

It definitely will be about her, next time you go away. That's for certain.

You love your job and I assume it pays quite well.

You have survived a broken marriage .

You are strong woman with a lot of choices in life.

You need to put yourself first for once. You deserve better that a cheater , however charming he is.

I feel winded at the thought of saying goodbye

You are doing your job, which involves travel.

Your snowflake of a partner can't seem to handle it and seems to blame you for him cheating.

Why do men crumble when women have demands put on them by their jobs?

He sounds weak and unchallenging. You are obvs good at your job to have a company paying for you to travel. Just because he's easy and undemanding doesn't make him ..... worth it. Coz he sounds like an utter tosser.

What other choice do you have?

fallen you mean to chuck?

Did you not feel winded, disappointed, disrespected and generally shite about him cheating?
Honestly this is a no brainer!

glad what would you advise a friend in this situation?

glad coming at it from the other side, my partner (now DH) has travelled for work from pretty much day 1 of our relationship, for short trips, long trips, trips in the UK, trips abroad, trips at HIGHLY inconvenient times (like the weekend before my due date for DD) - not once has my fidelity and faithfulness to him been dependent on his geographical location! Also, not once have I ever expected him to either not go or give up his travels - it's part of his job, and also part of the deal of being in a relationship with him. I'm not a saint or a martyr for putting up with it - it's just the way it is. There are PLENTY of men in the world who would do the same. Please value yourself more than to continue to put up with his pathetic behaviour, there is NO blame that can be placed on you for his actions.

It obviously made me feel like shit, but I was numb. Think I still am, actually - which may be one of the reasons that I am still around.

Just to clear up, maintaining my own home allowing distance, space and time (my hard fought independence) is not related to my feelings of this being somewhat my fault. I think that is deeply ingrained from my upbringing

I think that many of us were brought up to believe that getting a man and keeping a man is the main purpose of a woman's life. So it's very radical to " throw away " a relationship with a man who others see as even half decent .

I work away a lot. I don't like with my fiancé.
Sometimes when I get home, he has switched the radio over to my preferred station and is in the kitchen fixing my favourite late evening arrival bruschetta.

Not sticking his dick in some other woman.

PLEASE don't think this has anything to do with your work travel!

You love your job.
He's a scummy cheat.

I know which you should pick

Thank you for the messages. Perhaps I needed to hear this absolutely

Hear this: you deserve better. Whoever said or implied through their actions that you did not, let you down. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. It's a year of your life. Let him go

Thank you. It's hard to hear this enmasse

You should leave him before it's too late OP. before you have children and he does it again. Tossbag. You deserve better.

A wise poster on mumsnet said something that I've found very helpful (sorry, I don't remember who, but if it was you then you are SO RIGHT)

You know what you need to do, but you are just waiting for the strength and courage to do it. Unfortunately, courage comes from actually doing the right thing, not before. So you have to act AS IF you were a strong, confident woman who treats herself with respect and doesn't tolerate crap, even when you feel heartbroken and pathetic and just want everything to go away. And later, when you've done it, you will find that you have BECOME that courageous person.

I'm so sorry, OP, this is a terrible, heartbreaking situation. And I know how tough it is, how impossible it feels, to just walk away with your head up. But down the road you will feel so glad you did

I am in a similar situation (have to leave someone I really care about but who I know doesn't care for me enough) and I have to keep reminding myself that it's no good staying and hoping I'll feel better. I will only feel strong enough to leave after I've left.

And there's the kicker tiger, him not caring enough for me

It's not about you. It's not about how lovable or unlovable you are. It's about him being a selfish prick who can't resist the opportunity to put his dick in someone else if a window of opportunity arises. It's about him.

Yes, kitty, he admits this himself. Told me it was purely sex. I feel sorry for her, she had no idea that he had a girlfriend and his text to her ending it was pathetic

Don't feel sorry for her. She just had sex with him. No biggy. Save your sympathy for yourself. You deserved better. You know it's what he is.

You don't stop looking. It doesn't ease off.

My ex cheated twice during the first year of our relationship. I didn't find out until seven years later. I thought it would ease, it didn't. I walked away.

You deserve better than this and you are most definitely NOT to blame. If you enjoy your job and the travelling aspect, do it. This man did not love you.

Stay strong

He will do it again