When do you stop looking?

[gladiatorix]

BF cheated on me. We don't live together and have been in a relationship for nearly a year. I knew the minute I walked in the door after returning from a work trip that he had done this. I asked pointed subtle questions that he rebuffed with ease. But I knew. I got up in the middle of the night and drove home. The next day he confessed.

I was shocked, but probably not surprised. He has said and done all the right things, but each time I come into the house, I'm looking. Examining. Questioning. Doubting.

When does that ease off? I'm in danger of driving myself mad

Do you enjoy / will it affect your career negatively if you give up the travel?

I am not suggesting you do, btw.

But...if he's frustrated and annoyed that you kept up the travelling...why didn't he just end the relationship? Being frustrated with your partner travelling for work doesn't mean you have to stick your penis in another woman - you either talk about things or you end the relationship and find someone better suited.

Sadly forgiving him this time just gave him the green light to do it again.

I hope you have had a a check up. .
Why strive for your independence to give away your self respect?

Were his balls about to explode while you were away? No, thought not. His responsibility, you are not to blame.

Yes, if I give up the travel my career effectively comes to an end. My immediate reaction was not to go again, but then I thought 'fuck this' and I'm going.

I was going to do the hard talk before I left - for what it's worth. I've always believed that if a man will cheat, there is nothing you can do about it. Which I still believe.

I will know because he has shown his hand at how he lies.

We talk about what he did quite openly. He told me the other day he was quite surprised that I had t asked him about her. I told him this wasn't about her. Which it isn't.

I guess I just don't think the relationship is up to me to end. I'm waiting for him to do it. And have been from the beginning

I guess I just don't think the relationship is up to me to end. I'm waiting for him to do it. And have been from the beginning

Why are you allowing yourself to be controlled by someone who clearly has no respect for you? It's as much your right to end a relationship as it is his and he certainly isn't going to when you may as well be waving a white flag in his face and screaming cheat on me! His 100% at fault for what his done but your allowing yourself to be treated like that again. After 1 year I'd slam the door in his face

Oh come on OP place some value on yourself.You've already been through a divorce,life is meant to be for living now not putting up with this sort of crap!

I fought long and hard for my independence after my divorce

vs

I guess I just don't think the relationship is up to me to end. I'm waiting for him to do it. And have been from the beginning

Well thank goodness you didn't give it up. And please don't.

Why are you so passive about this relationship? Why don't you think you're worth more?

fallen empires I know. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me

After my marriage, I had a LTR with someone who totally sucked the life out of me, both emotionally and financially. BF is the complete opposite. I think this is the main reason I find it hard to walk away

Walk away from this relationship. Enjoy travelling. Give yourself time to work out what you want from a relationship. Then start looking for someone who respects you and deserves to be with you - your current DP does not.

It sounds like he's sucking the life out of you by other means. Give yourself some time to regroup and get yourself on solid ground away from men OP.

The advice to leaving is overwhelming. A landslide

Is this your first relationship since your divorce?I dated a fair few fuckwits after mine.I think that having not dated since my early 20's I wasn't clued up as such,but I soon established my boundaries.Please find yours.

It sounds like you have had a hard time. I don't think this man is the answer. Your self esteem has taken a beating, and this relationship is not right.

And probably a bit shocking to hear as well.
Why are you waiting for him to end it?
Take back control of YOUR LIFE!!!
Pull up your big girl pants and get it ended.
This cheating dickhead is not in control of your life.
YOU ARE!
You've been through a lot already in your life.
This should feel easy and it should be easy.

This is one of the lamest posts I've ever read!
Seriously, look at the facts. Look at what's it's doing to you.

The situation is driving you mad but you don't end it.
You are blaming yourself for not giving up part of your job. Apparently that made him cheat!
The relationship isn't up to you? What the fuck are you going on about?
Jeez woman, if this is a real post you need to wobble your head.

I'm not blaming myself for my job. I absolutely love my job.

I grew up in a home where a woman never left a mans side. If I df went away on business, dm would go too as it was her 'place' to take care of him. I think this is where the guilt comes into it

Well you need to dump that man and dump that mindset about relationships.

You have a great career which you've worked hard for,don't let this no mark walk all over you and destroy your MH.

category Thanks for the comments and staying with this thread!

FFS OP, what are you doing giving this man another chance?!

You have to feel free to go away for a bit without thinking of your partner being with another woman. That's no life for you otherwise.

I bet when you divorced you vowed to yourself not to make the same mistake again. Stick to that vow. This man is not the right one for you. Thank god you weren't living with him. Dump him.

By the way, have you heard of hysterical bonding? You might want to look it up. It's what you're going through - it will blow your mind.

If you finish it before your next work trip, you'll be able to enjoy it without constantly worrying and speculating about what he is up to. You can just enjoy the trip, work hard and just reconnect with yourself again. I really hope that you do. Cheating shows a fundamental lack of respect and you really do deserve better.