disturbed by my partners "fantasy talk" during sex

[ilovemyCheebie]

My partner is 48 and I'm 24, I struggle a little with the age gap.
During sex he has said to me that he's pretending I'm a 19 year old school girl, he's said he's imagining me like "a little Japanese school girl", he's been having sex with me and in the middle says to me that I look "so young" and has also said "I'm going to pretend you're really drunk at a party". I find it difficult to square away these things he's said during sex. I was abused as a child so being told I look so young and he's imaging me as a little Japanese school girl is maybe a sensitive topic for me. I really disliked his "drunk at a party" fantasy because to me it sounds weird. Im not sure if this is normal or not. As maybe I find it disturbing for my own personal reasons along with struggling with our age gap as it is... ive asked him and he says it's fantasy talk and he won't do it again. I just feel weird about his fantasies now...

How would you feel about your partner saying these things to you during sex?

Try to find someone nearer your own age... and ditch him fast

Run as fast as you can

Get out now!! Protect your daughter, and yourself.

This man sounds like an abusive creep.
You need help to leave him, contact Women's Aid for advice and help.

Run away now. This is very disturbing and I'd want my daughter no where near a guy like that.

Get out. Fast.
Do you think his children are safe there?he sounds like a creep.

Not being funny but you need to get out of this relationship! He is a pervert putting it bluntly. The Japanese schoolgirl thing is particularly worrying because they are portrayed as very young also the rape scenario is concerning too. Almost all relationships with a huge age gap like yours are due to the older partner being a controlling and manipulative person who likes the power they feel they get from calling all the shots. You are in a difficult situation but leaving and going anywhere with your DC is preferable to staying with a pervert who is imagining you as a child he can rape.

WTF this post has creeped me out, I am utterly disgusted by the man you're described - aren't you? Is there something like a sex offender watchlist because that dude needs to be on it.

Your partner is a porn sick creep with more red flags than a Soviet military parade. He's not going to change. The only thing you can do is get out, as soon as possible. He might seem nice during the day but his behaviour is so concerning you should run a mile then keep on running. You can't fix him and he will damage you and hurt you so much if you try. Don't make yourself a sponge for this man's issues. Not least of which, he will dump you when you don't meet his schoolgirl fetish. Please take care of yourself.

OP please, please call Women's Aid on 0808 2000 247.

You could also talk to Citizens Advice and/or your local council. You may well be eligible to apply for social housing, as a single parent on a low income and a domestic abuse victim. When you leave him (not if, because you must leave him) you will be entitled to Child Tax Credits and Housing Benefit as well as Income Support (although like PPs I'm confused about why you get Income Support while living with him).

You're already half his age yet he still fantasises about you being younger??

Get out OP, if not for your sake, then your DD's.

he is a sexual predator and has identified you as prey

I'm going to be very very blunt now.

he's probably just testing your boundaries right now, seeing how far he can take things before you stop being compliant.

he knows he's in a strong position because you and your child are dependent on him, he may try and amplify that side of things so that you feel more beholden to him before escalates the sexually predatory behavior.
He's see's a woman who was sexually abused as a child as an opportunity to exploit someone who has already been victimised...'softened up' for him by another predator.
He probably also see's an opportunity to sexually exploit and abuse your daughter

How did he react when you didnt go along with this? Does he get angry?

Sounds like a potential child abuser.

Gosh how worrying. Especially for your daughter.

Jesus christ

If this is real then get out now.

This is not an equal relationship. It's often a case with large age gaps.

Your half his age and he wants even younger.

In 10 years he'll be looking for a younger woman.

Being financially dependant on a man as you are is a recipe for disaster, and in this unequal relationship.

Get your daughter out of there.

Another adding to the run far and run fast message.

Yuck. Rape and underage sex fantasies are not ok. It's not "just" a fantasy, it's something that he's nurtured and given voice to and tried to get you to play along with. The idea that someone would even entertain those thoughts is sickening.

You need to leave. If you don't leave he will most likely leave you in a few years anyway to find a younger woman, since he clearly doesn't find women his own age attractive.

Do you have any way of leaving him safely?

This sounds very scary to me, especially as you have a DD as well. You sound like you're vulnerable and I wonder if he is preying on you because of this. There are people that can help you move out and I think you won't regret it in the long run. If these are his fantasies they won't change and you're not comfortable with them.