disturbed by my partners "fantasy talk" during sex

[ilovemyCheebie]

My partner is 48 and I'm 24, I struggle a little with the age gap.
During sex he has said to me that he's pretending I'm a 19 year old school girl, he's said he's imagining me like "a little Japanese school girl", he's been having sex with me and in the middle says to me that I look "so young" and has also said "I'm going to pretend you're really drunk at a party". I find it difficult to square away these things he's said during sex. I was abused as a child so being told I look so young and he's imaging me as a little Japanese school girl is maybe a sensitive topic for me. I really disliked his "drunk at a party" fantasy because to me it sounds weird. Im not sure if this is normal or not. As maybe I find it disturbing for my own personal reasons along with struggling with our age gap as it is... ive asked him and he says it's fantasy talk and he won't do it again. I just feel weird about his fantasies now...

How would you feel about your partner saying these things to you during sex?

Run. Far and fast.

Oh dear OP. You are so vulnerable at the moment.

It is good that you rejected the gifts and told him you don't like the 'fantasy' talk.

But I've a feeling that he won't stop.

While his "fantasy talk" is pretty grim..basically he's fantasising about rape and underage sex,it's more concerning how dependant you are of him,he doesn't give you any money,the house is his etc. This coupled with you being vulnerable does not add up to a happy ending.

You need to get you and your away

No. This I should not right. The fantasies combined with the kids underwear type gift are ringing major alarm bells. He is aroused by underage girls and that is not ok. Get out.

This is really wrong.

Run for the hills 🏃🏻

Sorry but the age gap is hideous. Hisfantasies are getting a child drunk and raping her. Compared to hjm you are seriosly young but clearly not young enough.

Do you have a co dependent relationship, ie you get somewhere to live with a financially stable man and he gets to have sex with a young nubile woman?

Leave him. He is not interested in you other than the fact you are 24.

*you and your daughter away

Ergh!!!

That is all.

Get out soon

He also bought me some weird pants that looked like little kids pants..

This bit made my blood run cold.

You and your daughter need to leave asap before things take a worse turn than they already have. Please protect yourself and your DD. I would not be leaving him alone with her for even a second.

OP, I'm 21 but people usually assume that I'm about 15-18. It creeps me out soooo much when random men are attracted to me because I know that they are hitting on what they think is probably a child. I know it feels grim.

You need to remove yourself and your daughter from this situation.

Fantasies can be harmless (i would never want mine IRL) but you're half his age, he buys you little girls underwear etc so he's acting out his fantasies as closely as he can. What happens when you don't look so young? Do you know his relationship history and the ages of his exes? I'd also be worried about my children in this situation - temptation for him every day.

Agree with the above the little girl pants are worrying. I'm very concerned about your dd.

Why oh why are you with a bloke who is nearly 50? He has chosen you deliberately. You are 24 and he obviously loves the fact you look younger than that.

You are struggling with the age gap already and now his pervy comments are putting you off, it's time to leave.

I'm a bit confused about how you are on income support when living with him. His house. He works?

Sounds like rapey hebephile fantasies.

Get out of that relationship. Rape fantasies when pre arranged and discussed before hand are ok (if that's what you like). But that's clearly not what happened and you should be with someone who doesn't fantasise about underage children.

He also bought me some weird pants that looked like little kids pants..

This line alone is enough.

Is the theme of his fantasy talk normal? No. It's very weird.

It would make me feel very uncomfortable. It would turn me off big time. And I wasn't (so sad for you) abused as a child.

Just because you were abused by one person, doesn't mean you won't' be by another. I'm afraid that the stability he offers you - the home, the money, the siblings - all of this is just part of the package to keep you.

How long have you been together? How did it start? It is a big age gap and I understand why it feels a bit strange sometimes to you. Did he start with you and then after a bit of time, after you felt secure and after you had put down roots and settled, then did he begin the fantasy talk?

None of this sounds even remotely normal

He is a pervert.
You are raising your daughter in a pervert's house.

Think of smart ways how you can get out.

If you want some help, as in if you feel you don't know how to unravel this relationship, go to citizens advice.

I never normally say this but LTB. This is not normal.

No, No, NO! You need to get out. Protect yourself and protect your daughter. Please.

How long have you known him? When did you move in?

How did you meet him?

So you have to buy all the food on your meagre benefits - he's a financial abuser as well.

Please make plans to get yourself and your DD away from him. This relationship is wrong on so many levels.